I cannot believe it’s been a whole year since that cold day in Washington, DC last year, where the only thing that could keep you warm was your promise of change on the horizon of Washington politics.
Over the past year, you’ve moved into a new house, been criticized for taking your wife out on a date, bought a dog, called a “liar”, commented on your friend being arrested in his own home, had a beer with the arresting officer, sent more troops to another country, tried to get a national healthcare bill passed and oh yeah, you even won a prize for being a peaceful guy. It has been a pretty full year for you.
I must commend you for attempting to govern in a truly bipartisan manner by using the same skillful, nuanced, methods you used to win the White House.
Now that your extended hand, symbolic olive branch and whatever other symbol of healthy compromise have been repeatedly slapped to the ground and fallen on the deaf “I don’t care if you’re right, you’re still wrong” ears of The Republicans it is time for you to change your M.O. I suggest that you — and I know use of this word won’t be popular with many in the black community — act like a ******.
Yes, I said it, act like a ******. And while I know the word’s history with African Americans in this country, but to my critics I use the term in this piece more to be associated with “rebellious, don’t give a damn what you say, I’m gonna do what I do and you will get out of my way,” behavior.
Why do I use this term? Because no one seems to listen to anything else but bold, brash, bullyish, ******-like behavior, kind of like George W. Bush did during his eight years in the Oval Office. George W. Bush found old, antiquated, executive privilege laws and used them to the fullest to progress his agenda and to say the least he was successful — in bankrupting this country.
To be quite honest, I always suspected the first black president would act just like George W. Bush did because he or she would figure I need to ‘act a fool’ while I’m in office because I know I’m not getting a second term. You know, things like give out reparations for slavery, pardon all his or her friends in jail, give out Pell Grants to all his friends with college age kids, pimp out the Presidential limousine, put up a basketball court on the White House grounds, throw back a few beers in the White House Garden-oh wow, Mr. President you’ve done some of this stuff already.
Well, Mr. President you’re halfway down the road to “acting like a ******.” You’re totally ahead of the curve, you just have to take those natural instincts and apply them to the work day. The same Republicans and Blue Dog Democrats, who support Charter Schools because they bring about healthy competition with public schools, fight like rabid dogs against your public option in a healthcare bill that is supposed to bring about healthy competition within the country’s medical situation. It is at this moment, you should act like a ******”.
You should go to the Blue Dog Democrats and tell them, if you vote with them, strongly imply that ‘things happen’. When they turn incredulously and ask “what do you mean Mr. President?” Innocently reply to them, “Huh? Oh I don’t know. Just saying. Things happen. Funding for your state gets cut off, you can’t get face time with the President. You know, I get five free kills as president. Things happen.” Of course I’m joking about killing anyone, but you gather what I am saying, Barack.
Just twenty four hours ago, the Democratic Party lost the Massachusetts, Senate seat that was Democratic since 1972 (via Ted Kennedy) and all the Democrats are now looking around at each other like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. You would be totally justified in acting like a *****. All they had to do was make a half hearted effort and they would’ve delivered the seat, but alas they didn’t. You were already having issues with getting votes on the Hill and they just made it even more difficult with the loss of this seat. Mr. President you need to metaphorically turn over some tables in Washington,DC and let everyone know that you are the President of the United States and no one else. Your opponents are going to be angry at you no matter what you do, why not get what you want while you’re at it.
You are making efforts to assist in the devastation of the Haiti earthquake which has killed 200,000 people, but Rush “The Real College Dropout (my apologies Kanye)” Limbaugh found a way to state that you were “trying to ingratiate yourself with light and dark skinned black people”. As if you really needed assistance in that category. If that is the type of behavior you will receive, I say give it back to them. Junior congressmen from South Carolina (because I won’t give him press by repeating his name) won’t think about yelling during your speeches and right wing pundits will check themselves before saying the wrong thing for they will fear the wrath of President Obama. Why? Because every once in a while, you act like a ******.
If that doesn’t convince you think about Nat Turner and Felix Macon. Nat Turner led a slave revolt through the countryside, killing people because he wanted his freedom. Now I am by no means suggesting to kill people in Washington, but think about Felix and who is Felix? Felix is the forgotten slave, who said “Nat, I don’t think you’re going to get anywhere by acting like a ******.”
Rod “you still got my vote” Emelle