*NBA – The league announces its plans to expand in the Las Vegas metropolitan area. The ownership is debating whether the team will be called the Las Vegas Loansharks or the Las Vegas Pointshavers.
PGA – The tour announced a new event to take place overseas in Poland. The Kike Open is expected to attract many of the country’s up-and-coming golfers and raise significant funds for the national golf academy.
Handball – China has decided to change the name of its national team for the next international competition. Those in charge say the new name the Chinks should be a sense of national pride.
Baseball – An independent minor league that has teams in Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia has agreed to take on another team in Alabama. The Selma Rednecks will be holding open tryouts next month.
Cricket – The number one ranked club team in India has decided to change it’s name to the Curry Munchers to take advantage of lucrative sponsorship opportunities. They already have interest from multiple North American corporations.
Volleyball – The Under 16 Volleyball team of Japan will take to calling themselves the Nips. Officials cited the slight build of the players necessitating smaller uniforms because less letters fit.
Basketball – In an effort to promote harmony among ethnic groups in their respective countries, South Korea, Guatemala, and Liberia have announced that they will host youth teams from the other countries in a series of games. Parents interested in joining the Twinkies, Triskets, or Oreos should contact the offices of the clubs. Be advised only those with a mixed European heritage should call.
WNBA – Many former players have expressed interest in getting back into the league should the rumored expansion occur. A sister team to the brand new Las Vegas franchise would carry the nickname the Coffee Getters. No word yet on what the team colors would be.
MLB – In an effort to reach out to fans in Mexico Major League Baseball World Series champion will play a series of exhibition games next spring against the team that has won the last four Mexican league championships. The Wetbacks have gone an astonishing 40-6 in the last four postseasons. Observers think their speed is the main reason for their success.
Soccer – The Saudi Arabian national team will go by the nickname the Towelheads during the qualifying matches for the next World Cup. Coaches said it would do them well to embrace their history and traditional garb.
NFL – Dan Snyder, owner of the Washington Redskins, recently renewed the team’s contract with a local vendor to provide refreshments at home games. Snyder pledged 10% of all vending sales from next season to help fight racial profiling in the Washington D.C. metropolitan area.
Trevor Brookins is a free lance writer in Rockland County, New York. He is currently working on a book about American culture during the Cold War. His writing has appeared in The Journal News. You can reach him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @historictrev.