jason collins

Jason Collins

*Monday, April 29, 2013 – Professional basketball player Jason Collins comes out as a gay man. That night the NBA playoffs continued with three teams avoiding the end of their seasons.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013 – An American Airlines flight from Portugal crashed into the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Georgia. The last words from the pilot were about a number of pigs flying around the plane. Investigators have determined that one of the pigs got sucked into an engine, disabling the aircraft.

In the two NBA playoff games that night, because of the demands of militant gay elites, all four teams dressed in rainbow colored uniforms. In the ensuing confusion there were a record 138 turnovers. In a halftime interview Zach Randolph, a 6’9” 260 pound power forward with a reputation as a tough guy, explained that while the uniforms were hurting play no one would dare risk getting on the bad side of the local PFLAG chapter in Memphis.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013 – A farmer in the suburbs of Ames Iowa had a happy reunion with his favorite cow which had left the farm several years before to find itself in Europe.

In a playoff game between the Knicks and Celtics in New York City all of the courtside seats were filled with people with Greenwich Village addresses. New York Knick owner was quoted saying “Greenwich Village is one of the proudest gay communities in the country. We know that not everyone that lives there is gay but you just can’t let an opportunity to kick out all of the high profile celebrities who normally sit courtside. Truth is I’ve never liked Woody Allen.”

Even though Jason Collins was on the Washington Wizard roster this season  and they did not make the playoffs he makes an appearance in the Atlanta – Indiana game; a mob carried him into the arena on their shoulders. His status as an aging backup center with a skill set not applicable to the current NBA style of play did not matter as the official scorekeeper marked him for each rebound, assist, point scored, and block that occurred in the game.

Thursday, May 2, 2013 – David Stern holds a 9:00am press conference that each team would be expected to play topless on account of the fact that gay people are obviously taking over the country and the NBA had a primarily male fan base. Right after that statement he resigned and announced that Jason Collins would be replacing him effective immediately.

Friday, May 3, 2013 – The commissioners of the NFL, NHL, and MLB have a joint announcement that they will only accept homosexual players going forward. Any player who professes heterosexuality has to produce at least homosexual lover by the beginning of next season.

The Pacers eliminate the Hawks as the crowd in Atlanta turns on the home team because they just aren’t in good enough shape. After the game a few Indiana players perform a striptease at midcourt.

Or, alternatively: Monday, April 29, 2013 – Professional basketball player Jason Collins comes out as a gay man.

The ultra male culture of American team sports is formally given an extra layer by having someone openly gay within it. Dozens of professional athletes and celebrities congratulate Collins for living his life the way he wants.

Despite what many who villainize homosexuality have said/taught, nothing else happens.

For a while professional sports belonged to the working class and as such they were often on the cutting edge of acceptance because all that mattered was if the person in question could get the job done. Professional sports are no longer populated by working class people so they were/are a bit behind the curve on accepting an openly homosexual man. So this announcement is probably the last frontier in American society. Homosexuality is not destroying the country, not turning things upside down. Collins will be another proof of this.

Trevor Brookins is a free lance writer in Rockland County, New York. He is currently working on a book about American culture during the Cold War.  His writing has appeared in The Journal News. You can reach him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @historictrev.

Trevor Brookins

Trevor Brookins