*It has been said that the father-daughter relationship is the most important relationship within the family structure. I am no expert on the dynamics of the family structure and do not claim to be.
But I do know that the impact of having an unavailable father for a girl can have grave consequences on her life as she approaches adulthood. When this happens, it can and does affect her own family dynamics. It taints the way she perceives her relationships and life as a whole.
I define a fatherless daughter as a woman who grew up with an unavailable father. An unavailable father could mean that he was absent due to divorce, death or abandonment or he could have been unavailable due to being a work alcoholic, alcohol and drug addiction, or he simply lacked the ability to form any close emotional bond and could not show love. Whatever the reason, the life of that daughter will be impacted on many levels.
Every day, I speak to women from diverse backgrounds, from different places in the world that are now recognizing that their father-daughter relationship has impacted their lives. Many of them had never really discussed this topic with anyone in detail until now.
But now that we are having this collective conversation, these women are beginning to understand that it was not “normal” to have a distant or an unavailable father.
There are two distinct things that a girl must receive from her dad when growing up: unconditional love and security. When a father makes it clear to his daughter the he loves her unconditionally, and he approves of her just for who she is and how she looks, he lays the foundation for her healthy self perception and he validates her very existence. The second thing he must do is make her feel secure. She must feel that the world is safe and that those who love her are dependable and that her needs can be met. When this doesn’t happen, her trust factor becomes an issue throughout her life.
As adults, we fatherless daughters begin to judge our success in life based on the money we earn and the love we experience. If we struggle in our relationships or with money issues we begin to feel unwanted unsafe, insecure and rejected. There begins the making of a fatherless daughter.
In the work that I do, I help fatherless daughters transform their relationships with men and money, because how we do love, is how we do money.
We do, in a holy instant, have the power to change this. Our defining moment is when we are willing to let go of who we are not, step into our most powerful space and become who we were born to be. Because there is in the Mind of God a perfect image of who you are. God said in Jeremiah 1:5a, “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.” We can begin to retrace our lives beyond our mother’s womb and align ourselves with that perfect image that is in the Mind of God. Remember who you are, because our pain will never heal until we heal our misplaced sense of identity. You can move beyond that false sense of identity to who God says you are.
When that happens, you can declare with a loud voice, “I’m Not That Woman…a Brand New Me and a Brand New Destiny.”™
In my Love Lifestyle Coaching Program™, we teach seven keys to your Journey to Being. It’s not what you have been doing that has kept your life stuck; it’s who you have been being.
7 Steps to Your Journey to Being:
- Remember who you are.
- Reconnect to God
- Release what no longer serves you.
- Reactivate your life.
- Recover what you gave away
- Re-establish your place in the world
- Re-write your own love story
Remember, Live Authentically, Laugh Everyday and Embrace Love as a Lifestyle.
Angela Carr Patterson, The Love Lifestyle Coach
Angela Carr Patterson is a Certified Life Coach, Author, Radio Talk Show Host, Transformational Speaker, and Fatherless Daughter Advocate.