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Name: McNasty

Comment: This letter sounds suspiciously like GHank. BBM? I can see where this brother is coming from because it does appear that the measure of a man now is his wallet and material possessions. Good men don't always make big bucks neither do the thugs which are the much preferred type - go figure! It's a shame that this brother sounds like he's got something on his mind, he's got a plan and you gotta give him credit for putting part of his life on hold to help his mother care for his ailing father. Brother don't give up - patience in the end will pay off for you.

Name: Raypeazy

Comment: I believe that AC missed the brothas point on this one. He did state that he has taken a look at himself and taken the steps to improve. The bottom line is that he has tried to meet a "decent" black woman and things have not worked out for him. Should he be bitter? Hell yes, IMO! "Nice guys finish last" really seems to fit here. I grew up in DC/MD/Va and lived and dated there all my life until joining the military almost 20 yrs ago. From my experieces growing up and from what I see whenever I visit "home"...nothing has changed. You just cannot be too nice of a guy! The sistas say that is what they want until they get it! Too often, the nice brotha that treats a black woman "like he would want his momma or sis treated" is seen as soft or a lollipop and gets used and abused before he gets dropped like he's hot. That brotha should be bitter and has every right to be. I say do what you gotta do to be happy bro...even if that means hooking up with Suzy from across the railroad tracks. AC you were dead wrong on this one! My $.02

Name: jazzfan

Comment: >Raypeazy: I agree. A lot of sisters say that they want a thuggish man or a roughneck and then complain when they get dogged, but on the other hand they consider the well-spoken brother who opens doors for them and brings flowers on a date "soft". Look how many women have several kids by nigg*s that don't amount to $#!+ when it comes to being a daddy and THEN they want the good brother to step in and provide a stable environment (and insurance and benefits) for Ray-Ray's kids.

Name: Raypeazy

Comment: jazz: Exactly what I am talking about! Now I am not saying to give up on sistas, by any means. But! that "nice brotha has to operate and conduct his relationship with a firm hand. Meaning, treat that woman right and with respect but, at the same time, let her know that you have lines drawn in the sand; if they are crossed that a## will get read and can/will be replaced...with the quickness. Not to overgeneralize but a lot of sistas can respect that.

Name: queeniebunz

Comment: >Ray/Jazz - Y'all are SO off the mark on this one. I am a female in the Md/DC area and I have been here almost all my life and what you fellas miss and what many men miss is that women like, no LOVE men with confidence. Confidence is sexy. I suspect dude slumps up to a female and puts his "rap" down on her and that it's corny and that his demeanor says, "you're gonna reject me" so the woman rejects him. A CONFIDENT brother who is sure of himself and doesn't care what anybody thinks will get the woman no matter what he has in his wallet. That is how some of these scalliwag negroes get over. They are confident in their triflin' shiftless selves. And, AC was right - bitterness repels both sexes like Raid repels roaches. Sure what this guy is doing is admirable - it is. BUT the thing about it is that when a woman thinks about the logistics of dating him or of a possible future with him, she has to factor in that he lives at home so there won't be any overnighters unless he comes to her home and that if he did marry her, he'd still be paying 1/2 of his folks' mortgage. Those are real concerns in the dating world. I just speak the truth. If I was dating and I wasn't already with a guy with his own home/car/money (yeah! I'm bragging!) I would probably put him in what I call "Friendland" and he would dwell there forever in my life because I want someone with what I have - my own home/car/money. The most important thing is that this dude needs to drop the bitterness. Go ahead and blast me but I'm being honest...

Name: Exmun

Comment: I think Advice Chick's off the cuff attack on this Black man literally proves (to him) his point about Black women. Full disclosure, I'm married to a wonderful Black women, so I've got love for sisters. But the way how AC just jumped on that man for expressing his reality suggests the type of vitriol that he's probably experienced from like-minded Black women. Not all Black women are as this brotha's experience suggests, but if Advice Chick's response to him is ANYway similar to how other women treat this man, then I think he's got a valid point. My only suggestion to this man would be for him to press on. Improve and fall in love with himself and when the time is right, the right woman (Black or otherwise) will be there to receive what he has to offer. Advice Chick, you're dead wrong on this one.

Name: GoldenLady

Comment: Exmun, I agree. AC, you're dead wrong and way off the mark. What was the point in 'advising' him that he is bitter and needs to get over it when he clearly said that himself? Seems to me like this man does lack confidence, but know exactly what his issues are. He's completely honest w/ himself and the women he encounters. It is closed-minded for a woman to want a man w/ own car/house/money when clearly his circumstances don't allow for that. If a black woman wants a man to treat him like he's treating his mama what more could this man be doing tp show how much he would give a woman by the way he's dealing w/ his mama in this given situation? Maybe it's all about timing. Timing is everything. With the situation w/ his parents and his work on a masters, he may not have time for a healthy relationship. God may know this when this man doesn't. Also, too much emphasis is placed on race. God is not partial. It is a blessing blocker IMO to only want to date one race of people b/c we are all God's children. The perfect person may come in an unexpected package, one of a different shape, size or even color. When the time is right, God will send this man a woman that will help him to be ever more confident in the man that he is and she will be what he wants and needs and vice versa...regardless of color.

Name: coesmo

Comment: Usually I agree with Advice Chick's brutal advice but I think she was a little harsh with this guy....

Name: Raypeazy

Comment: queenie: I feel you but here is where the blasting comes in. I didn't get that the brotha was bitter...not at all. I perceived that he was just gettin' disappointed...time and time again. Confidence is one thing but I do believe that if he was to meet a "quality" sista he wouldn't need a rap. Just carry on a convo about goals, dreams and aspirations...be himself. Inevitably his salary will grow over time and a woman that is down to be with a "good" man would realize that and support him and what he is doing for his fam. They could also eventually get their own place to do the 50/50 thing. I bet the women he has met are just looking at the "what can you do for me" factor and feel that since his funds are divided elsewhere that is less money he can lavish them with. Meanwhile, Craig an em' got her nose wide open with expensive gifts and fancy meals but the real deal is that credit card is probably maxed out and the gravy train is almost at the station. TOO many sistas bet on the wrong horse all the time, end up with 2 or 3 baby daddies and start hatin' on the brothas for being no good when they knew (in the back of their mind/deep in their hearts) that lil' Daquan Jr and Lexus' sperm donors were not "life partner" material from the jump! They just wanted to hit and quit. Opportunity probably knocked 3 or 4 times in the form of "good brotha" and they failed to answer the door...cause' he helping his Moms?!! C'mon queen you know that ain't right!!

Name: McNasty

Comment: Raypeazy I'm with you on that one, I didn't get where he was bitter either. He stated his case plainly and wholely and I agree AC you bit where you should have licked.

Name: DCGG

Comment: Uh to all the folks talking about AC advice was wrong - uhm folks this is an entertainment column if we came here everyday and AC was all happy go lucky, finding light and shyt at the end of every damn rainbow it would no longer be entertaining. AC's advice is just that....besides I found her advice right on - Queenbyz hit the nail on the head - dude sounds like he lacks confidence period but instead of seriously checking self - blame it on the sisters...

Name: queeniebunz

Comment: Ray - I don't disagree with you about any of it. Many women DO fall for the confidence and don't see that it is a front/facade and not real. And, many women only see what they want to see and many women are into the "what will you do for me" thing, BUT I know of too many brothers who move in with a female because they don't have their own and many brothers who waste all their money out in the streets profiling or on chissup for their 3-5 babies by different women and who fully expect a female to take care of them because they buy into the whole 9:1 or 7:1 ration of black women to black men. So, when a woman encounters a dude like this, I can't speak for others but I know for me a dude's stock goes down - no it plummets - when I find out he lives at home w/the parents and doesn't have his own space. And don't let a negro be 30+ in the DC area and not have his own vehicle - I got to cart this negro around or drop him at the bus stop or metro or drive over to his mama's house and pick him up and bring him to my home when I want to see him ??? Ain't gonna happen EVER. Ain't no d*ck/personality/confidence/looks in the world gonna have me doing that. He could have Jay-Z's confidence, look like Idris Elba, have Don Cheadle's sensitivity, be as funny as Dave Chappelle and I would still leave his azz right at the Metro stop where I found him and I wouldn't help him get a fare card! Nah. I think of guys like this dude as "Failure to Launch" men and I run from that.

Name: GoldenLady

Comment: This is not 'failure to lauch'. The man has a sick parent and another parent not able to care for the situation alone. The man never said he didn't have a car. B/c he's paying half the mortgage at his parents' he could be stacking mad paper. He works in a law firm and is ex-military. This man is not passing the buck either. He clearly spoke on his issues. This a fully aware man that is taking the initiative to improve himself. He's probably encountering women w/ the same selfish attitude on this message board.

Name: JamerDelta

Comment: I'm in the relationship market as well. I am a black woman looking for a black man, what the problem is with this emailer I think, is that he believes that being 'nice' is enough. No matter what your circumstances are, if I see you as a man with vision, thoughtful, caring, kind, confident, and with a plan, and there is something I find attractive about you, then your circumstances don't matter because they can change. But, if you are just nice, with no ambition, vision etc. sorry. It just seems he's blaming the wrong people. Stop being bitter, always strive to be better and you'll start attracting the right people.

Name: jazzfan

Comment: Dude, I'm going to come strong on this one like AC does, but from the opposite direction. First, confidence trumps physical appearance, and if you don't believe me, next time you see an average looking dude with a fine chick, ask yourself what it is about him. He didn't get the girl and then become self-assured, it was vice-versa. Man to man, you sound like you're heading in the right direction - gainfully employed, working on your masters and have your priorities - taking care of your family - in the right order. Just be yourself around women, and if you try to talk to one who isn't feeling you because you're living with your parents walk away with your head up knowing that SHE'S the one who's missing out. Finally, and trust me on this one, no woman is "out of your league". There are plenty of women who complain that because of their physical package they intimidate a lot of men. Don't be one of them! My invoice is in the mail ;o)

Name: LawdHvMrcy

Comment: Here's my $.02. Ghank is indeed a nice guy, and I've had the opportunity to meet him personally. I've also had the opportunity to dialogue with him about his dating situation. For the most part, I think that he is projecting all of the negative experiences he's had with women on every subsequent woman he meets. The unfortunate thing is his experience with black women are few and far in between, so I often struggle with why he puts ALL black women in that bucket, but I digress... Women can sense that insecurity and negative attitude right off the bat, so we go running in the other direction. Or worse yet,--women respond to him with advice, which only adds fuel to his argument that black women are shepherds for the devil... FELLAS THAT HAVE DISAGREED WITH ADVICE CHICK: Let me ask you this-- if you met a woman who dominates the conversation by dogging out every man that she has dealt with, complaining that black men aint shyt because of those experiences, and is constantly being self deprecating (i.e. I know I'm ugly, fat, broke, undersexed, etc)--seriously, would you throw up your PEACE sign and keep it moving OR would you be willing to serve as martyr and prove her wrong?!?!?! TRUST ME, I am very proud of Ghank for realizing that he may need to focus on himself before he re-enters the market to search for a mate. Some of that soul-searching may help him realize that maybe--just maybe-- the entire population of black women aren't out to make his dating life holy heyall. Maybe the REAL problem lies within HIM and his own insecurities that he is harboring... That is my $.02! *holding out my hand for my $.98 in change!* lol

Name: Priceless

Comment: Ghank, you need to stop *snicker*

Name: Priceless

Comment: raypeezy & jazzfan, I am a woman living in the DC area and not many of us are truly looking for no dayum thug *sucking teeth* puleeze! I hope you are referring to some 19-24 yr olds cuz mature women who are serious about settling down are not looking for thugs .. we typically aren't interested in basement dwellers though

Name: mayday

Comment: If the folks on the board knew Ghank (and this is a post from him because they are all the same) then you would recognize that Advice Chick is dead on target with her advice this week.

Name: WillSap

Comment: I didn't get the Bitter Part do...but I can understand where he's comin' from...Its hard out here for BruVas Sometimes...Because women Want exactly what they don't want...Spendin' too much time fallin' into their relationships, and holdin a blind a to someone who is genuine...

Name: Raypeazy

Comment: Priceless: Trust, I was not referring to all DC area women...but quite a few and maybe even a majority in this day and age. Lawd: If I met a man-hating woman with all the issues you describe...I would enjoy the conversation and hear what she has to say...no problem there. 9 times out of ten I am willing to bet that I would find she has some contributing factors to the abuse she received in the past. THEN, I would throw up the peace sign and roll out!! I got me a wifey! haha There's your $.95 in change and I will keep the nickel. LOL

Name: jazzfan

Comment: >Priceless: There are extenuating circumstances in this case. The man is working, going to school and helping his parents, not a typical "basement dweller". But probably a lot of women, once they ask "do you have your own place" and he says "no, but..." probably don't even here the rest. And what they might be missing, and I can't say for sure, because I don't know the writer, is a decent, hard-working man who is pursuing his education, loves his family and didn't mention paying child support for any crumbsnatchers. But y'al' will just laugh at him "Girl pleaze, that nigg* still living with his mama". And a lot of these women who won't give him the time of day now will be trying to put it on him and break up his marriage 10 years from now, telling him 'it ain't no good men out here'.

Name: LawdHvMrcy

Comment: LMAO @ Raypeazy! Well, if 9 times out of 10 you are willing to bet that you would find that the WOMAN has some contributing factors to the abuse she received in the past-- WHAT IS SO DIFFERENT ABOUT GHANK'S SITUATION? I took the SAME characteristics that Ghank has displayed in my description. The only thing I changed was the GENDER of the bitter person. Thanks for helping me prove my point... *snatching my nickel and running out of the room* lol

Name: ImJustAsking

Comment: Priceless< I'm 24 so can you take me out of the "looking for a thug group" lmao. Anyway, I agree with queenie. In the dating world GHank or, I mean, whomever was the advice-seeker, is at a disadvantage by not having a lifestyle that is conducive to dating or building a future. It's not fair but... Also, for someone to say they always have bad experiences with the opposite sex or even the same sex is just beyond me. I would suggest that maybe this guy should talk to some of his female friends and see what they have to say about what he may be doing or saying wrong on these dates. Plus, you shouldn't get your hopes up so high everytime you go out on a date. Sometimes a date is just a date. I mean how many women are we talking about here? 10? 20? I mean if you're over 30, that's not a huge percentage of people to make a judgement off of.

Name: queeniebunz

Comment: I'm gonna give y'all the flip side of this guy. A few years ago, I moved back to DC from Atlanta and moved in w/my dad for a year to save up for a condo. When I first moved back, I was chillin' because I was still living off my teacher salary. I would tell men gleefully that I had no job and lived w/my dad (in my late 20s at the time) and they were like, "no problem, I'll pay your bills" or "you can stay with me if you need to" and mess like that. I didn't ask them for either. They VOLUNTEERED it. My point here is this - men cry and moan about women being golddiggers - there are now 2 hit songs entitled "Golddigger" and counting. BUT men ASK to be "dug" by making comments like what I was told. The men meant it. They weren't bs-ing me. I ain't all that but I ain't ugly either. They were willing to support me. I told them they should stop saying stuff like that or they're going to get taken advantage of by someone and continued to live happily with my pops as a "deadbeat kid" as I called it until I bought my condo. It goes both ways. Some men promise all of that up front and then wonder why some women expect it. Y'all need to check yourselves sometimes...

Name: musbdherbs

Comment: <Ghank> Aiight bruh man, I NEVER post on this BUT I've noticed that this relationship thing truly bothers u. W/that, here's my take MAN 2 MAN! I do not think you're bitter at the least. That's not something that I gathered in ur posts. Male/female relationships are always a dicey topic. It's more than admirable that you made a decision to help your parents. That's something that should be applauded. It's great that you are doing things to make your life better. What I think that could be the part of the problem is that you go into these "relationships" w/negative expectations. That is, you expect each potential "date" to react in the same way as others have. Much like women who have had a bad relationship w/a man tend to do the same. They "lump" all men into the same category. From reading your posts on the board you sound extremely sad/disappointed/frustrated/INSECURE. Although, you seemingly have every reason to be, you can not allow those emotions to control you--instead YOU control IT! It is possible that you are "looking" for justification to date outside of your race and therein lies another struggle. None of us here can tell you "who" you should fall in love w/. Maybe what you should do is focus on "loving" you as much as u are in love w/the idea of being in a relationship. It's nothing wrong w/being lonely because we've all been that at some point. But, you have to convince urself that you're not in an "impossible" position. You're gainfully employed, seemingly educated and now is the time to "get your head right." Don't think that just because u date outside ur race, that women are going to be "less of a handful" because there's always going to be the "one" who make u wanna knock a bytch in her mouth. That's true irrespective of race. But, realize that u da shyt regardless. That's where that confidence comes in. If women can't deal w/what u bring to the table then move on to the next one but DO NOT judge the next woman by the last. Realize who you are, what ur contributions are and act on that. For all of these women who have issues w/ur living situation...FK THEM. I know it sounds harsh but maybe if you apply that attitude to ur dealings it will help you along (even if only a little). I don't like to date women who have kids and I'll be damned if I hadn't had a rack of 'em talk about how I was "this" and "that" because of it. But, let me live at home w/my mom for WHATEVER reason and it ain't nothing I'll be able to tell them or their girlfriends cuz I'll just be trifling...blah..blah..blah. Just because a woman says it, don't make it so cuz they'll have u thinking that you're the scum of the earth if you allow it. Ending it here: Whatever "good" qualities u do bring are possibly trumped by ANY insecurity or negative expectation that you exude. Remember this, "Bag lady, u go miss ur bus/you can't hurry up cause u got to much stuff/when they see you coming, [bytches] take off runnin/from you, it's true, oh yes they do.

Name: ImJustAsking

Comment: Queenie< don't forget that a lot of men are very intimidated by a woman that doesn't need them financially. I'm not talking about when a woman flaunts her independence, cause that’s tacky. I'm talking about when a woman simply does her own thing. I've had guys go wacky when they see my car or they'll make comments half joking but half serious like "I know I'm not on your level....but..." They count THEMSELVES out before you can even say anything. Oh yeah, if you would like to get together with the DC folk on the board, just send me your e-mail address at goldenandgorgeous@yahoo.com.

Name: LawdHvMrcy

Comment: MUSB-- You have just stated what I have been telling Ghank for a while. He may not know that he's doing it, but he can often EXUDE negativity and for some women that may be a turnoff. And, because he is repelling women, he may be missing out on his true blessing. The materialistic things he has or does not have isn't the point. You can drive a 745 BMW today, but unless you have the TITLE of that 745 BMW you could be one paycheck from it being repo'd. Same with homeownership. If you are still paying a mortgage and don't outright OWN it, that shyt could be in foreclosure tomorrow. A real woman would recognize that and not equate a worthy brother to the car/house/furniture/suits/bling/etc. and other material stuff he owns.

Name: Raypeazy

Comment: Lawd: You must be a lawyer or something! Can I get that $.05 piece back...gas prices and all? LOL I'ma end my take on this man right now. IMO, Dude has had some bad experiences and now he is losing hope. Seems like unfortunately for him the scenario ends the same...outside with his shoes in his hands trying to find his car keys and wondering why he didn't get a chance to bat. LOL I don't think he is bitter though just disappointed. Don't think he is projecting negativity either. He could be just being honest if he is questioned about the amount of dating he has done and why. My advice is work on yourself and get your thing going. When you are not looking that's when they find YOU. Like jazzfan said a few years from now women will be coming after him like he was Pdiddy or Flavor Flav. Then he can pick and chose who to be nice to and who not to be nice to.

Name: Dirtydiana55

Comment: It seems to me that the advice-seeker is just as bad as the women who reject him. "why should I settle?" he asks. If he wants someone to look BEYOND the obvious and not feel they are settling, HE should do the same. Perhaps the woman for him is not Beyonce-, Alicia-, or Tyra-gorgeous. She may not have a figure 8 body, but she can balance a checkbook, change a tire, cook a home-cooked meal (make rice from scratch-not Minute Rice), and knows the difference between a touchdown and a field goal. I was told God doesn't give you everything every time. Meaning if you have brains, you may not have looks or something and vice versa. That's why you see SOME women who have big butts and small breasts and vice versa. There are other examples, that's just one of them. Perhaps, he feels a woman SHOULD settle for him because of what he has to offer . . .although if he's telling the truth ... I don't see "settling", I see a great catch! If he's truthful, WE can build a house with enough room for his parents AND our family. There's no "I" in TEAM. My suggestion to him is stop looking!!! Let her come to him. When she does, don't put all your cards out for her to see. Let her EARN the right to see them--she'll respect him more. Just my 2 cents--that's all I'm giving; keeping my 98 cents myself.

Name: Priceless

Comment: musb, glad to know you will knock a bish in da mouf *snicker* I can't believe you said that

Name: queeniebunz

Comment: Musb - I totally agree. Good post - this man needs some confidence and to lose the bags...

Name: QueenCityBee

Comment: GHank you are Black by popular demand. Don't go to the other side. Seriously tho it's called trials & tribulations we all go thru them. Keep looking towards the East!

Name: Closet_Nerd_Girl

Comment: GHank, I sense weariness and desperation in that letter. Just like it's a turn-off for men, it's a turn-off for women too. I know it sounds cliche', but instead of spending so much energy looking for love, do things for yourself that make YOU happy. Then love will find you. (I know this to be true from personal experience.) If you are truly happy WITH yourself, BY yourself, it shows. And guess what? You will attract happy, positive, self-assured women automatically. Good luck brother.

Name: Closet_Nerd_Girl

Comment: >Dirtydiana- LOL! I've been into sports since grade school. Football is my favorite. To this day I believe that my knowledge of sports (OK, and maybe the size of my butt..) is the "something extra" that impressed my husband when we were still dating. ;-)

Name: ShadowKnows

Comment: I don’t get that the letter writer is bitter, but clearly he is discouraged nad seemingly a little desperate. From a female perspective, I have to say there are a few red flags that stand out. 1) As many of you said, there is a lack of confidence here. Whether the writer thinks he lacks confidence or not, the message is being conveyed. Being too nice isn’t the problem. The problem is that he comes across as being weak – no woman wants that. You can demonstrate the best manners and be respectful without being viewed as weak or soft. 2) Like it or not, a 40 year old living with his parents is a problem. So he spent 20 years in the military. The presumption is that he left his mama’s house, spent 20 years doing whatever the military told him, then moved back to his mama’s house. If I was a potential date, I would want to know has he ever been independent? Has he ever done things on his own? Has he ventured out and spread his wings, taken risks along the way to do what he wants? Or does he always need someone around to tell him what he needs to do? I know he moved home to take care of his aging parents, but the question begs, who is running things? Is he still the little mama’s boy who does whatever she says? 3) Speaking of his mama, is she still cooking for him, cleaning for him, doing his laundry, treating him like a kid? Does she pack his lunch for him and iron his clothes? The answer may be “no” but the questions have to be asked. Also, given that Dad is critically ill, MamasBoy now becomes Mom’s companion. Not in a sick, twisted way, but in the way that he is the male in the house who will take her to the movies and to dinner and to bingo night. Given all that, his full time job, and his work on his advanced degree, is there any room for a girlfriend? 4) Money isn’t everything, but if homeboy had a more independent life (like a wife and kids) he wouldn’t be able to live with Mom. If Mom needed financial help, he would write a check. He would pay half of her mortgage as well as for the care of a home health aide, and still manage to have a life outside of his parents. I don’t mean to sound cruel, but that’s the way it would be if he was already attached.

Name: ShadowKnows

Comment: Wait, I have more to say...(LOL!) 5) This part of his letter disturbed me: “I am taking courses to obtain my masters degree to maybe increase my salary since most black women base a good man by the size of his wallet (at least that's what they tell me).” Wait – why are you pursuing a Master’s degree? As an advanced degree holder, I can tell you first hand. You do that for yourself and your future…not to find a date or a marriage partner. Furthermore, I would say, are you really pursuing it or are you taking a course here and there? If you’re committed to a master’s degree, do the damn thing. But do it for you, not anyone else. 6) Finally, the race of the woman you pursue isn’t nearly as important as finding the right match. But be careful about “settling” for someone of a different race. If you want a sistah, then stick with what you want. But lose the self-defeating approach and stand tall. And while you’re standing tall, find a way to show some independence and %*$ertiveness. From what I understand about the DC/VA/MD area, there are a lot of women who are successful and upwardly mobile. They want someone who is strong, confident and taking charge of his life. I live in the NYC area and I want the same thing. Fortunately, I found a black man who has a similar educational level, success level and outlook on life as I have. But he imported me from another state. That’s another story….

Name: dawnjamarown

Comment: From what he said I discern that its the type of black woman that he is going for. I'm sure he's going for the strickingly beautiful, tall, slim, long hair (or weave) type. Not the average every day sister out here waiting on a strong, black man to step to her. He's looking at the ones who think they are so perfect that they are gold diggers. Not the one who would love, honor, and appreciate him. I bet you there is a sistah at his workplace, his church, or somewhere in his life that he hasn't noticed. But I bet you she has noticed him and is praying that one day he would feel the same. I would know, I'm a single black woman. I do have standards. My first question is "how is your relationship with Christ, please explain" Not can you pay my bills. This guy needs to look within.

Name: MzTee

Comment: LawdHVMercy and MUSB...y'all are dead on point. I wrote GHANK practically the same thing in a different post. I don't think old boy is bitter; however, he is extremely frustrated and is projecting that negativity into the universe, which as others have written is repelling that he so desperately wants to attract. I always tell any man I date...judge me based on my actions towards you and my interations with you. Simply meaning, judge me based on me NOT based on past dealings with other individuals. FYI...I also offered to correspond with GHANK. Did he respond? No, he didn't. Hell, several of my friends and I would love a brother who has all of the qualities GHANK wrote he possesses. I think AC was pretty dead-on in her advice except the bitterness which I didn't detect.

Name: GHank

Comment: Well first of all, I want to take this time and say thank you to all of your comments. I pretty much knew how most of you would comment about this. I have talked to many other people about this through my recent travels and I had already made up my mind as far as what I was going to do before I posted the letter. Your comments pretty much validated why I need to explore other races of women as well as AA women. So again, thanks for your input. It was very helpful.

Name: ShadowKnows

Comment: It seems like a fair number of you have had conversations with this poster about this exact issue. Maybe he's not looking for advice. Could it be that he's looking for attention? I mean, dang....

Name: TJthemilitant

Comment: GHank, don't you give up on the Sista's!..there is someone out there for er'body..Where da he11 are you looking?..What about all those groupies your band attracts?..Or are they all white chicks too?...Truthfully, I think you want someone to tell you it's okay to go get you a "Becky", because that may be what you really want..if so more power to ya, but don't azzume you need to increase your earnings to pull a Sista, you know yourself that sh*t ain't the truth...Besides, if I lived at home with the "Raise", my increased earnings would go towards getting my own damn place, not to pull a potential mate!...It does and will get better!

Name: GHank

Comment: {ShadowKnows} What you would call attention, I call being informed. Yes, this is a serious issue for me and I treat it as such. Yes, I have asked a whole lot of people over the course of several months, so yes, to some of you, it looks as if I am rehashing the same ol issue. But I have gotten all the responses that need. Think about it, when was the last time you have 40 some-odd posters on the advice board? So yes, there are plenty of people thnat are interested in this subject. If people were not interested, they wouldn't waste their time posting. I'm sure you have better things to do with your time.

Name: sweetheart

Comment: Everyone is putting their two cents in today so I will toss in two more so that at the end of the day it will add up to $1.GHANK it is normal to be disappointed.; however, your disappointment is equivalent to being unhappy. It is ok to be unhappy at times, but when it is the essence of who you are, it drains and repels people because they always have to pick you up and encourage you. I recommend that you use your faith in God to become a light. People are always attracted to the light. As you become a happier person, you will attract positive people in your life that will support you and believe in you. When the time is right, you will find a woman that will believe that you can go from living at home to owning one. A woman that knows that older men often make great parents. A woman that knows that God put the union together because the internet, single ministries, blind dates, etc… never worked. With almost 7 billion people on the planet, you can easily believe that one is for you. You can strike out a million times, you only need one home run. Stay positive and when you least expect it God will bless you.

Name: ShadowKnows

Comment: GHank, I'm glad you got what you needed. And if you want to date that white girl, just date her. You don't need anyone's permission or validation. Please don't disprespect yourself or her by saying that you're only dating her because you can't find a sistah. And don't disrespect sisters by saying we're all gold-diggers and expect a man to have a lot of money. The most important thing is to find peace within yourself. Forty dedicated posts on a message board is great. Btu do people have to say the same thing 40 times before you'll hear it? Just date the white girl who's after you and enjoy it.

Name: GHank

Comment: {ShadowKnows} The only thing I will say to that is that you equate "exploring my horizons" to only white women. This is the exact thing that I am talking about. People don't read. I said "date outside my race". White women are not the only women outside the race. As I told someone earlier, you don't have to feel like you have to speak for the whole black woman race. If you are not the type of woman that I describe or fit the profile, then I am not talking about you. But I'll bet that you do know of women that I speak of.

Name: ShadowKnows

Comment: GHank, fair enough. My point to you is - date whoever you want, regardless of race. Just do what you want to do because that's what you want to do...not because black women are gold-diggers or whatever. Yes, some black women are looking for a financialsponsor, just like some black men are looking for a financial sponsor. Clearly, that's not the world you live in, so there's no need to allow that world to impact yours. date whoever interests you.

Name: dawnjamarown

Comment: I guess since every black man I've dated had issues and treated me poorly I should "explore my horizons". I guess that means you are an emotional or physical abuser too. WRONG! If I knew you, I'd really swap stories with you. I've had black men do some God awful things to me. Damn my ex-fiancee told me he needed time to get right with God, and was engaged to someone else three weeks later. But I'm not giving up on Brothers. I've chose the wrong ones. I'm not flipping Vanilla because of bad choices and circumstances. I believe that there will come a time when I meet the RIGHT BROTHER, and then I'll know that everything I went through good and bad brought me to a point to meet, love, and appreciate him. I pray the same for you. Don't give up on sistahs!

Name: ShadowKnows

Comment: I don't think the issue here is race. I think that women don't see him as confident or masculine. I think whatever vibe he is giving off is making them see him as soft and weak. No woman wants a man like that. Not even non-black women.

Name: Maliki

Comment: Unbelievable. It doesn't matter if I stand alone with my comment, but that response seemed to be very unprofessional and accusatory. I find it amusing how a black man, who seems to be rather genuine, addresses his frustration and receives a response that tends to epitomize the views of a stereotypical, black woman. While reading the initial question it was apparent that men can be as insecure as women. The response shows that some women love playing victims so much, and are so "bitter", that they are unable to be open-minded and realize that they are not the only ones with issues. How can it be assumed that the guy is "repelling" women? That comment in itself is ridiculous, but to go further and advise that the man seek 'constructive criticism' from women, and/or talk to a therapist is ludicrous. It's amusing how an actual black woman refuses to admit that sometimes other black women are just unhappy, and set outrageous standards for what they are seeking, and willing to accept, without realizing that they have to offer a black man. Others fail to realize that they should not even be 'in the market' themselves. Now I admit, some of the guy's actions are a bit overboard, ie. obtaining a master's degree in order make more money, in order to satisfy a potential woman. However, he could have easily played the accusatory role and deemed the type of woman he's trying to please as a gold digger. But some sort of fault would have been found with that too, right? And when are we going to get over the interracial dating stigma? Stop worrying about what someone else is doing. Personally, I do not date outside of my race, and I have no desire to do so. However, if I choose to indulge in such, that's my decision.

Name: CILLA8192

Comment: Here is where my point on other columns come in this man said he is almost to the point of bitterness and ac just chewed him up and spit on him. Like I have asked before is she happy or maybe bitter herself and needs to not be giving advice to anyone for that matter she needs to iron out her own problems first. As for dude I think he is a good person for helping his parents I mean these are the people who took care of him so that he could be where he is at today, and any woman who can't accept that is not a good woman anyway. I'm saying this isn't going to last forever and no one knows the setup at home maybe since he pays half of everything he makes his own rules. Women are so quick to judge when a man lives at home with his parents but it's okay if they live with a bunch of roommates I mean really what is the difference. I commend this guy for doing what he's doing and just be patient the good one will come the one that will appreciate what you are about and love you for you and not your wallet.

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