Tuesday, March 19, 2024

EUR Review/’Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales’ Ebbs and ‘Baywatch’ Coasts

Kaya Scodelario, Johnny Depp, and Brenton Thwaites in ‘Pirates’ scene.

*The first time I rode the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland, I thought I had died and gone to Pirates Heaven. Years later I rode the ride at Disney World.

And each time visiting Disney World after that I hoped I would experience the  excitement I had the first time. It’s like that with each “Pirates” movie.

The thrill is gone with “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Lies,” directed by Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg.  Capt. Jack Sparrow’s (Johnny Depp) drunken antics are no longer funny.

The film, directed by Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg, does have new blood in the form of Kaya Scodelario  (Carina) and Brenton Thwaites  (Henry). They are part of the eerie excitement that is the film’s best attraction. Sparrow and the newbies are pursued by Barbosa (Geoffrey Rush), and an army of ghoulish, walking dead led by Capt. Salazar (Javier Bardem).

Henry has a personal agenda—to save his dad (Orlando Bloom) trapped as the captain of the submerged Flying Dutchman—but Henry needs to find the Trident of Poseidon in order to do that. In spite of the drawbacks, this is a Caribbean trip worth taking.

Baywatch

Baywatch,” on the other hand is not worth a grain of sand. Based on the popular TV series, the movie “Baywatch” does not stray far from the original’s landscape and vanilla flavor. Also, there is the frat boy’s boorish humor, a dead man’s penis examined by Zac Efron, a pudgy nerd that is part of the team we’re supposed to love  and a bad script with no imagination.

(L-R) Jon Bass,  Alexandria Daddario, Zac Efron, Dwayne Johnson, Kelly Rohrbach, and Ilfenesh Hadera in ‘Baywatch.’

“Baywatch,” directed by Seth Gordon, did get off on a good foot before it sank. The opening scene was of Dwayne Johnson strutting to The Notorious B.I.G.’s “Hypnotize” tract. So we were all pumped and ready for a smooth sailing. But it got bumpier with each ill scene, including the all too familiar drug dealing storyline.

Best bets are “Everything, Everything,” and “King Arthur: Legend of the Sword” reviewed here earlier this month.

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