Model

*…But you’re the kind of girl that a man would be proud to call his own, just not me.

Notifying women of an impending lifestyle change can be a dicey situation at times. On one hand you’re telling a woman, I’m going to change the pace of my life a little and see what happens. On the other hand you’re telling her on the other side of this, it’s a wrap for you and me. If you know women like I know women, she doesn’t believe that, because she is the perfect one for you, at least in her mind she is. However, it never crossed her mind that if she was, the two of you would be doing more than just kicking it.

When I started to inform the women in my little black book (cell phone) what was going on with me and where I intended to be upon its completion, the responses varied from “Yeah, whatever!” to “So, what about me and you?”. The first response I gave little thought, because even I was a bit skeptical with my track record, but I was concerned about the women that actually believed they were ideal to progress from situation to relationship with me. In my world, a bite to eat, some drinks, a movie or two, a concert and sex here & there didn’t constitute that we were working towards something; it simply meant that in those moments it was you and I, not us.

I understand to the naked eye those may be the makings of a relationship, but you notice a few key ingredients were missing, conversation, quality time, getting to know one another, just overall being friends. I’m not quite sure of the dynamics in your relationship, but it takes a lot from being the woman I kick it with every third Saturday to meeting my mom, but that’s what some women tend to make themselves believe is possible on occasion.

I’ve always operated under the impression that there’s an understanding of what’s going down among consenting adults, even after I’ve plainly stated before anything transacted between us, not to anticipate anything real growing from this. Comprehend that’s just where I was at the time and where I am now wants something more, just not with you, but I guess you know me better than I know myself, because you’re telling me you’re perfect for me.

There’s an element of substance in the women that I seek relationships with, something about her that makes me talk like a church lady, but listen like your pastor. We’re able to delve into a wide-array of topics and have spirited debates when we disagree, then laugh about it and start another one. There’s a quality of who she is that appeals to the best of me, so she commands and receives my undivided attention. When I’m having fun, I don’t care if you pop gum and watch BET, we only have to tolerate one another for short bursts of time.

I’m not concerned with her cursing the kid out at the concession stand because there’s not enough butter on her popcorn or her not having an answer when I ask what type of woman does she aim to be? She’s also consistent with what she wants from life, her career and me, but doesn’t have to break dates because she needs a sitter (we’ll talk about that at another time) and she’s extremely comfortable being who she is at all times and doesn’t bite her tongue when it comes to telling me about myself. So, if that doesn’t sound like you, sorry, you’re not my kind of woman.

About the writer

“The Bachelor’s Archive” is Plainfield, NJ native Al-Lateef Farmer’s online diary that examines his previous romantic interactions as he attempts to close one chapter of his life and begins to write the next with happier endings in mind. Through these weekly looks in the mirror, he attempts to be as transparent as ever and answer the question he asks himself most, “Do I want to be a bachelor forever?”

Between rhetoric and reality is where you’ll find The World According to Teef, social commentary rooted in independent thought that tackles everything from politics to pop culture, Reality Television to relationships, and is unfiltered, uncensored, unforgiving, but never unreal! Take a trip at http://worldaccording2teef.blogspot.com/