Dee Sanderson

*It’s that time of year again.  I love Spring.  It’s my favorite season.  After a long winter of hibernating it’s like everything just, well, springs to life.  It’s a time for new beginnings when it suddenly feels like everything is possible.  You could change anything you wanted to.  Including your relationships.  Ladies, it’s time to clean house.

Often when we get comfortable in a relationship we avoid looking at some of the uglier things that we’d just prefer not to deal with.  But just like you’ll take the time during that annual Spring cleaning frenzy to clean those cobwebs out of every nook and cranny of your apartment, I suggest you invest just as much energy examining some of the unpleasantness lurking in the darkened corners of your love life.

But where to begin?  It’s my firm belief that all change starts from within and this is no exception.  One of the best ways to sniff out things that might need changing is using your instincts…. Oh, OK fine, I’ll say it!  Use your intuition.

I’ll admit that in my life I’ve often been guilty of ignoring those little feelings that something just isn’t right.  Now, after years of scoffing at the idea of “Women’s Intuition” I’ve finally come to realize that had I listened to that little voice inside more often, I would have saved myself a whole lot of heartache and grief.  Like the time this so called music video producer I was dating told me he always drove a different car because he got bored with them and the car dealer let him trade them out whenever he wanted.  Yeah, sounded like a bunch of crap then and still does.  So why was I so shocked to discover that he was, in fact, not a producer of any kind but a used car salesman?  Because when he first dropped that gem on me I pushed that tight little feeling in the pit of my stomach further down.  I didn’t really want to know the truth because the lie was so much more attractive.  Boy did I wind up paying for my willful ignorance later on!  (But that’s another story.)

I once saw this movie on HBO called Hysterical Blindness about a woman who completely deluded herself where her love life was concerned.  I remember thinking, “That poor foolish woman.  How could she be so stupid?  So desperate?”  Then I changed the channel to something more entertaining without ever making the connection to my own blindness.  It can be scary to look deep down inside and confront the truth about a bad relationship.  Especially one that you’ve been in for a year or more.  If that frog you convinced yourself was a prince is ultimately revealed to be, well, a frog, what does that say about you?  Your mind begins to swirl out of control with fears and questions.  Am I really that desperate?  Has everyone been laughing at me all this time?  How could I have wasted so much of my life?  What if nobody else wants me?  Am I going to wind up old and alone if I leave him?

What I’ve come to learn is the only way to get past those fears is to face and accept them.  Sometimes facing the truth can be like pulling off a band-aid.  If you could just make yourself snatch it off quickly you know the pain will be sharp but over in an instant.  Do it slowly and you only prolong your agony.  Once I got real, the fears that plagued me at the mere thought of picking at the scabs in my relationship got easier and easier to battle.

Am I really that desperate?  No, I’m just human and enjoyed the feeling of being in love.  It’s OK to make mistakes sometimes.

Has everyone been laughing at me?  Maybe, but who cares about them?  Ultimately, I’m the one that has to live with my choices.  (And really they were probably just scared of my reaction to them meddling in my business.)

How could I have wasted so much of my life?  What really matters is that I not waste any more of it on someone who doesn’t really make me happy.

Am I going to wind up old and alone?  That’s just silly.  I met him, I’ll meet someone else.  Period.

It was that same voice inside that helped me discover my significant other had been unfaithful.  You see I just knew something was wrong and that I needed to dig a little deeper.  It took me months of arguing with myself that I was being silly or I should just trust him more before I finally pushed aside all those so called rationalizations and found out the truth for myself.  And boy was it ugly.

Was it painful?  Yes.

Was I miserable for a while?  Yes.

Did I cry myself to sleep?  Yes.

But…

Did I live?  Yes!

Has my life been happier and more fulfilled since escaping a bad relationship?  Yes!

Have I had a blast dating and meeting new men since it was over?  Yes!

Do I miss him at all?  No!

So there you are ladies.  Have courage.  Have faith.  Look inside and ask yourself the tough questions about your relationship.  Before you know it you’ll be well on your way to cleaning house by means of the Intuition Express.

About Dee Sanderson

Dee Sanderson is a relationship expert and author of How To Marry A Loser Without Even Trying”.   For more tips and information visit www.marryaloser.com