*Singer Mary J. Blige got real personal recently and revealed a bit of her horrifying childhood.

In a painful revisiting with VH1’s “Behind the Music,” the soul singer shared that she was sexually abused in her innocence.

“When I was five years old I was molested and just, you know. I remember feeling, literally right before it happened, I just could not believe that this person was going to do this to me,” Blige, 40, said of the abuse by a family friend. “That thing followed me all my life,” she confided. “The shame of thinking my molestation was my fault – it led me to believe I wasn’t worth anything.”

As a result, she took to men and drugs as a teen.

“I ended up becoming my environment,” she told Parade magazine in 2007. “It was bigger than me. I had no self-respect. I hated myself. I thought I was ugly. Alcohol, sex, drugs – I’d do whatever it took to feel better.”

But opening up to VH1, the singer explains finding love with husband Kendu was the push she needed to finally sober up.

“When I stopped drinking, it was willpower,” she said. “It was prayer. It was really hard. But most of all, I cared so much about [Kendu], I didn’t want to be just this alcoholic burden on him.”