*Debra Roberts, an attorney with more than twenty-five years of legal experience, has written a memoir with both candor and wit, of being raised by Pentecostal Holiness Ministers and life with her fanatical preacher mother who inflicted both physical and verbal abuse upon her. She reflects on how the Church’s views and actions – speaking in tongues, casting out demons, and dancing in the spirit – caused her to grow up with no self-esteem, to suffer panic attacks, and live with constant torment about the rapture, demons, the devil and hell.
Debra Roberts
Having such a provocative title, I had to inquire of the author as to how she came about it. Again, it seems to stem from her childhood and upbringing. Roberts indicated to me that her father was prone to habitual use of racially perjorative words and phrases, the “N” word, and that her father’s use of the “N” word was not just limited to African-Americans. The author admitted to me that she actually debated using the “N” word in the title, while giving me a history lesson on “Negroes and Flies” and “Raiders and Flies,” sprinkled in with the foibles of “Jim Jones” of Jonestown fame or infamy. Clearly, in reading Negroes, Flies and Wet Toilet Paper, one might understand more as to how the author might grow up with issues of self-esteem, suffer panic attacks, and other psychological conditions.
This East County (San Diego) resident, while working as an Assistant U.S. Attorney at the Office of the United States Attorney for the Southern District of California, enjoyed the good life with her husband, dining at fancy restaurants and dancing with judges and honorable members of San Diego, California’s finest, yet, her upbringing always seemed to haunt her. The author thought that she had finally escaped the image that she had given herself growing up – that of a poor, nappy-headed, holy-rollin’, colored little girl. Inside, however, her turmoil continued to manifest itself through low self-esteem, failed relationships, panic attacks, depression, and feelings of guilt.
Roberts had lived in San Diego for years, but still could not drive over the Coronado Bridge without medication because of the severity of her panic attacks. She missed out on a lot of social engagements – on a lot of life, really – for the same reason.
Frankie Roberts heard a preacher pronounce that a woman’s place was in the home, not in the pulpit. But this mother of four daughters and wife of a pastor in New Jersey wouldn’t hear of it; she knew she had a special calling. In 1956, Frankie packed up her children, left her husband, and moved to Sioux City, Iowa, to open a ministry. In this memoir, Roberts narrates this story as one of Frankie’s daughters.
This book resonates with me, as I too grew up as a Pentecostal, and just like the author, “I was taught that I was of a peculiar people and that the ‘world’ – or non-Pentecostals – hated us because of our dedication to Jesus Christ. Yes, our behavior was somewhat different, “speaking in tongues,” and the like.
“It is Children’s Day at Mt. Sinai Holiness Church of God In Christ in Newark, New Jersey, in the Fall of 1959 and I feel as though I am being held prisoner on the first pew. I am five years old and wearing one of my favorite dresses … On my feet I am wearing a pair of shiny black patent leather shoes, so shiny I swear I can see my reflection in them. My short sandy brown hair, parted in three pigtails and secured by three large pink and blue ribbons, is standing on end like corkscrews. We are blessed this day with a great speaker, Reverend Walter J. Cook … When his sermon began three hours earlier, he promised he’d talk to us children about going to Heaven and how wonderful life will be once we get there. ‘You wants to go to Heaven, don’t cha?’ He asked. I shook my head yes. Considering the alternatives, I definitely wanted to go to Heaven. But … that was over three hours ago. Now my head … bobs up and down and back and forth like ping pong balls, as we desperately fight to keep our eyes open.”
Roberts states in this provocative book: “While most Negros were fighting for equal rights and education, standing up for equal access to drinking fountains, and struggling for equal choices in bus and restaurant seating, I was preparing for the end of the world. What difference did it make to me where I sat on the bus or where I ate my food? Jesus was coming soon, at which point, the world, along with all of its busses and restaurants and drinking fountains and schools, would be destroyed. I completely missed out on the civil rights marches, as well as on the notorious messages spread far and wide by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I was somewhat aware of the Vietnam War, but only because several members of our church had a son or a spouse stationed there. Nor did I get to enjoy Motown or the Beatles or any other worldly music. As a Pentecostal, I was to ‘be apart from the world and separated from sinners.’ A sinner, of course, was anybody who disagreed with our interpretation of the Bible and did not belong to a Pentecostal church.”
Another poignant passage in the book has the author stating: “I vowed that when I turned eighteen, I’d show them how to live the life of a sinner the right way and be good at it.” This was after Roberts’ preacher mother had the older sister of the author’s marriage annulled – for being married to a man yet still married – and having a child with him. This seems to be the central theme throughout Negroes, Flies and Wet Toilet Paper.
The “Preacher’s Daughter” narrates how she broke out of a self-destructive lifestyle by joining the military and later attending college and law school and becoming an attorney. This is her story about truly finding God and leaving religious dogma behind. The author has come a long way from those early years, where her mother’s preaching and teaching seemed to have such a hold on her life. This is a fascinating book – a book that provides us all something that we can relate to about our own upbringing, a tremendous book that I highly recommend for so many reasons.
Dennis Moore is a member of the San Diego Writers/Editors Guild and the author of a book about Chicago politics; “The City That Works: Power, Politics and Corruption in Chicago. Mr. Moore can be contacted at damien_brandy@yahoo.com or on Twitter at: @DennisMoore8.
Thank you, Mr. Moore for your gracious review of my book, “Negroes, Flies and Wet Toilet Paper.” I am honored by your fantastic review. San Diego’s local authors are blessed to have your support amongst us. Your past reviews of local authors have been fantastic so much so that it compels the reader of your reviews to buy a copy of the book. I am also inspired by your commitment to service in our local community. As the President of Bethel A.M.E. Prison Ministry in San Diego, California and as an editor for San Diego Writers Guild, you are certainly “doing something” as Mother Teresa put it-t help inspire others in our community. I hope that this book helps those of us who dare to question what we have been taught about God and discover God for themselves that God Is Love.
Debra Roberts Torres-Reyes author of Negroes, Flies and Wet Toilet Paper
Thank you Melody Cool and proudfoot for your comments. Melody, I struggled with the title as well as struggled with writing the book and releasing it. It reflects how I feel about my life and it was a word “N” word which my father used as a verb, adverb, adjective and noun. I grew up in the mid-west and we didn’t use the “N” – but if you read the book you will be able to understand the title and then let me know what you think after you read the book. Comments are great – good or bad. Thank you.
Very interesting book, but I surely wished you had thought of a different title.
My review actually explains the chosen title, as explained to me by the author. I realize that the title is provocative, especially considering our history as a people, but I think that was the intent of the author, Debra Roberts. The content of the book really is fascinating and thought provoking!
There is nothing at all wrong with the title because it reflect HER thoughts. MelodyCool, when you write YOUR book, you may call it what ever you want.
Thank you Mr. Moore. I knew the title would raise eyebrows when I finally released it. But it does reflect who I am and what I have been through and how by the grace and love of God, I survived.
I will make sure I check this out. I am a PK too so I am interested in reading your experience.
Thank you. You can find my book at http://www.iuniverse.com or on Barnes and Noble.com and it is available as an “ebook.”
I will be honored to join the author tomorrow, February 3, 2012, at the 46th Annual Authors Exhibition in San Diego, where her book will be on display. There is scheduled to be more than 200 guests at this prestigious event, showcasing their books, which includes my book about Chicago politics; “The City That Works: Power, Politics and Corruption in Chicago. The authors, Debra Roberts, will also have a book signing during Black History Month at the Malcolm X Library in San Diego.