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Name: MzTee

Comment: Ain't this some ISHT. Old boy knew old girl was a virgin and now he's pressuring her for 'some' after two years. Sistagirl needs to remain steadfast in her beliefs. She held out for 28 years and obviously wants her first time to be a gift to her husband, so she SHOULD remain true to that goal. If her faith in the ALMIGHTY is strong, NO ONE should be able to deter her. The right MAN will respect this, their relationship and her.

Name: McNasty

Comment: Not just that MzTee her 'girlfriends' are trying to talk her into giving it up! Her and dude need to talk so that he understands that she is sticking to her guns if he gets ghost she's not lost anything.

Name: GodsChild

Comment: Wheew. I thought this letter was going somewhere else. Maybe you didn't catch it, but when she said she was a Deacon in her church, I was thinking male. Women in these positions are considered a "Deaconess". I know it's semanitics to some, but there is a big difference, nontheless. Giving away her virginity to a man that doesn't deserve it is the single biggest mistake she'll do, if she chooses to do it. I don't care if she marries the man, it creates lots of problems that will manifest itself in her marriage over time. And who's to say this dude is actually going to marry her after he gets the goods. When will woman recognize that a boy will say any and everything to get in your pants. He'll use the word of God, he'll use marriage, he'll use whatever he can to get what he desires lustfully

Name: kady

Comment: Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that you do not want to do. If you're not ready than he needs to respect that... and if your 'girlfriends' had your best interest at heart then they would tell you the same thing.

Name: Gemami

Comment: What... I'm agreeing with GodsChild (lol)... I also thought the letter was from a guy and actually thought it would go a different direction. But anywhoo, like everyone said, this woman shouldn't even think about giving her "gift" to this man who isn't going to cherish it. Once she removes this man from her life she will see the man God has for her.

Name: GHank

Comment: Women are not alone in feeling pressured into having sex. A lot of women pressure men into having sex as well. As a guy, I was in my mid 30's before I had sex for the first time (and I will be 41 next week). So, I know what she is going through. My first time was a horrible experience. No one should ever be pressured into having sex. Save it for someone who you truly love.

Name: Simone

Comment: I think people are reading too far into her letter. She didn't say she didn't want to do it. She said, "I am not sure if I should..." So obviously she's thinking about it and is considerate of the fact that he's waited a long time already. And to be fair to the boyfriend, she did not actually say he was pressuring her. So we really don't know what she means when she says he said they must "resolve" the issue before they get married. I think it could mean he's had one too many cases of "blue balls" so he just wants her to make up her mind one way or the other so he can know what to expect (or not expect)and behave accordingly. He sounds like he is a pretty good guy since he's already waited about 2 years.

Name: JamerDelta

Comment: This letter is very unclear. I agree with Simone's post more than the others. Anyhoo, people crack me up about this 'virginity' thing. Sex is Sex. You either have it or you don't. Choose the right person and have a great experience--choose the wrong person and it may not be so great. Who says that her maybe future husband will be the 'best' person for her. There's nothing here about the relationship--is it a good relationship? or is it just good because he's waiting for her. For that matter--is he a virgin? Is he really waiting? People put too much damn emphasis on what they think religion says they should or shouldn't do. Each person has the right to choose the right path for themselves and at 28 she's old enough to do some research for herself--heck, talk to the peope around her, not write into an advice columnist. I promise that most on here who are saying to wait, didn't. But so what? We are sexual beings--it's amazing that we still fight that. Make informed choices as an adult (she's 28), protect yourself and have sex or not, but base it on the relationship not the idea that she'd be giving something away or some guilt feelings.

Name: Kofi

Comment: Excellent point Jamer. The reality is that people play all kinds of sexual games just so they may say they are virgins. People will engage in high risk anal sex just so that can say they are virgins. Im sure after two years they have been doing a lot more than simply holding hands. I think ol' is tired of the cold showers.

Name: GHank

Comment: Whether poeple read into the letter or not; The point of it all is that you should never be pressured into doing anything you don't want to do.

Name: JamerDelta

Comment: >>Kofi, you are so right. The first time I heard that people actually had anal sex to remain virgins, I almost fainted. I mean, I couldn't believe it! I couldn't believe people were that crazy--as if that weren't sex. Not to mention oral sex. In any event, I guess its even more prevalent than I thought. Sad, sad, sad.

Name: CrzyLdy16

Comment: Godschild- at my home church we have Deacons and Deaconesses. Two of the Deacons are female and have the title of Deacon. It just depends on the church i suppose.

Name: GoldenLady

Comment: When I was little, my daddy used to always tell me, "When in doubt, leave out." I think Jamer is true in saying the letter isn't crystal clear. But I think if she isn't sure if she should have sex w/ this man, she shouldn't b/c she could end up regretting it and she can never get her virginity back.

Name: GoldenLady

Comment: Oh, and I also believe that if you are in a relationship and aren't going to have sex w/ a person, you shouldn't mess around with them in a sexual sense. If you are in a relationship and you make it clear that you want to wait for marriage to have sex, then you should be careful even to the extent of any physical contact, even kissing b/c it only arouses desires that naturally grow w/ one end in view.

Name: libby

Comment: CrzyLdy is right. Deacon is the proper term for both males and females. "Deaconess" was created for women with issues just like the word "alderwoman". Both men and women are aldermen. And as for us being "sexual beings" and choosing our own paths, that's fine for those people who aren't interested in following God's law. But I'm sure the reason Advice Chick answered her the way she did is because this woman is a Deacon and obviously one who's trying very hard to live out God's will for her life, which I assure you is not just trying it out and hoping for the best until she gets it right. Although anyone who's ever tried it or who's in that situation now knows it's very difficult, especially when you're in a relationship you enjoy and believe your feelings are being reciprocated. And ESPECIALLY being a woman because even God calls us the weaker of the two sexes. Men can usually have us believing they're in love and in general, they just tend to know how to get us to do what they want us to if we're honest. I think the problem is having a relationship with someone who doesn't believe what you believe or what the bible calls unequally yoked. As long as you make those decisions, of course you're going to end up with negroes giving you ultimatums. They don't know where the heck you're coming from talking about you wanna wait until you get married. They still have that "test drive" mentality. Did anyone notice Advice Chick didn't curse her out? That struck me odder than anything else that was said! LOL!

Name: MzTee

Comment: McNasty...you are so right about the 'girlfriends' which is why I wrote NO ONE should deter her from her beliefs. Based on this woman's letter, her religion has informed her beliefs and is playing a major part in her decision to abstain. Regardless of how she came to her beliefs, religion or otherwise, she SHOULDN"T allow anyone to pressure her or make her conform. As a grown and intelligent woman, she should know this. Now if she IS allowing herself to fall prey to peer pressure, then one has the right to question what she actually believes. Because if old girl stands by her beliefs and remains true to her convictions, she'll realize this is a non-issue and keep it moving.

Name: Simone

Comment: I agree that no one should be pressured into doing anything they don't want to do. But in this woman's case, it appears she's putting the pressure on herself by being undecided. As MzTee stated, if she stands by her beliefs, then her decision is made and this would be a non-issue, thus no pressure. Sure the boyfriend is still going to want to do it. And he might keep trying to get her to change her mind (if that's what he has been doing in this case). But then her problem is not whether or not she should do it, but whether she should stay with a man who, for whatever reasons, can't respect her decision. And he, in turn, needs to decide if he can honestly and faithfully be with her and deal with not having sex until they're married.

Name: GodsChild

Comment: The reason I stated what I did in my previous comment is because God explicitly and without ambiguity states his qualifications of the deacon. In 1 Timothy 3:8-13 it says, "Deacons likewise must be serious not double-tongued they must hold the mystery of faith with a clear conscience. And let them also be tested first; then if they prove themselves blameless let them serve as deacons... Let deacons be the husband to one wife, and let them manage their children and their households well; for those who serve well as deacons gain a good standard for themselves and also great confidence in the faith which is in Christ Jesus." Again... Husband to one wife. Therefore a deacon can only be, through ordination by God, a "Man". Sorry, but traditions don't outweight the word of God. Throughout the Bible there is no warrant or command to ordain women in this position.

Name: DallasDiva

Comment: Oprah always says "Doubt means Don't" I am 25 and saving myself for marriage, so I definitely know what being pressured feels like. You just have to stick to your guns and PRAY for strength.lol

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