*Here’s a joke: Why did President Obama cross the road? Because he knew Tavis Smiley would follow, and hoped that Tavis would be ran over by a speeding diesel truck. Maybe then Obama wouldn’t have to field so many questions about his plans for Black America.
However, even with Tavis out of the picture, Obama would still be left with numerous complaints from other black folk looking for handouts. Obama would still have to ignore relentless criticism from Dr. Cornel West, a black activist turned attention whore who’s ironically married to a white woman. Obama would still be under tremendous pressure to placate various complaining black rights organizations like the NAACP, The Congress of Racial Equality (CORE), The National Black Justice Coalition (NBJC), and The National Action Network, among others. In other words, there are only three guarantees in life: death, taxes, and complaints from the black community (just ask the commander-in-chief).
There’s a whistleblower on every playground who tattles whenever he feels wronged. In America, black people have adopted this role at the expense of progress, dignity and self-reliance. In July, rumblings of racial injustice erupted after George Zimmerman’s acquittal for the shooting death of Trayvon Martin. Before that, enraged members of the black press crucified cooking celebrity Paula Deen, a helpless white woman, after she admitted using the “n” word during an interview. Earlier this year, the Academy’s snubbing of several black actors prompted—yup, you guessed it, more complaining.
It appears that many black folk have chosen to ignore the several thousand homicides committed in urban communities every year, or that Quentin Tarantino used the word “Nigga” a bazillion times in his most recent film “Django” (which we flocked to), and maybe it’s gone over our heads, but we pay our hard-earned money to see movies featuring the same white actors who beat out black ones at every damn award ceremony. Am I in the twilight zone?
Whew, let me catch my breath.
During the civil rights era, Martin Luther King Jr. urged his supporters to be problem-solvers instead of complaint artists. Today, America’s black leaders continuously cry wolf without searching for dysfunction among the sheep they protect. Black apologists and attention-seeking activists (ahem, Al Sharpton) fervently blame shift during televised conversations about race. They hoot and holler about favoritism in the courtroom, nepotism in the boardroom, and inadequacy in the classroom. Well, here’s a suggestion. Why don’t you grey-haired, washed-up Negroes search for solutions instead of overanalyzing the problems? You all can start by urging the black community to deal with its own issues. For instance:
-Are “the powers that be” responsible for the objectification of young black sisters in hip-hop videos?
-Should “the man” be held accountable for gang violence, criminality and the pervasiveness of drugs and alcohol throughout black ghettos countrywide?
-Should we condemn “Uncle Sam” because Tyrone would rather break the law than pick up a book or apply for a job?
-Do “Honkies” force black consumers to patronize white businesses instead of their own?
-Who’s responsible for the “hood-rich mentality” that causes certain black folk to live beyond their means?
-It’s no secret that minorities have limited access to healthcare. It’s also general knowledge that chronic illness like diabetes and heart disease affect African Americans more than any other demographic in the US. Nevertheless, blacks consciously ruin their health with foods that are high in sodium, fat, cholesterol and sugar. Is the Caucasian population responsible for that too?
-Hey black parents, why are you waiting for the school system to educate your children? How about doing it yourselves?
-Are “peckerwoods” guilty for black men abandoning their families, thereby perpetuating black single-motherhood and the disintegration of the black family home?
-Is congress to blame for rampant reports of child-molestation, embezzlement and pulpit division in black churches?
-Should “Ol Whitey” have to answer for blatant secularism in black gospel music?
-Is Viacom responsible for the smut that’s featured on BET, or is Bob Johnson guilty for greedily selling the network in the first place?
The list goes on and on, people.
I’m really not the uplifting, motivational type. However, I believe that balance is the key to all things. Therefore, allow me to offer a list of potential solutions that may improve the black condition.
-Sisters, get off the damn pole and take ya’ll asses to school.
-Brothers, if you’re man enough (or foolish enough) to have unprotected sex, be man enough to raise your children—the right way.
-Ray Ray, quit killing Niggas (oops, sorry Spike Lee).
-Tyrone, get a damn job.
-Brothers and sisters, recycle the black dollars whenever and however you can.
-Big Mamma, eat some carrots for once and put down the sweet potato pie. It’s killing you!
-Black parents, if you instill the value of education in your children, they will have a much greater chance of succeeding in the classroom. It’s not rocket science.
-Black clergymen, stop these teenage buffoons from doing the tootsie roll in church. Also, little boys are off limits! And if $5 dollars are all I have, stop pressuring me to put more money into the collection plate. Damn! Remember, God don’t’ like ugly.
-BET, just die!
Sociologists predict that by year 2050, minorities in this country will make up the majority. Hispanics and the Chinese aren’t wasting any time. Black people, it’s your move, make it count. And for the love of God, stop complaining!
The Black Hat column is written by Southern California based Cory A. Haywood who is also a certified personal fitness trainer. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his websites: www.coryhaywood.webs.com or CoryTheWriter.blogspot.com.