*It appears that Chris Brown and Rihanna are revamping a love affair via Twitter, making duets and sending each other loving messages back-and-forth. The two star-crossed lovers are not being bashful about their devotion to one another, and the world is taking notice.
I admit that as the father of young women who are about the same age as Rihanna, I was saddened to see her get back together with Chris Brown. I provided a limited defense of Chris on CNN a couple of years ago, but only to a point. My goal was to be clear that making mistakes at the age of 19 does not permanently and automatically define you to be a social deviant.
But while I defended Chris, I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. In Mr. Brown, I saw (and still see) an arrogant young brother who feels entitled to anything he wants and doesn’t believe that he has to answer to anyone. In certain ways, he’s spoiled rotten, with millions of women, young and old, willing to do whatever he asks without any form of accountability whatsoever.
In other words, Chris Brown is a beast in the making.
Whether Chris will ever develop the discipline to know that his gifts don’t give him a blank check on irresponsible behavior, none of us can say. But one thing that is true about life is that your choices eventually catch up with you. If Chris grows into an R. Kelly 15 years from now, then we will know the answer.
The decision of Rihanna to reunite with Chris serves as a huge disservice to every family working to get their loved ones out of abusive relationships. She sends a clear message (which tends to be more prevalent in black America, unfortunately) that if a man has enough “swag,” money and power, you can forgive anything he does. While Rihanna may not be entirely innocent in her dealings with Chris, this message is a blow against women everywhere.
I am consistently amazed at how the strongest defenders of men like R. Kelly and Chris Brown tend to be women. As a man, I can’t help but feel guilty about the fact that nearly any atrocious abuse I commit can be excused if I know how to make women feel good. When we consider the downward spiral of relationship civility that has occurred in our community, courtesy of commercialized hip hop, it’s not surprising to see this shocking lack of self-respect.
The Chris Brown/Rihanna situation sends another message as well. It reminds us that bad relationships can simply be another drug to which we can become addicted. Rihanna and Chris make no secrets about how much their relationship was defined by getting high and drunk together, and enjoying another interesting drug called “sex.” So, it only seems logical that both of them might be subject to a relapse; I just wish it hadn’t happened in public.
This is not going to end well for Rihanna. The stories of Tina Turner’s abuse and Whitney Houston’s addiction are replaying themselves right before our very eyes. Rihanna is simply repeating the deadly cycles of her predecessors, and she’s too powerful to care what we think.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University and founder of the Your Black World Coalition. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.
I honestly cannot fanthom the hype about her. She has no talent. She is known for being a misfit per se.
*DISCLAIMER*I am not a Rihanna fan, but I do not dislike her*DISCLAIMER*
Now that I have got that out of the way, Diva007 you clearly need to understand the meaning of the word “talent”. No beef, but you and babycakes have trouble with that definition. So you’re saying Rihanna NONE/ZERO talent? That’s ludicrous at best. She’s won Grammys and numerous other awards and models. You have to have “some” talent to accomplish what she has. Even her being known as a misfit as you cliam, that’s a talent in itself that has paid her handsomely. It’s alright to not like Rihanna, but this no talent stuff must stop.
This makes no sense.
Rihanna (at the age of 24) is known to have been involved w/one man who knocked her around. That’s it. There is no “history” of violence/abuse/drugs before or after that…for neither she nor Chris.
Tina endured yeeeeeeeears of abuse and Whitney abused herself. While I ain’t feeling much of the stuff Rihanna has done lately, she is on no way Tina and Whitney rolled into one. She just ain’t.
Have I witnessed women abuse and attempt to abuse their male partners…and they remained a couple? Sure I have.
Do I know of instances where a man once knocked his female partner around..and they remained a couple? Sure I do.
But we all need to disabuse ourselves of the notion that these two would never communicate…never work together…or even get back together. We need to do this so we can stop fooling ourselves into believing that the lives of celebrities are indeed our own. No, it’s not. Neither of them are trying to be role models for/against domestic violence. We should stop thinking that these kids SHOULD be.
Dr. Boyce, you are sending a bad message to your daughters by giving Chris Brown a pass. You are letting them know that if a man beat the crap out of them like Chris Brown did, you will take his side and not your daughters’. I am woman who won’t tolerate any man putting his hands on me, with or without swagger or money. I got that from saying no to my father putting his hands on me, and I am a grown adult. Rihanna has always had low self esteem and it showing up now for those who did not know all this time. If all the people giving Rihanna money stop doing so because she has reconnected with Chris Brown, then she will get it; fans, Nivea, Armani, etc.
I really think that Rihanna was so much better without the Chris Brown…Usually in most cases when a man hits a woman, he will strike again…We know he been in anger management and all that..But, in reality, he is back on top in the music charts, and received a Grammy..and this is when the head start spinning again. A person has a way of tearing down that self esteem you have for yourself, if you let them…All we can say to Rihanna, you have had the warning signs….The next time..you’ve cried wolf….people may tend to ignore you if it happens again….
This is so dumb. So Rhianna is a combination of black women who “loved” to get their ass beat? Did I read this correctly? Dumb article and I didn’t read it all.
You are right. She does not care what we think.
Dr Boyce , my only dis/agreement in how you implied “the message she’s sending” if a man has enough swag, money, power (read the wrong way), he can get away with anything” . . . . . .is ONLY prevalant in the black community. It’s in all communities. . . . .Lastly, I’d like to think Tina and Whitney, had/have more class than these silly overindulged children will ever have in their short life-time.
On Q100, a pop station in Atlanta, they were discussing domestic violence yesterday (Tuesday) morning and this one lady on the phone said it. ADDICTION. It’s treating Rihanna the same as cocaine/meth/what-have-you would. Gives her a feeling of euphoria, then brings her down for the crash. Not sure why Dr. Boyce includes the “Tina Turner” angle, because it’s all Whitney, as far as addiction is concerned.
Like anybody with common sense didn’t think the black version of “Sid and Nancy” weren’t going re-connect…Pulease!!! She wants him just as bad as he wants her and they’ve been probably banging each other’s brains out ever since they left the courthouse in L.A. when he got sentenced. WTH cares??? NEXT Oh, and who is Dr. Boyce??? LOL
@Testic….no beef but that’s my opinion. I never said I disliked Rhianna, I just don’t understand the hype over her. Just because an artist wins an awards doesn’t make them noteworthy. In today’s music, talent is based on sales not so much as quality and showcase which is missing. Yes, artists such as Mike and Whitney sold records but they had something to show for it as well. These award shows just pretty much follow up with the concept based upon popularity. The Grammys and other shows have sunken low. There was a time you could watch it and enjoy the acts. Nowadays people are pretty much flipping the channels. Rhianna just doesn’t appeal to me that’s all and we all have different taste and flair in what we like.
Diva I’m with you. And I do not like nor listen to Rhiana’s music it’s just not what I like to listen to. Now let’s measure talent is it measured only by records sales? Awards? Yes these days it is. It has nothing to do with being able to perform for 2/12 hous at a concert because if these so called performers today had to do that they would be DEAD they can’t do it. they need auto tune to make them sound like they can sing. IMO real talent is when you can sing acapella with no music and still carry a tune when you can hold a note for more that 2 seconds w/o needing help off the stage they can’t do that them all smoke too much weed . Let’s just be real all of the so called “talent” these days are ripping off music from the 60′s and 70′s what do they cll it oh yea sampling because truth be told there has not been any REAL music since then. What did one comedian say all these artist today get on stage and try and make the audience sing all their damn songs this is so true! Oh I digress as far as her relationship with Chris Brown if she likes it I love it.We can’t do a damn thing about it anyway! How you gonna make her not like what she must love it guess if she is back with him that is her choice no one said she was the brightest bulb in the package. As a woman I really hope she does not get physically assulted again she is a pretty girl with not much else going on to me.Pretty don’t last forever
Having the ability to sing a cappella would cancel out a many performers…Alicia Keys tops that list and most people consider her “talented.”
I don’t even like Rihanna but her “talent” is what it is. You can’t remain relevant for as long (or short rather) as she has w/o “talent.”
Yes, she is talented at what she does. But let’s not delude ourselves into thinking that all old school acts were “talented.” Even the 90′s (my favorite era) artists weren’t really the best talent…the music and the times made it so much more than the actual “talent” alone.
I mean really, was Shai talented?
Diva007, I never said you disliked Rihanna either.
This relationship is explosive, and that’s really why their attracted to each other.
Fact: Chris Brown and Rihanna are adults, which is based on age in america. As adults, this is ‘their business’ that unfortunately gets played out in the public eye because they are public figures. Fact: Public figures in america, regardless of actions, are made role models by default due to ‘the media’ exposure and the control the exposure tends to have over the mass mentality. However, there will nearly always be an exception and ‘the media’ mostly controls who remains a public figure or who is demoted to public enemy. If we look back, and look closely, we re-member when Chris Brown was promoted to a figure then later, based on his actions, demoted (to enemy)…then we will re-member how he has gradually been promoted back (to figure). The Grammys performance and awards made it official. ‘The Media’ made those decisions which are passed down to the minds of most who give ‘the media’ its control.
In the end, who really gets boo-boo’d on? It’s the very ones who should be protected– our children. It’s hard to disagree that too many parents lack parenting skills and too many parents don’t really want to be parents in the first place. It’s not on the kids but they bear the brunt. ‘The Media’ is made to look cool, it’s limitlessly full of info to get into and ‘it’s there for them’ when seemingly nobody else is…so the violence-the loveless sex-the foul language-the self disrespect becomes acceptable…and why wouldn’t it be?…it surrounds us…because there’s too few to counter-act it by setting better examples—‘the media’ either chooses not to show it or shows better examples in ways that make doing better things look lame.
In the grander scheme of things Rihanna is Tina and Whitney in one (not Whitney, yet, though) but in the sense that mostly All entertainers are created by ‘the industry’ and ‘the media’…these personas are not who they really are.
Because none of were there when Rihanna and Chris fought, we don’t know what happened. I was an abusive woman when I was younger because of the abuse that I witnessed. My first love went through months of abuse from me. After he had had enough, I was told that if I hit him one more time, he was going to hit me back. And that time came, not really hard but he let me know that he had had enough. I guess that I had hit him enough and broken enough of his stuff that he was tired. Our relationship lasted two more years after that incident and I never ever hit him again. He never ever hit me either, he wasn’t a violent person. I say all this to say, we don’t know what really happened, we just saw the end effects.
shells, I never get why I woman would hit a man first.
Trust me Melody.
The scenario described is a real and prevalent one. A women will hit a man for the first time when she gets upset about something. If the man is not violent and does not respond, it will be repeated at another time, until it becomes habit forming.
If goes unchecked, the abuse will become more and more violent.
Exactly the same scenario when a man abuses a woman. The key is for the victim to respond in a forceful enough manner to make sure that it is the first and the last.