*VH1 has provided lots of bonus clips from Jennifer Hudson’s “Behind the Music” episode that premiered Monday night. [Watch below.]
In addition to chronicling her rise to fame, the program featured Hudson speaking in detail about the 2008 murders of her mother Darnell, brother Jason and nephew Julian.
“It’s all a blur, it was surreal,” she said in the episode. “It was like I was outside of myself.”
The Oscar-winning actress says she went into seclusion as media attention surrounding the murders became overwhelming.
“For almost two weeks straight . . . [I was] inside one room with just family and friends coming in and out,” she says. “I prayed when I’d get up in the morning and prayed before I laid down at night.”
Hudson’s first major televised performance following the murders took place at the 2009 Grammys, where she performed an emotional rendition of her song “You Pulled Me Through.”
“I was definitely thinking of my family when I was singing that song,” she says. “I could hear my brother in my head, like, ‘Jennifer, you need to kill this, you need to get up and do it.’ I knew he would be disappointed if I didn’t do it justice.”
Today, “I feel like I’ve lived about three or four different lives,” she says, adding that her 11-month-old son David (with her fiancé David Otunga) has helped her heal.
Little David, “reminds me of my nephew,” says Hudson, and he also helps her remember her mother. “In so many ways I channel her because she was such a great mom.”
Her son, she adds, “makes me feel like the most special person on earth. I want him to get the same love and the same upbringing my mother gave us.”
Below, bonus clips from “Behind the Music: Jennifer Hudson”
On working at Burger King…
On working with Beyonce…
On spending time with her son…