We have all watched, commentated and even prayed as basketball great and reluctant reality star Lamar Odom, husband of Khloe Kardashian, has literally clung on to dear life after an alleged drug addiction.
Now days later, not only is he on the long road to recovery, but recently it was also announced in the headlines that Khloe and he have agreed and filed papers to cancel their divorce and to work on their marriage. When I saw the report that Khloe agreed to take Lamar back, because he promised to swear off drugs and get clean, my heart sank. Not because I don’t believe that God, the power of love and redemption are bigger. It’s because I, too, experienced a very similar situation.
Years ago, I married a man that I loved and admired who, as it turned out, had an awful drug addiction. Instead of leaving and moving forward with my life, I supported him and gave him several times to get clean. I sacrificed my life, spending our savings to help him and into treatment. He later relapsed. After much painstaking counseling and self- reflection, I realized that the reason why it was difficult for me to move on was because I was trying to fill a void in my life caused by my drug addicted father. Basically, I had married my father. And it kept me from living the life I was destined to live.
During the process of trying to literally save my husband’s life, I lost myself and my voice. Ironically, I started my lifestyle and relationship blog in the early 2000’s, but while in the midst and after my marital ordeal, I stopped writing for years. I felt unqualified to give anyone advice when mine had clearly fallen apart. Little did I realize that it was the failure, struggle, recovery and lessons that I experienced that would actually propel me to the next level of my life. And while nobody wants to experience pain and disappointment, it’s often the price we must pay to be successful. Sometimes you’ve got to get it wrong before you get it right.
Eventually, I was able to move on from that relationship and reclaim my wings. How? One decision, one day, one step, one door at a time.
Here are 3 steps I took on the road to recovering from a loved one’s addiction and making myself a priority at the same time:
1. Locate your hole. We all have what I call “holes in our souls”, voids in our hearts and souls that were created by life’s challenges like absent parents, abuse, the death of a close friend or family member. These events can do some real damage and change the course of your life. When healing, it’s vital to get to the source of your hole and get ready to fight to fill it in a healthy way.
2. Once you locate the hole, then get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Work through it. It’s going to be uncomfortable. And accept that you can’t do it alone. You need a life line. Build a support system to help you get through the rough patches.
3. Accept that things will be different. You have to rebuild, be willing to grow through it and know that it’s different from the life we came from. We may mourn who we thought we were. But we must release whatever wasn’t working in that former life in order to live again in your new reality.
This story and experience is a part of how my FLY Life journey began again. Discover my full story as described in my bestselling book.
Now as it relates to Khloe and Lamar, all is still to be determined. And my hopes and prayers with them both as well as their families. But one thing is for sure, if Lamar is ever to get clean, it will require him to go deep, and deal with his own source of pain and insecurities that made it hard for him to cope with reality on life’s terms. And to Khloe, the same is true. Like many women, when we choose men who we feel the need to rescue, it’s often a reflection of unresolved pain in our own lives. Perhaps in trying to rescue someone else, it’s actually indicative of our own need to be saved.
The hard truth is that some of us are addicted to love and some of us are addicted to unhealthy relationships. It’s time to get addicted to healing thyself. When you recognize the signs of a bad move because you’ve been there and done that, use it as the grace you’re being given to stop, to yield to God’s direction, and to be restored.
Deya Decree: I will pick up the pieces of my life, and I will use them to help me build upon the purpose that I’ve been called to. No experience will go to waste.
Deya Direct, the Fly Life Diva, Go-to-Girlfriend Love & Life-Changer Coach, Speaker & Author produces media and messages that turn problems into purpose!
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