Dee Sanderson


*Continuing with my theme of new beginnings let’s pick up where we left off in my last column.  When last we chatted you were going to take an honest look at your relationship and clean out any unpleasantness you’d been avoiding.  But once things are nice and neat what to do next?

Now one of two things may have resulted from your “Spring cleaning.”  Either your relationship is stronger and happier or perhaps you are  now single.  Well either way it’s a good time to start things fresh.  Let’s examine that first scenario.

You and your sexy man have tackled the ugly stuff festering in the darkened corners of your love life and cleared the air.  Hopefully this left you feeling a renewed commitment to each other.  The thing is you need to keep that feeling going.  Don’t just sink back into old habits.  It’s time to try new things in all the different areas of your relationship.  How long have you two been talking about taking a long weekend to drive up to that resort and relax?  Well, what are you waiting for?  Go!  Pick up that phone or go online and make a reservation.  Well… go ahead I’ll wait.

But don’t stop there.  Now that you have some intimate alone time scheduled, take the time to plan some fun.  Pull down the bag with all those naughty nighties that’s been gathering dust in the back of your closet for the last two years.  Hmm… Some of them don’t fit anymore?  (Yeah… my ass has been spreading a bit too here lately.  Ah well.)  That’s OK, it’s time to hit Vicki’s or Freddie’s and pick up some new ones.  You know what your man likes to see you in.  And even if some of what he likes makes you blush, well, get over it.  Remember we’re starting fresh so that means no holding on to old insecurities.  Your relationship is strong, you can’t be afraid to turn up the heat and try new things.  So yes… those stiletto thigh-high boots in the store window that you’ve been giving the side-eye need to find their way into your shopping bag.  (I’ve seen the results first-hand so trust me… you’ll thank me later.)

After a particularly tough time in one relationship, my man and I decided to try something new.  He asked me out on a date as though we’d never met before.  He “picked me up” (even though we lived together) and we went out to eat and to the movies.  We kept up the game for the whole night pretending we were just getting to know each other.  And later that night… Well I’m ashamed to admit we had some fantastic “first date” sex.  Fun little games like that are just one way to keep the spark in your relationship and heat things up.

Now for my single ladies starting over.   First of all, I cannot stress enough that you are in a fabulous position.  Never mind what mainstream society says, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single.  I say again.  Nothing wrong with being single.  In fact some of the most fun I’ve had in my life was when I was single.  It was those same times that made a stronger more self-assured woman who knows exactly what she wants.  This is a time for you to relax, reflect and have fun.  Yes, even by yourself.  This is not a time for you to run out and see how fast you can launch yourself back into a serious relationship.

If your heart is broken and you’ve been sitting home crying, that’s OK too.  There is time for that, but it can’t go on forever.  At some point you need to pick yourself up off the floor and get on with the business of living.  As a writer I may be a bit biased, but I’ve always found that a good novel is a great way to distract me while my heart is healing.  I’ve read my way through all sorts of pain, both physical and emotional and it does the trick for me every time.

Once your mourning period is passed it’s time to start spoiling yourself.  Make an appointment for a spa day and get pampered.  Get dressed up and go out to the nicest restaurant you can find.  If the maître d eyes you strangely while looking over your shoulder to see who you’re dining with, tell him in a strong clear voice with a big ole smile, “It’s just one.” then sit down and enjoy your meal.

I told those ladies in a relationship to plan a get-away, now I’m telling you to do the same.  Pack a bag and take off for someplace beautiful for the weekend.  (Longer if you can swing it.)  Pack your swim suit and that book with the dried tear-stains in it, fill up that iPod with your favorite jams and go enjoy your freedom!

Pretty soon you’ll be practically glowing with strength and self-esteem. You may be surprised at how often you are approached by men when they see you out, happy and enjoying yourself… all by yourself.  Men are more attracted to women that are free of emotional baggage and drama.  And guess what?  Whether or not you want to be bothered is completely up to you.  You could have a couple of nice dates, or maybe a fun fling. Whatever you want.

OK so single or committed you’ve got your assignments.  Get out there, embrace your fresh start and enjoy your life!  I’ll be back to check on you in a little while.

About Dee Sanderson

Dee Sanderson is a relationship expert and author of How To Marry A Loser Without Even Trying”.   For more tips and information visit