*Best friends Too Cool (Wesley Jonathan), Beaver (Leonard Robinson) and Dog (Chico Benymon) are confirmed bachelors in search of nothing more meaningful out of life than the selfish satisfaction of enjoying a different sexual conquest every night.
Each brings his own brand of swag to the singles scene, starting with millionaire playboy TC whose basic philosophy is “I don’t do love.”
By contrast, Beaver is a brother who the others suspect might be on the down-low, judging by how relatively clean-cut and well-spoken he is. As for Dog, he’s a freeloading pervert whose favorite porno flick is the infamous R. Kelly sex tape with an underage teen.
TC is rich only because he’s acquired control of the finances of his senile Aunt B (Roxanne Reese), a genius who made a fortune as a computer game developer before developing Alzheimer’s. Courtesy of the windfall, the trifling Romeo has purchased a nightclub with plans to turn it into a pick-up bar primarily to attract lonely females for himself and his pals.
Trouble is, the building is a bit dilapidated, and persnickety City Inspector Red Green (Chris Elliott) has given him just 30 days to bring the place up to code. So, TC and company put their heads together and come up with an erotic way of making the place pay for itself, namely, by hosting speed-dating parties where guys and girls can participate in what is essentially a game of musical chairs during which they audition potential mates for three minutes each.
The goal is to make an instant lust connection with a stranger. And soon we find these jive dudes testing out lame pickup lines such as, “My name is Dog, and I like to bite” and “Why don’t we make a Barack,” the latter being leveled at a Caucasian customer.
This is the morally-repugnant premise of Speed-Dating, a crude comedy written and directed by Joseph A. Elmore, Jr. The picture successfully makes light of indiscriminate copulating as the misogynistic protagonists proceed to seduce and abandon a pretty parade of naïve suckers. Then there’s its bizarre treatment of gay sex, with the ostensibly confused Beaver being in and out of the closet.
About the only reason to recommend this politically-incorrect production is that it arrives blessed with a brazenly, bawdy brand of humor aimed at folks who can appreciate your average booty call music video on the order of Nelly’s “Tip Drill.” It’s not this critic’s taste, but if seeing a credit card being swiped down a curvaceous anal cleft is your idea of quality entertainment, then Speed-Dating is a lowest common denominator adventure apt to be right up your alley.
A titillating tribute to the novel notion of strangers with benefits.
Good (2 stars) Unrated Running time: 98 Minutes Distributor: Rockstone Releasing
Watch the trailer for “Speed-Dating”: