*I was saddened to read about the fake suicide attempt by Terricka Cason Cromartie, wife of NFL star Antonio Cromartie. Mr. Cromartie is known as much for the many places his sex organs have traveled as he is for his prowess on the football field. By having 8 kids with 7 woman, plus another four with his wife, Cromartie represents both the very best and worst of what that black men can be.
On one hand, Cromartie deserves credit for settling down and having his last four kids under the umbrella of marriage. He is at least a little bit better off than the ridiculous man who has 30 kids and is now begging for help to cover massive amounts of child support. But the truth is that Cromartie will end up spending the next 30 years of his life paying for decisions made in his youth. Terricka may think she won the prize by getting Cromartie’s hand in marriage, but she may have won the boobie prize instead. Her experience serves as a teaching and learning point for all of the young women who are being swooned by the alpha male dream boats in their midst.
Here are a few things that Mrs. Cromartie might have to look forward to as she experiences the drama and trauma of marrying the man that all women seem to love:
1) An undisciplined husband with gobs of female attention: Comedian Chris Rock always joked that “a man is only as faithful as his options.” While I disagree with Rock’s assessment (a mature man realizes that having all the women you want is not always good for your physical and psychological health), the truth is that beautiful women can be like crack cocaine calling the addict out of bed in the middle of the night. A gluttonous, fertile man who hasn’t been taught family values never gets tired of adding yet another woman to his Rolodex, and the woman that he is with finds her feminine instincts buzzing like a fire alarm at every turn.
All the while, the man is smooth enough to convince her that she is the crazy one, driving her even crazier in the process. The next thing you know, she’s faking her own suicide to get attention, slashing the man’s tires or going through his cell phone looking for prohibitive text messages. There is no quicker path to insanity than dealing with a mate who doesn’t respect you.
2) STDs anyone? If you have that much unprotected sex with that many woman, most statistical data says that you’re probably going catch at least two or three venereal diseases. Herpes and HPV are a good start, but HIV is always a possibility. Making matters more interesting is that a lot of brothers have a lot of sex and haven’t gotten tested for anything since that math exam in the 12th grade. Then, if the test does happen, getting the license of being “HIV free” becomes a blank check for more unprotected sex, while no one has said a word about being tested for all the other venereal diseases that can kill you. Yes, this is a recipe for disaster and nearly anything done in excess usually has a consequence.
3) Her man will probably go broke: Cromartie, a man who has already paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to his sperm donees (the New York Jets had to pay him $500,000 in advance, just to cover back child support) , is going to be paying huge sums of money long after his body has given out on him. Then, he will become like Terrell Owens, who finds that the sexual prowess of his youth was both the gift and the curse of a lifetime. When a man goes broke, the first ones to pay the price are the people who live in his home, at least that was the story told to me in an email sent from a former Basketball Wife who is now living at home with her parents.
4) Most of his kids are probably going to hate him: Not only do men pay a financial price for spreading their seed in an undisciplined manner, their children pay the ultimate price. Children who don’t get time with their fathers are more likely to be hurt, angry, depressed and self-destructive. The next thing you know, Cromartie’s son is following in his dad’s footsteps, ignoring his father’s pleas not to “repeat the mistakes that have destroyed my life.”
Here’s a bit of “fatherly advice” for young women who have at least one Antonio Cromartie in your life (these guys get around, and you’re not the only woman he is chasing): Avoid these brothers like the plague. You can find another man who is just as attractive, but who who might also be educated, intelligent in his choices, disease free and not headed down the path toward financial destruction.
For the guys who look up to men like Cromartie, I encourage you to realize that you don’t have to share your sex organs with any willing vagina in your path. A lot of women come with pretty faces, “slamming” bodies, psychological issues, a long list of diseases and enough venom to murder a rattle snake. Any woman you lay down with has the potential to be the mother of your child, so I encourage you to choose wisely. Sex is one of the most powerful forces in the universe, and anything that powerful must be used responsibly. There isn’t much to say beyond that.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Syracuse University Professor and author of the forthcoming book, “The RAPP Sheet: Rising Above Psychological Poison.” To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.