iyanla vanzant  (& cnikky)*Iyanla Vanzant is the life coach that many of us look to for advice and guidance.

Her show, “Iyanla: Fix My Life” remains one of the biggest hits on Oprah’s network, OWN.

Last season she started out with a bang, when she helped shape the life of “Basketball Wives” Miami star Evelyn Lozada, both before and after her tumultuous marriage to NFL Star Chad Ochocinco.

Season 2 begins (tonight)  Saturday and this time, she is tackling one of the wildest rappers in Hip Hop, DMX. (Scroll down for more on that.)

EURweb associate, Cherise (CNikky) Nicole caught up with Iyanla during the Essence Black Women In Hollywood.  She spoke to us about her mentor Oprah Winfrey, her She-roes, bad relationships and her insecurities.

While many of us are identifying and learning to overcome our insecurities during our 20s, 30s and 40s, Iyanla says that at 60 years old, her insecurities have become her new normal.

“You know when I was 20 and 30 they were insecurities.  Now they’re just a new normal. I’m 60 years old, so my expectations of who I am and how I look and how I show up in the world had to shift.  Not  because I couldn’t help it, or not because I did anything wrong, but because I had to get into the natural flow of my being as a woman. So, I no longer have insecurities. I have new normals.  You know, the new normal that I can’t read the writing on the cereal box.  The new normal that I’ve gone from a thong to a spanx! It’s wonderful! It’s a new normal!  Who am I to be insecure about these things?  I know they didn’t make spanx just for me so there’s some other women out there that have the same normal as me.”

cherisefixlife2Love Her! Tune in to the explosive Season 2 Premiere of “Iyanla: Fix My Life” tonight,  Saturday at 9pm on OWN!

Watch the interview below:

As we alluded to above, tonight (04-13-13) at 9pm on OWN, Iyanla takes on what looks to be a real, real interesting challenge/assignment with rapper/actor DMX.

Vanzant meets the embattled rapper on the season 2 premiere of “Iyanla: Fix My Life” to offer “support” around his issues with drug abuse, women, his extensive arrest record (“roughly 30 times,” he tells her), and his relationship with his family, particularly his son.Vanzant spoke to ESSENCE.com about the episode, where she thinks DMX went wrong, and what we can all learn from him.
iyanla vanzant & dmx
ESSENCE.com: Where do you think DMX went wrong?
VANZANT: I don’t think that he went wrong. All of us have ways in which we mask and cover our pain. This is a man who is in a tremendous amount of pain. Some of us eat; some of us shop or eat chocolate. What he is doing is a less socially acceptable way to mask and cover his pain because he doesn’t have the skills and the tools to deal with it otherwise. So I don’t think he went wrong, it’s just a defense mechanism.

ESSENCE.com: Where do you think that pain came from?
VANZANT: It came from his upbringing and the breakdown in the relationship with his father. It came from a breakdown in the relationship with his mom, who was struggling and trying to raise him. She ended up putting him in a juvenile detention center because he was acting out and she didn’t have the capacity or the tools to deal with him. What he made up about that is that she was abandoning him when the truth is that she as doing the best that she could.

ESSENCE.com: There’s a part of us that may want to be voyeuristic when watching this episode because we’re watching yet another celebrity breakdown. At the same time it feels like there’s something we can learn here.
VANZANT: All of us can learn something from this. We can learn how to have hard conversations; how to not let people die when we see them engaged in bad behaviors. We can learn how to have compassion for someone when they’re being a total butthead because compassion is what will help open their heart. We can learn how to create powerful, strong boundaries, and not allow people to cross those boundaries.

Read the rest of this Q&A at ESSENCE.