myesha chaney*My mom used to say if you keep on living you will go through hardship. At the tender age of eighteen, I laughed at the notion of hardship because I felt invincible. I was determined to make the right choices in life; those that would warrant some sort of religious pardon from pain. I was afraid of pain, heartbreak, and disappointment. I did not know how to brace myself for the blows of life that would somehow find my address and eventually invade my emotional fortress. After living a few more years and enduring those difficulties my mother promised me I would, I learn the hardest part wasn’t experiencing the pain but finding the courage and the ability to let go and forgive.  Yeah, it sucks but it is necessary for true healing.

I always had high expectations and because of that I carried a lot of disappointment. I would plan a party for my birthday and invite all of my friends. When they didn’t show up, I would be terribly saddened and would hold a grudge against them for not being there for me. Initially, I decided I would never have expectations of anyone to do anything for me, but I missed out on memories and special moments. Instead, I became more vulnerable and forgave others for not measuring up to my invisible standards. Many of my friends wouldn’t even know why I stopped returning calls or hanging out. I held something against them that they did not even know about.

There have been some horrific things that have happened to us in life. Unspeakable things like molestation, abandonment from a parent, parental favoritism between siblings, divorce, having a child on drugs, felony convictions, the lost of a child or parent, and other sources of pain have wounded the hearts of people everywhere.   Sometimes we get through these things by placing the blame on the parties we feel are responsible, and we spend years of our lives replaying the events in our built-in recorders. We are unable to have true joy, enjoy meaningful relationships, and progress to wholeness. There are trust issues, insecurities, and other mistakes that result from our inability to let go and forgive. At some point it is necessary to acknowledge the following: 1) something has happened 2) it has hurt me deeply 3) it shouldn’t have happen 4) there is nothing that will change it 5) there is nothing I can do about it.

No matter how bad the circumstances, there were still things learned along life’s journey that no one could steal from you. You are much stronger now.  You have gained so much insight.  You have become a better person through it all. Use all the positive energy you have gained to free yourself of the burden of un-forgiveness. Walk outside and smell the roses because it is a new day. See the possibilities waiting on the horizon for you.  You cannot change anything in the past and certainly cannot prevent any hurt from happening in the future. Forgive those who have hurt you and more importantly, forgive yourself.

Myesha Chaney is a recording artist signed to Kingdomanity Entertainment.  Her debut CD, Take Him to The World, will be in stores and online outlets on July 3, 2012.  She is a wife, mother and the first lady of Antioch Church of Long Beach, where her husband, Wayne Chaney, is Senior Pastor.  She co-hosts a weekly radio show, “Real Life with Pastor Wayne and Myesha Chaney,” with her husband on Los Angeles’ KJLH.   Please visit her at www.myeshachaney.com.  You can email her at [email protected].