Monica Cost

*Jamie Foxx recently released a single entitled “Falling for Your Type” where it he is questioning why he falls for the same type of woman who continues to break his heart. . .and apparently, his belongings. Sounds like a little Land of Make Believe here, where he is possibly ignoring the clear signs.

Outside of a physical attraction, how sure are we that the person we’re falling for is our type?  After all, don’t most people put on a good show in the beginning? Our hope is that the qualities they exhibit initially continue throughout the relationship, however it’s define and the ones that later emerge are consistent with the image we’re building in our head.

Even though we may not have a specific physical type (although I know some who do), we are initially attracted by something. It could be physical attraction, a glance, a gleaming smile, their scent, the way their clothes fit, their body or just them in action.

You may eventually fall a little deeper by the fun you have, the way they make you laugh or care for you, the way they treat others, their interests, their intellect, their humor or the intimacy. At this point the relationship can take a few different paths. Both people could be ready to fall even deeper into something more serious, one person could be interested in more while the other wants to leave their options open or both parties could agree to live in the moment whenever the moments arise.

By this point, you’ve made some decisions about whether you believe this person to be your type or not. If you’ve decided to go deeper, this is when you find out if the person is  truly “your type”. You find out if they are a good listener, supportive, someone who has your back,  someone you can be honest with no matter what, a person who enjoys life and has a sense of humor, a person you respect, and many of the other necessary qualities you need to thrive in a relationship . Unfortunately, these are also the things that take us into the Land of Make Believe when they show up unfavorably. It’s hard to have that much fun and intimate moments, and to have spent that much time with someone only to find out that they are not the person you imagined. It’s difficult to see the truth, so we don’t.

If you find out that they punch holes in walls when they’re angry or call you out of your name, they tell your secrets or don’t support you when others are against you, judge you when you’re living your truth, then you may just sweep it under the carpet for their looks, status, what you all are together, the image of you in the community, the intimacy or simply the time in.

On the other hand and a more positive note, you may get to a deeper level and find out that your sweetie pie is mostly what you expected and sometimes more. However, you must reserve your commitment to giving the he or she the “my type” label until you have the intel you need. There are types of hair, skin, bodies and most important personalities. Is your type in the Land of Make Believe or the Land of Authenticity and Truth? Know your type(s) and your truth before you fall.

Monica Cost is communications strategist, brand manager and respected corporate and motivational speaker. She is the President and Founder of Evidently Assured, a brand & talent management firm.  Email her at:  [email protected] Follow her via Twitter: @monicacost and Facebook.com/monicahairstoncost.