*My secret affair with R. Kelly started by accident. I was a faithful celebrity basketball wife who deeply loved her husband, but after suffering from abuse and infidelity for many years, I eventually did what I never thought I would do: share my bed with another man.
I met Robert Kelly before he became the world-renowned superstar, R. Kelly. At the time, he was everything a woman could want: seductive, passionate, and charming. We had a very strong sexual chemistry that was undeniable, and even though it was wrong, it was almost impossible for us to resist the temptation.
Caught between a deep desire to save my marriage and my overwhelming urge to share my body with R. Kelly, I was in a deep state of confusion. After fighting our intense sexual attraction, R. Kelly and I decided to take our friendship to a different level, and although I cannot go into too many details about our affair, I will say that we were hot for each other, but we also had a real friendship outside of the bedroom. He wrote songs about me that have never been recorded, and I bought him his first keyboard and drum machine. We also went on a few vacations together. I bought him a great deal of things, but I was a show off piece for him, and after a while, that didn’t make me feel good.
After spending many passionate nights together, we decided to go our separate ways and remained friends. After our affair, I began to reexamine my life, and came face to face with the truth about my marriage to Chicago Bull’s guard, Craig Hodges. I realized that although R. Kelly and I both caught feelings for one another, the real reason I had the affair was because I was emotionally disconnected from my husband, and I was running away from the pain of my marriage.
I was sick and tired of being hurt and neglected, and I wanted to experience something new. Having an affair with R. Kelly allowed me to break free from the emotional turmoil that I was experiencing in my marriage; it was, quite simply, an outlet to mask my pain. During my marriage to Craig, I had experienced many painful experiences, and my life was in shambles. I married for love, and believed whole-heartedly in ‘till death do us part,’ but I did not get that same commitment from my husband. Instead, I ended up feeling empty, abandoned and alone. Robert gave me what Craig didn’t, and at the time, I felt justified in my actions because of my husband’s infidelity and the lack of trust I felt in my relationship. Although I decided to stay in my marriage after my affair, I learned some important lessons that have helped me transform my life from the inside out.
1. Like many women who have affairs, I chose to have one with R. Kelly because I was lacking in my own relationship and wanted to escape. I felt empty inside; like something was missing. Many women have affairs to get what they feel is missing in their relationships, but I learned that affairs don’t make you feel more fulfilled. After the hot sex is over, you will still have to face your current reality and the issues you have in your relationship. No matter what you endure in your relationship, having an affair will stop you from dealing with your real issues, which can stop you from leaving your current spouse, or it can stop you from taking the steps to heal the relationship, if it’s salvageable.
2. One of the biggest a-ha moments I had after my affair with R. Kelly was realizing that I was sacrificing my own needs and happiness to stay in my marriage. I never put myself first because I wanted to make my husband happy and keep my family together. This is one of the biggest mistakes women make. They give up everything for their relationship to work, and lose who they are in the process. I learned not to sacrifice my own happiness in order to keep a relationship.
3. According to Everydayhealth.com, 55% of women cheat, and some of them cheat to boost their sagging self-esteem, or because they are unhappy in their relationships.
Although I felt good about myself most of the time, I was very unhappy in my marriage because I endured years of abuse and lies but I remained faithful to my husband and our
marriage because I was determined to stick by him and make it work. If I knew then what I know now, I would have made a different choice because cheating is never a good option, regardless of the situation. I learned that as women, we often let our emotions control us and when we are in pain, we do things that can jeopardize our health, wealth, and even our sanity. We unconsciously put ourselves in harm’s way when we run from our problems, and not dealing with our issues makes us targets for more abuse and more toxic relationships with men.
4. My affair with R. Kelly taught me that I was feeling broken and that I was looking for happiness outside of myself. Even though my affair gave me more excitement, and helped me escape a painful reality, I quickly learned that the grass is not always greener on the other side, and that being with another man could not heal my pain; only I could do that.
5. Many people succumb to the fantasy of being with someone else because they think that they will have hotter sex with a person outside of their relationship or feel that they will get treated better than they are being treated by their spouses, but this is not always the truth. ‘Affair sex’ is not always hot and the person on the side always has baggage of their own. No one is exempt from having personal issues, especially celebrities. I learned that all relationships- whether they are sexual, emotional, or both, have their share of problems.
6. The final lesson I learned was that having an affair isn’t a quick fix, and for many people, it causes more problems because someone always gets hurt in the end. It can also permanently destroy the trust in your relationship, and it can ruin your reputation. What happens in the dark usually comes to the light, so the consequences of having an affair isn’t worth the price.
Ex-celebrity basketball wife Carlita Hodges is the author of an empowering tell-all memoir, Carlita’s Way: Out of the Dark, Into the Light (My Journey). An in-demand author and speaker, Carlita has been interviewed by Nikki Woods, the senior producer of the Tom Joyner Morning Show, and was a guest on Café Mocha with MC Lyte, Loni Love, and Angelique Perrin, The Mother Love Show, Conversations Live, and many others.
For more information about Carlita Hodges, visit www.Carlita-Hodges.com, http://youtu.be/2kQqUehGyQ8, https://www.facebook.com/carlita.hodges, https://twitter.com/carlirena3, or http://instagram.com/carlitahodges
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