It takes a fool to lose twice and start all over again…

Teddy P. never lied!

The heart seems to work independently of the mind far more than it should. We repeatedly tell ourselves, “This time things are gonna be different” or to borrow from Teddy, “This time I’m gonna win”. Next thing you know, you’re losing again, and cursing the day you were foolish enough to believe otherwise. All the coverage about relationships in the past few months seems to have skipped over the disenfranchised, that segment of the population that has repeatedly been knocked back in their attempts at love. Those folks that have simply said enough is enough and decided to opt out of the relationship game altogether. Those that have tried to hold on, but their faith is gone and to them, love is just another sad song.

I’ve been on the periphery of that group for the last few years, not totally ready to throw in the towel, but not eager to jump into a relationship either. I guess I’ll compare it to the double-dutch jumpers of yesteryear waiting for the right time to jump in, steady bobbing and hedging, waiting until I can match the rhythm of the rope. Funny thing about rhythm, sometimes the tempo changes and you’re left off-beat, wondering what happened.

Relationships are no different; you have to be prepared for the changes in tempo, prepared to deal with the highs and strong enough to handle the lows. Everyone loves the highs, it feels good when your heart synthesizes with another, to smile, to laugh and to see them do the same. The lows are what many of us fear, that feeling of feeling like you just can’t get on the same page, like your heart is beating to the rhythm of a Stevie Wonder song and theirs has all the rhythm of a hard rock jam session. The smiles are gone, the laughs are far and few between and you’re asking yourself, “What kind of new fool am I?”

I know folks that continue to swing and miss at relationships, consistently putting their hearts in harm’s way, because they have that need to be loved or to be in love. I know folks who bend, fold, stretch and contort themselves to fit into situations that just don’t fit, because they’re chasing that yearning to be loved. When their heart is shattered into a million little pieces, they quickly pick up the pieces and are on to the next relationship within a matter of months, weeks in some cases.  I’ve never had that skill, it takes a while for me to get through heartache, I guess because of the rarity of extending myself in such ways.

There’s no yoga class needed when I meet a woman that I’m interested in, but there are usually pieces of Teef to be swept up and reinserted into my weakening heart, because perfect timing in my case is bad timing! So I’ve sworn off love a dozen times, said it just wasn’t for me, I’ve worn the bumps and the bruises of a two-time loser. Then, something takes control of me, because I lose all of my thoughts and sense of time, and then have a change of mind, hoping against hope that this time is the right time, finally my time. Maybe that time will come, I’m not trying to force it, not trying to resist either, just prepare myself for its ups and downs. In the interim, I’ll keep working on me, watching and counseling the fools for love and occasionally turn into some new kind of fool.

About the Writer

Al-Lateef Farmer

“The Bachelor’s Archive” is Plainfield, NJ native Al-Lateef Farmer’s online diary that examines his previous romantic interactions as he attempts to close one chapter of his life and begins to write the next with happier endings in mind. Through these weekly looks in the mirror, he attempts to be as transparent as ever and answer the question he asks himself most, “Do I want to be a bachelor forever?”

Between rhetoric and reality is where you’ll find The World According to Teef, social commentary rooted in independent thought that tackles everything from politics to pop culture, Reality Television to relationships, and is unfiltered, uncensored, unforgiving, but never unreal! Take a trip at