*I recently pulled out of a relationship panel discussion in which I was supposed to be the moderator.
I watched it morph from a panel of Black men speaking into something else when two women were added as co-moderators.
Some people believe that whenever men have something to say, it must be balanced out with a woman’s perspective. Yet there are plenty of male bashing sessions in public and online where any man’s perspective is sharply rejected.
Such communication failures are just one of the reasons why men and women have difficulty maintaining relationships.
Frankly, some women just aren’t interested in anything men say. In fact, they aren’t interested in any perspective that contradicts what they believe, which is that everything wrong with love is the man’s fault.
This faulty thinking omits the hard and ugly fact that women changed over the last 40 years, not men. And the ways in which women changed have just not benefited them—or anyone else—when it comes to love.
For example, one of the things feminism gave us is the battle cry of the independent woman: “I don’t need a man!” That battle cry is typically accompanied by whining about not being able to find a man.
Men have been under assault. In child support cases, men get taken to the mat to pay for a child that they may not have wanted and may not have actually fathered. But how many of us even know one woman who has been jailed for not paying child support? And how many women even want to hear men complain about paying child support, while the system allows many women to keep the child away from the father?
When the marriage ends, who gets taxed for spousal support? Even in cases involving women of means, men are still supposed to “man up,” (whatever that means) and walk away with nothing. Take a good look at Eric Benet and Halle Berry.
Even with major wins for “Girl Power,” many of today’s women are angry. They bitch and moan about having to do it all themselves (whether it is true or not), and they bitch and moan about not being able to find a good man “on their level,” who is willing to marry them.
But here’s a dirty little secret: many men are just unwilling to roll the dice when it comes to marriage because of the potential fallout that could leave them financially raped and beaten and emotionally scarred.
And, at some point, women, especially Black women, have to stop passing around unfounded lies about Black men being in jail, down low, undereducated and/or in hot pursuit of white women and fried chicken.
Many men and women fail to get to the altar because women who feel put upon are extremely vocal about their displeasure with men.
In short, no one wants to hear it or live with it.
So, until Black women stop telling the media and the world that Black men are no good and the reason for all of their unhappiness, more Black men will choose the single life that they can control over a life tied to someone who speaks of disliking them, while demanding happiness from them.
If you are not that woman, you have a great chance. Men are looking for you.
If you are that woman, many men and women are waiting for you to grow old and die off like the dinosaurs.
Because you have caused the death of marriage.
Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology “Notes From The Edge.” James’ stage play, “Love In A Day,” opened in Los Angeles in 2001 and will become a feature film in 2012. View previous installments of this column at www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at [email protected].
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