phil robertson (shades) *If you thought “Duck Dynasty‘s” Phil Robertson comments about homosexuality and race (“Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say, ‘Were they happy?’ They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”) were a tad conservative aka homophobic/racist, well git ready fo’ some mo’ Southern, home spun wisdom, er, nitwittedness. Yep, spoken with one hand on his bible, from his lips to your ears.

A talk Robertson gave at the Sportsmen’s Ministry in Georgia back in 2009 has come to light. He advises grown men scoop up a young bride straight outta high school.  Oh yeah, you might wanna make sure she knows what ta do in da in the kitchen and is familiar with Scripture, too.

“Make sure that she can cook a meal, you need to eat some meals that she cooks, check that out,” he said. “Make sure she carries her Bible. That’ll save you a lot of trouble down the road. And if she picks your ducks, now, that’s a woman.”

Yeah, we know. You’re probably wondering what the heck “pick your ducks” means. Well, it means cleaning a bird of its feathers. See, it’s not that dirty thought you was thinking. :)

“They got to where they’re getting hard to find. Mainly because these boys are waiting until they get to be about 20-years-old before they marry ‘em,” continued Robertson, who married wife Kay when she was 16 to his 20. “Look, you wait until they get to be 20-years-old, the only picking that’s going to take place is your pocket.”

Hmm, he does have a point there. OK, we jus’ joshin’ ya. Ha. Ha.

Anyway, that bit wisdom got a lot guffaws from the presumably male-dominated crowd.

“You got to marry these girls when they are about 15 or 16,” proclaims Phil, whose aspiring fashion designer granddaughter, Sadie, is an apparently a very marriageable 16. He then prudently cautions, “You need to check with mom and dad about that, of course.”

For what it’s worth, if you plan on taking Phil’s advice, in Georgia you need to be at least 16 to apply for a marriage license (with parental consent). And in Louisiana, a court order is necessary for females under the age of 16.