steffanie rivers

Steffanie Rivers

*I was talking with a friend the other day when the subject turned to relationships.

That’s when she (I’ll call her Shay) told me she has had three marriage proposals from three different men in recent years and turned them down; all three of them. When I asked why, Shay said none of them was “the one.”

Obviously each of them considered Shay to be Mrs. Right. Three marriage proposals are a good indication that she has marketable wifey qualities. And I’m not gay, but I see why men would be physically attracted to her. Most men don’t look beyond the superficial. It’s the same as when they have a television remote in their hands: They’re too busy searching for what else is on TV to lock in on the good thing in front of them. And those who take the time to look beyond the superficial probably have a physical, financial or emotional challenge that makes them otherwise unattractive to most women. So they don’t have a choice. But I digress.

What about Shay’s prospects? Should she continue to pass up on good men in search of “the one?” Or should she consider three marriage proposals more than her fair share, get on with loving the one she’s with and pick a husband? When it comes to marriage, could it be that men are not as choosey as women? If a woman presents well in public and performs well in bed that seems to be at the top of the priority list for most men. Women, on the other hand, have a wish list of qualifications for choosing their Mr. Right. Regardless of their race, age or socio-economic status most women want a man who earns a certain amount of income, loves children, has a sense of humor, is adventurous, monogamous, God-fearing, is and always has been heterosexual. And not necessarily in that order.

They discuss the list among themselves and check it like a gas gauge running on empty. But they rarely hold their prospects to the high standards they set. Consequently, their prospects don’t try to live up to those standards. They don’t have to, because what one woman is unwilling to do someone else will.

I too have turned down a few marriage proposals. The first came when I was in undergrad, the second came when I had graduated and was starting my career. That was decades ago. I wasn’t ready for marriage. Years later when I got married I wasn’t ready for the challenge it took to stay happily married. Had I known then what I know now I might have stayed away from the marriage game altogether.

Steffanie is a freelance journalist living in the Dallas, Texas metroplex. For questions, comments and speaking engagements email her [email protected].