I’m not much of a reality television watcher for so many reasons that I’ll save for another article (if I can muster up enough energy to write it). However, I wanted to support my girl Melyssa Ford in her Blood, Sweat & Heels reality series. That makes watching this also tough, because my interactions with Melyssa don’t line up with what I see on the show. But hence my lack of desire to consume these shows.
On to my real reason for writing. . .YOU. How did I get from Blood, Sweat and Heels to you? Well I’m glad you asked. As I was watching the episode of Blood, Sweat & Heels: Papa, Can You Hear Me? and watching Mica Hughes talk about wanting her father to apologize or explain why he treated her the way he did when she was growing. Per Mica he was abusive to her and her mother.
After hearing of her father’s pancreatic cancer diagnosis and his refusal of treatment (which meant he could be dead in 72 hours), she was pondering whether or not she should go to her father for support or stay away because he’d shown no interest all these years. She seemed to long for validation that she’s worthy of love. Not knowing her personally and having only the show to base any conclusion on, I would venture to say that Mica’s emotional issues stem primarily from her need to feel like she is truly wanted by her father.
My father left when I was five. He had schizophrenia and felt that we would have an easier life without him. For that I loved him, even though I felt sad that he had to go it alone. However, I never wondered if I was worthy of his love. My mother did an amazing job at subsidizing, as did my uncles and family friends. There was no shortage of love.
I say that to say, I can’t relate to Mica’s experience personally. And, I would still like to offer up a few thoughts on women feeling unworthy due to abandonment. Here are my thoughts on feeling unworthy or unloved:
1. Stop it! Easier said that done. I know, but the reality is that you are loved. I’m sure if you take a moment to think about it, you can name at least one person who loves you.
2. Look at it. And by it I mean the list of qualities you enjoy about yourself and the list of positive things that people say about you. I don’t care if it’s as simple as you have a nice smile or as complicated as you offer great analysis to hard situations. You have qualities that are lovable, even if your parent or another family member didn’t take time to see it.
3. Change it. If you’ve been behaving badly in some areas due to the feelings of your lack of love and validation, change those behaviors. Instead write down your feelings or tell someone you trust or tell a therapist. Don’t lose the people who love you because of the people who decided not to.
4. Recognize it. Recognize that people who decided or didn’t know how to love you or show you love, couldn’t. The reasons could be anything and you may never know. It could range from you reminding them of mistakes they’ve made in the past or scared to mess it all up. The list is endless and people’s emotions can be complicated. Whatever their reason for not loving you, it is NOT an indicator of your worthiness to be loved.
5. Kill it! If you woke up this morning and I’m pretty positive that you did since you’re reading this, you have an opportunity to continue to bless the world with your gifts, love and passion. Show us the best of you. Choose love every time.
I’m just crazy enough to believe that each of us is born with a purpose and a worthiness to be loved. In your most authentic being, you are necessary. You are the world’s most wanted. We’re looking for you. The world wants the best of you.
Monica Cost is a Pathfinder, Author, TV Show Host & Brand Strategist. She is the Author of the new life changing book on living an authentic life called, “The Things I Used to do to Sneeze!: How to live an authentic life with awesome emotional sensations” (found at www.monicacost.com) Email her at: feedback@MonicaCost.com. Follow her via Twitter: @monicacost and Facebook.com/monicahairstoncost. www.monicacost.com. See Kenny Lattimore and model, Melyssa Ford at www.monicacost.com. Live true!