soft nigga photo

*This won’t take long.

I want to start off by addressing the men who don’t see a problem with doing the “nay nay” in public. I only have one thing to say to you pussies: STOP! I have tried to ignore the flamboyant touchdown celebrations in professional football (that applies to you too, Odell Beckham Jr.).

I have tried to make sense of Jaden Smith’s and ASAP Rocky’s fascination with women’s clothing. I am still coming to terms with the emerging presence of homosexuality in hip hop. I may never fully understand why skinny jeans are so popular among young black males (and some old).

And speaking of young black males, I know plenty of them who could write an entire book on the do’s and dont’s of fashion, but they wouldn’t know where to start if they had to replace a flat tire or repair a leaky faucet.

What ever happened to the days when black boys would spend Saturday afternoon roughhousing during a game of tackle football? Oh that’s right…the average teenager is too busy posing in front of the mirror (like a bitch), preparing to take another selfie.

Even as adults, black males have veered from the testosterone-fueled machismo of previous decades. These days, the world of salacious gossip isn’t dominated by women as it once was. There are just as many gossip artists of the male persuasion (ahem, Charlamagne Tha God) who delight in the pastime of “throwing shade” at other people and feeding into rumors. If I recall correctly, as a child, I would hear the women in my family exchange gossip while the men gathered in the living room to play cards or watch sporting events on TV. Now that I’m older and I occasionally spend time with other families, I’ve witnessed gossip sessions unfold between groups of finger-snapping, gum-popping, neck-rolling “queens” while their uncles, brothers and cousins pile into a different room to cheer on muscle-bound behemoths who “nay nay” every time they score a touchdown or sink a jump shot (very suspect).

Perhaps it all started when Ja Rule and 50 cent began singing love ballads in the early 2000’s, or maybe it happened the day Kevin Hart slipped into a dress for a comedy skit, making him the most recent addition to an extensive list of African American male entertainers who have emasculated themselves for others to laugh. I’m still struggling to pinpoint the exact moment when we decided that blonde hair and body-piercings (ahem, Chris Brown) were acceptable additions to a man’s appearance?

I pondered these questions one evening after watching the reunion episode of Love and Hip Hop Hollywood this season. “Why are these niggas [the male cast members of the show] behaving like schoolgirls,” I wondered aloud. Then it dawned on me. For years black males have been reared by single mothers or grandmothers, each saddled with the burden of performing dual parenting roles. Without the presence of a consistent father figure, these boys consequently stumble into manhood without being prepared. Others develop girlish tendencies that intensify as they progress in age (ahem, Kanye West).

Sisters, lower your weapons, I’m not holding you responsible for the castration of black males. It’s not your fault that after giving birth, the fathers of your children aren’t performing their parental duties. However, we can’t ignore the pink elephant in the room. If mastering the “nay nay” is more important to our black boys than learning how to put on a necktie or balance a checkbook, then what can we expect when it’s time for them to step up as men? Here’s a list to prove that black men have become toilet-paper soft.

1. Homosexuality 

drag queens photo

There are more gay black men sampling each other these days than ever before. That’s right, gay is now the new black. Contrary to stereotypical images, which peg LGBT people as disproportionately white, male, urban and wealthy, a new survey shows that the LGBT community is actually largely African American, reports the Huffington Post. This group includes the gentlemen dressed in cheer-leading outfits, two carrying “pom poms,” pictured above. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being gay (that’s furthest from how I feel). However, the lifestyle doesn’t scream “masculinity.” Back in the day, coming out of the closet was on par with committing social suicide. Looks like things have changed. Ladies, I hope you can handle a little “competition.”

2. Skinny Jeans, Women’s Clothing, and Loud, Outrageous Colors

lil wayne photo 6

I could be mistaken, but aren’t skin-tight jeans traditionally designed for women? And speaking of women’s clothing, should we expect to see future generations of our young men emulate Jaden Smith by wearing frilly skirts? In the 90’s, black men generally purchased their clothing two sizes too big. The baggy look was in. These days, if the clothing isn’t tight, it aint right. Ladies, you might wanna consider hiding your dresses…they might be next to go.

3. The “Nay Nay” and Other Flamboyant Dances

tumblr_lrud0coRjU1qhsw0o photo

There’s nothing more disturbing than watching a grown man, especially those who are larger in stature, make his body move as if he’s in a Beyonce video. I don’t have a problem with black men who enjoy cutting a rug every now and then. But there’s a difference between the electric side and the “nay nay.” Ladies, do you want your boyfriend to be a better “twerker’ than you are? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

4. Blonde Hair and Body Piercings

chris brown sisqo photo

Do I really have to explain this one? Unless your name is Elton John, no man on earth, especially if he’s black, should be comfortable with having blonde hair. I bet that before they broke up, Chris Brown would use up Rihanna’s hair dye. That’s why they got into it that night after the Grammy party. She had had enough of her hair care products disappearing from the bathroom. When she confronted him about it, the estrogen in Brown’s system caused him to explode (the rest is history). Ladies, if your man’s hair is more luxurious than your’s, he might be on the down low.

5. Selfies (the only photo a man should be capturing is of a woman’s ass while he’s hitting it from the back).

selfie photo

In reference to the photo above, I have one question: Why is that muscle-bound Negro gently clutching such a tiny animal? I have a problem with abnormally large men owning abnormally small dogs (that’s suspect). However, I’m irked even more by guys who spend every waking moment of their life taking selfies like the Kardashian sisters. Real men avoid photo opportunities because they have better things to do, like climb mountains barehanded, in the snow, without a rope. Hey fellas, instead of buying selfie sticks, spend your money on a rifle and go hunting some moose like your great, great grandfather used to. Be a man!

6. Spreading Gossip (and wearing makeup if you’re Charlamagne Tha God)

charlamagne photo 9

A long, long time ago, men would gather in the cigar room and shoot pool while their wives gabbed in the kitchen about the latest gossip news. These days, the tables appear to be turning and men are indulging in gossip and rumors. The world of social media is replete with male trolls (like Charlemagne Tha God) who enjoy sipping the proverbial gossip tea. Hey fellas, do yourselves a favor and leave the mud-slinging to Wendy Williams. It’s simple: women gossip, men are supposed to ignore the chatter.

7. Too emotional

bitch nigga crying photo

I have three words for the image above: BITCH-ASS-NIGGA. If I recall, this photo was taken during the Whitney Houston tribute at the BET awards a few years back. Perhaps I’m being overcritical, but doesn’t it seem odd that Soldier Boy (emphasis on ‘boy’) was crying his eyes out over a woman he barely knew? And don’t get my started on the placement of his jewel-covered hands. (What a bitch). Like this goon, black men can’t keep their emotions in check. That’s why so many of them assault and kill one another (it’s because they react to conflict with the same level of emotional instability as their mothers). Real men aren’t swayed by emotion. But I suppose that’s asking for too much these days.

8. Unemployment (can’t provide like a ‘real man’ should) 

man-with-empty-pockets photo

Men are natural providers (it says so in any Anthropology or Sociology book ever published). So why are there so many black men dependent on their women for survival? I’m not oblivious to America’s unemployment issue, but that doesn’t excuse adult males from hustling to create income. If you ask me, a man who relies on the charity of his woman really isn’t a man at all. Hey fellas, get off the couch, find a job and reclaim your manhood. Otherwise, you won’t ever be allowed to wear the pants in your relationship, you’ll be wearing the panties. Then again, some of ya’ll probably like that idea…(smh).

 

cory haywood

The Black Hat is written by  Southern California based  Cory A. Haywood, a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his blogs: www.coryhaywood.webs.com and corythewriter.blogspot.com, or send him a message on Twitter: @coryahaywood