*Rihanna has been accused of sending out a dangerous message to other victims of domestic violence after admitting she still “misses” her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown, who was charged with assaulting her three years ago.
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Rihanna’s turbulent two-year relationship with Chris Brown ended after he left her bruised and bloodied on the eve of the Grammy Awards in 2009. In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, which aired Sunday night on “Oprah’s Next Chapter,” Rihanna said that the assault had left her in “a weird, confusing space.”
Conceding to still having feelings for Brown, she added: “I lost my best friend – like everything I knew switched in a night, and I couldn’t control that. He made that mistake because he needed help. …Who’s gonna help him? Nobody’s gonna say he needs help. Everybody’s gonna say he’s a monster without looking at the source. I was more concerned about him.”
Vivienne Hayes, chief executive of the Women’s Resource Center, said yesterday: “Rihanna’s case demonstrates the emotional complexities felt by women locked in abusive relationships. It is common for victims to blame themselves for violence perpetrated by their male partners. Whatever the nature of the argument, [Brown] chose to beat her up. He has to accept responsibility for that choice. And we need to stop society allowing us to normalize such behavior.”
Erin Pizzey, an advocate who pioneered aid for abused women by setting up Britain’s first refuge center for victims, added: “This sends out a very dangerous message to teenagers that roller-coaster relationships with violence-prone personalities are edgy and exciting. They’re not. The relationship is toxic and unhealthy. Both are in need of help and that is the message that young people should be receiving.”
In the interview, she was not “blaming herself” for making him hit her. She said that she knew there had to have been some issues he had that would make him react to the situation by hitting her. And she wanted him to get the help he needed to deal with the issues. That was where her compassion for him came from. And at least she was honest enough to say that he was the love of her life (key word “was”). I don’t think she was saying “oh, he just had an off day and I shouldn’t have pressed his buttons to make him beat me down”. Face it – any man (or woman) that gets violent with their partner needs therapy to find the root of the problem and then work on repairing themselves so as not to let it happen again.
RICHARD…I CONCUR, WITH YOU….100%
I don’t see anything wrong with what she said. She gave HER interview of how SHE felt which is very in line with most women go through. Many young girls and grown women go through this phase of trying to just get through it after their worlds have changed. It’s an honest feeling that should not be silenced. It’s getting through those emotions where the victim needs help and what she has said needs to get out there so others in the situation, either going through it or getting out of it, can find some type of peace to know that what they are feeling is true and expected. Those feelings of love, betrayal, and loss of love are REAL. And everyone’s journey is different. No where in there does she say she would return, but some do and that also needs to be discussed.
I wouldn’t touch HER comments/feelings with a ten-foot pole; It is HER life,HER feelings, and HER issues to deal with; It was appalling what happened to her—upon that i agree; as for feeling sorry for him…again, that is something that someone with far more insight and professioalism can delve into–i would not do that; but i have to say that Oprah has turned into such an opportunity hag and it just irks me so…however, that is only MY opinion — For that young woman to have to dredge up all of that hurt and pain all over again in front of the world…her vulnerability brought her to that point…her people (agents/family/whoever)–should have told her it was not a good idea … but to seek private help and not spread her business all over the media –and to see Oprah for what she was really doing–what possible good came out of this interview other than making that young woman relive that nite; those feelings, emotions…that should be onlyshared with her psychiatrist…and her God…NOT Oprah and 5 million noseyazz viewers..just my opinion–I’m done on this subject…forever. Bless you Rihanna…but keep this incident out of the public eye–stop the the feeding frenzy–Just saying sweetie. p.s. Fk Chris brown for real!–Focus on YOU and YOUR healing…you can’t heal for HIM…that’s his cross to bear! You have enuff to deal with as it is.
We don’t know Rihanna’s real motives for spilling her guts with Oprah. Could be that she knows it would be great publicity to get people talking about her (like we are right now) and we might go “oh, by the way, does she have a new record out? Maybe I’ll buy it”. Or it could be that she wants to share her story and be a role model for girls (like she said when the incident first happened). But I don’t believe that “role model” BS. She claimed to want to be a role model right after the incident in 2009 and then in her very next video, she was half naked wearing with two strips of black tape across her nips while winding her. Yeah Rihanna, a real role model for the girls…And that is still her M.O. today in videos….So, I think she is concerned about Chris Brown and his issues, but please don’t preach that role model stuff…
I’m getting tired of black folk having to get reprimanded for everything they say that can be interpreted or misconstrued as out-of-turn. Abuse is sensationalized when it’s our people because it only feeds into the media-overblown notion of black dysfunction.
“Abuse is sensationalized when it’s our people because it only feeds into the media-overblown notion of black dysfunction.”
I so agree. I had a problem with a panhandling bum that required having him arrested twice…the second time was for violating an order of protection. Some whites in the neighborhood tried to draw me into providing details about what transpired to land him on Rikers for 5 weeks and barred the neighborhood for 2 years. Rihanna should stop responding to what happened 3 years ago because the media seeks to deflect and pretend dysfunction is housed in one community only.
Is this racial?
Gayle, I honestly think you make those stupid ass comments just to get a rise out of people. Is this racial? Ummm, last time I checked, we aren’t the ones that made anything racial…good grief
I think it’s “extreeeeeeemely irresponsible” & unhealthy, to have or continue this…one-sided.view. Like…..how about “help” for those who “think” they can just “fk with the Lion” & NOT get bit!?? Why aren’t there any demands accusations name calling etc…. For HUH!?? Again….SHE started the fight ….”while he was driiiiiiiviiiiiiing”!!!! WTF was he “suppose to do”, just let huh kill them…..both!?? “She” “lost control” & SHE needs the GD ….”help” too. It may be all “PC” to NOT hold females responsible for what they “deciiiiide to do”?, but like in any other scenario …ignoring the prollum?, only makes the prollum…..worse. And the prollum eeah?….”ANYone (male OR female!!) who thinks they shyt don’t stink & they don’t have to suffer the consequences of “their”…..actions. No one should have a “get out of jail” card, simply b/c of their ….”female” gender! And endangering others, b/c YOU cain’t control YOshellllllllf?, is some major shyt that sho NUFF needs a……”fixing”. All Day, Boo!/Beleeeeeeedat!
I agree with the Vivienne and Erin 100%. I feel that abuse victims need to have mandatory counseling just like their abusers. If Rihanna had to do that, she would have not said those things to Oprah. Rihanna is supposed to be the example of a woman who should not be abused but she isn’t: highschool diploma, own house, own car, own money, no children.
How can you say what she would have said if she had gotten counseling and how would you know if she got it or not? It seems to me that she has progressed quite a bit. I don’t understand people making it seem like she’s wrong for caring about him. You don’t stop caring about people because they screw up and she’s right. Who was going to say he needed help and figure out the source of his problem? Abuse always has a source and people can change if they commit to changing. I feel for him still. No other person would have had to endure what he’s endured behind the situation. She was with him. I’m sure she knows and understands the background he came from because they both came from it. He deserves a chance.
From what Rihanna said in the interview, I believe she did get the proper help she needed. She admitted that she had to look at herself and figure out why she was incapabable of loving and was always angry and it was because of how she felt about her father. I don’t think she came to that self discovery on her own. Chris’ abusive behavior is not warranted but we cannot say that it wasn’t provoked. I don’t think ANY man should put his hands on a woman for any reason, but it seems like they had had conversations that he revealed some personal information to her about his past. She said that people were going to crusify him without knowing the root of the problem…which came out later that he saw his mother abused. What she said in her interview is HER feelings and nobody can tell her how to feel…whether they like it or not.
I applaud her honesty. Rihanna is right, if she can move on, so should we. Why hold hate in your heart? Life is short. Tomorrow isn’t promised to any anyone. We should live our lives to the fullest. Rihanna is living hers. She is trying to put her past behind her look to the future. Chris is involved with someone else. She doesn’t wanna hold a grudge anymore.They both have separate lives. I am really happy, she’s happy.