*Dear Tamara:

My girlfriend and I have been having a revolving argument. She wants me to get a vasectomy! We have been together for seven years and have two children together (two daughters). She doesn’t want any more children and thinks I should be the one to get fixed. I, on the other hand, do want more children. I love my daughters, but have always dreamed about having a son. I come from a large family and want at least four or five children of my own. My girlfriend and I used to be in agreeance on this, but after two pregnancies, she refuses to have any more children and is afraid of getting her tubes tied. Every time we try to talk about it, we get in an argument. She knows how bad I want a son and that still has not changed her mind.

R.T.

Dear R.T.:

Getting a vasectomy or a tubal ligation is a very serious decision. Even a procedure that can be reversed can present risks and other complications if and when you decide to have children in the future. And while I do not want to make assumptions about your relationship between you and your girlfriend and your level of commitment to one another, I think this becomes an even more serious decision between two people who are not married. I understand that you have children together, but are you planning to spend the rest of your lives together? If so, I think the two of you need to have a serious conversation about the future of your relationship and the future of your family. She doesn’t want any more children and you do. This can be problematic! If the two of you cannot agree or come to a compromise it has the potential to destroy your relationship.

And I must say, I think it is selfish and unrealistic for your girlfriend to expect you to get a vasectomy knowing your desire to have more children. If birth control is the issue, there are less permanent methods of birth control that can be considered.


Author of the upcoming book Been There Done That: And Lived to Tell About It, Tamara R. Allen is Your Advice Guru giving REAL advice from REAL experience. Email your questions to [email protected]. You can follow Tamara on twitter @tamararallen or check out her daily column and archives at www.tamararallen.com.