ABC’s “Nightline” hosted a “Face-Off” debate in Atlanta titled “Why Can’t A Successful Black Woman Find A Man?,” a follow up to its popular Dec. 2009 report covering the same topic.
Moderated by Nightline’s Vicki Mabrey, the panel featured Steve Harvey, author of “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”; single ladies Sherri Shepherd of “The View” and TV personality Jacque Reid; actor/author Hill Harper and journalist/author Jimi Izreal.
Topics covered the usual fare – black women have standards that are too high, have standards that are not high enough, are unwilling to date outside of their race, encounter men who are intimidated by their success and so on.
Watch the discussion in its entirety below.
Part 1: Sherri Shepherd and Jimi Izrael battle it out over standards and wigs.
Part 2: Hill Harper argues that misinformation is destroying the black families.
Part 3: Izrael says that women need to set some standards when picking a mate.
Part 4: The topic of fidelity brings out personal testimonies by the panelists.
Part 5: Steve Harvey argues that men aren’t ever intimidated by female success.
Part 6: Both sides offer different views on interracial encounters.
Part 7: A past encounter between two panelists brings the audience to their feet
Part 8: Panelists share their final thoughts as the audience prepares questions.
I watched about five minutes of this and believe this type of public dialogue only exacerbates problems. It’s done purely for entertainment and bashing Black women. BTW, I thought Jimi Izrael was gay.
Black Men Need Not Apply For The Job of Husband
It seems to be the question of the year; why can’t successful, single black women find a good man? The answer most experts give is that African American women are sending out the message that black men need not apply for the job of husband. But, what’s not often considered is how many women have a “good” man and just haven’t chosen to tie the knot yet or how many African American women buy the hype that there aren’t any quality men available so they’ve stopped looking, put up walls to prevent a man from getting close or spend their lives surrounded by people who block their ability to meet someone.
The statistics and questions also don’t consider that black women, like all women, have free will; with that may come the desire to remain single in order to pursue their dreams, better understand themselves, define the parameters of relationships they might have or simple a need to be independent from the restrictions that come along with monogamy and marriage.
It’s been argued that the standards of African American women are too high; that since they are increasingly earning college degrees, buying homes and starting businesses, they want or demand a man with the same thereby limiting their choices or emasculating any man who doesn’t measure up. It’s not often considered that any man, a real man looking for a partnership—which is what a marriage is supposed to be—should welcome a woman with means, intellect, and ability to assist the households rather than be threatened by it; that a “good” partner should want his other “half” to live up to her potential so that she is a healthy, happy and whole with and without him.
Of course, so called experts so that women should lower their standards, even settle for someone who doesn’t meet their ideal just so they aren’t alone. I wonder if these same people consider this logic or fear of ending up alone, as we are when we enter the world, is one of the leading causes behind divorce and broken homes.
I look at the rise of singles in this county in my book I Didn’t Work This Hard Just to Get Married: Successful, Single Black Women Speak Out. What I found is that while most people want someone to share their life with being about to fulfill your own dreams as an individual has gives women the opportunity get married for the right reasons and therefore have a healthier, better functioning, long lasting union.
Successful, single black women take center stage in my book I Didn’t Work This Hard Just to Get Married. Through lively and revealing interviews with women from various walks of life, it explores the challenges and issues affecting single black women, forging ahead in today’s society by defying expectations. They candidly discuss aging without a man and reevaluate dating, single homeownership, career, and children. These women speak directly to the female experience, addressing unique challenges such as income discrepancies between genders, the high rate of male incarceration, and the Baby Momma Syndrome. The women discuss the false expectations they face from men, from families, and from friends. Written in the best tradition of girlfriend talking to girlfriend, the book delivers tales of lessons learned, hard times and good times, told by women who found ways to achieve their dreams by defying convention. Their conclusion: singlehood, whether temporary or permanent, and though often challenging, is a fulfilling state.
…WTF?…Why is this sh1t put out there in the first place?…Why Black Women can’t find a man WTF?….Why Asian, Latino, Italian, Irish, ect can’t find a man?…Too much sh1t ’bout us is put out there…After awhile it all sounds like entertainment…”Hell, it’s a slow entertainment day, let’s find and air some sh1t ’bout Black people, they’re good for a laugh”….I’m just sick of the BS…Black Women can find a man if they want too!!!…
Cosign Boot. I am a bit surprised at Nightline, they seem to treat this story like black people are a biology specimen to be examined under a microscope to fin out what makes the black race tick.
babycakes, I have been thinking the exact same thing. It’s very insidious what they are doing, but I also think it’s to deflect from their own issues…like why are white women turning to underage boys, why are white men killing their women left and right etc. Blacks are a safe target particularly since the genders are pulling apart and the role outsiders play in stoking the flames. Whites do not want to call attention to their own failings and want to maintain some fake moral authority over the rest of the population. People who want to get together and marry will do just that.
melody > > we are our own worst enemies. I can’t understand why black women are always so quick to make a public display of their problems with finding a good black man, and when they do this the white media jump on this so quick so they can show the world the problems between black men and women. Another way of saying that the black race will never get their sh!t together.
I agree! I was just saying this morning to my husband about everybody always doing studies & shyt on black people….why don’t they leave us the f*ck alone and don’t worry about what goes on with us?!!!
I concur. This topic is so old, if you can’t find a man, YOU’RE the problem!
I agree bigtime! They always got our shit on display like other races don’t have the same problems. “Why black men don’t take care of there kids”; Why black people don’t go to the polls”; Why black men choose white women; Why black women behinds are bigger than white women”, leaves us the fuck alone! Always wanna make us look like we got more problems than the next group of people. Stop the madness already! Our shit come out the back just like everybody elses!
cuteleggs Tell em! Don’t hold back now tell us how you Really! feel- lol I concur 100%
This would have been a lot more interesting if they had left that fat head, liver lips, big nose dumb ass Harvey off the panel. I’m so sick of this sexist SOB bashing men! He don’t know damn thing about MEN. Only the males in his candy ass circle. How the hell can he speak for EVERY man out here? As a woman, I’m offended. He just piss me off every time I see his ugly ass !!!!
OMG! I thought I was the only one sick of Steve speaking for all men! Who in the hell said he was the spokesperson for men??? He just gets on my last nerve with that mess!!!
And I am a woman and I would be pissed if I was a man because Steve don’t even know all men to speak for them!
Co-sign’n! Since when has Steve Harvey become the Dr. Ruth of relationships. He gets on damn my nerves too.
I thought Part 4 was hilarious. Bro Izreal
put his foot in his mouth and got ripped. Rememberthe RoboCop “must comply” scene.
Beezyuu, I agree. We serve to make others feel better about themselves and to forget what’s happening in their own backyard. Sometimes I wonder if they realize we have access to the same media outlets as they do. I believe we’d be better off never participating in those type of forums. Jimi Izreal doesn’t give a damn about Black women and those platforms merely clown us and degrade.
I’ll just pop in on this discussion right quick too. I was just saying to myself yesterday that I am so SICK of SH. He is not the spokesman for black people, relationships and yada yada yada. On the other hand, as a friend and I were driving in to work we saw two brothers -one suit and tie and another with jeans and tee shirt walking together. So a light skinned sista with a whole head of weave walked past and they did a 360. She was ok looking so we pulled over to ask them what was so attractive about her that they needed to do a 360. Well they hemmed and hawed but it was the hair and ass…But she gave neither of them the time of day. I have never had a problem and perhaps things have changed a whole lot since I was on the dating scene. However, I think that I’ve got the best husband in the world and I was not looking for a man when I found him. I appreciate and cherish the love. Anyway this post probably has nothing to do with nothing!!! just an old deranged woman rambling…LOL
Did not see the show (thank goodness) and cannot see any of these videos, but no need. As others have stated, this is a tired [non]-issue that’s been rehashed over and over.
I just want to commend the commenters here and elsewhere. I’m sooo glad Black folks are starting to halt and say “hold on a minute” and not internalizing all this b.s. being fed. FINALLY it seems Blacks are starting to question the messenger(s). Truth be told, as others have intimated, this seems to be the new form of pimping for some (Harvey et al, looking at you), another form of exploitation, a transfiguration of “Pimps in the Pulpit,” lol.
Thank you for saying “no more” Black folks. I’m sooo proud of yall. *hugs*
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/04/19/AR2010041904818.html?sub=AR
An article by a Black woman about finding a good Black man.
Boot you received the most “thumbs-ups” that I have ever saw on these postings. As of this post you got over 23 “ups” and no “downs”. Wow
Steve Harvey is hardly an authority on relatonships, hasn’t he been married 2 or 3 times? What is it? do as I say not as I do eh Steve? Be quiet Please!