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Name: MzTee
Comment: Damn, DJ...is it really like that? You know the floodgates are open now because many folks are going to perceive this as an all-out %*$ault against women. While I don't agree with all your columns and/or opinions because to me your writing sometimes borders on the defensive (my opinion) when you challenge folks to 'get off the bridge' if they disagree with you, the one thing I do agree with you wholeheartedly on is treating folks with respect and being able to agree to disagree. And, I certainly ain't got a problem with a MAN or WOMAN defending themselves regardless of who throws the first jab, verbal or otherwise. Hell, if that email you posted is an indication of what comes into your inbox on the regular, I'm surprised you can get through the day with a halfway decent disposition.
Name: McNasty
Comment: LMAO@MzTee - this article is going to bring exactly what he's talking about right to his door. I see quite a few posters in his descriptions and I too find that respect on both sides is lacking. The ability to agree to disagree only leaves the parties involved with bitter feelings, rarely is there harmony between them again. When you don't agree with someone and want your own opinion to stand folk get pizzed - not realizing that it ain't that serious. I know it's possible to have intelligent or just straight amusing conversation but through our own design the verbal jockey is as integral a part of us as is the rest.
Name: mmww
Comment: Darryl, Man, please just shut the %*$! up. I want people to know that you don't speak for all men. I've also noticed a trend of yours. Whenever a woman sends you feedback you don't like or in rebuttal to your 'feminist' rants, and hurt your feelings....i can count on your article of projection to follow. Dude, fact is, many of us men need to man up, and I say that as a man.
Name: DCGG
Comment: Co-Sign MMWW - I too notice that trend...and glad to see a "real" man as DJ tried to put it in his article man up foreal!
Name: sweetpea
Comment: If this is not calling the kettle black. Recently, I email Darryl James regarding an article he wrote about Bill Cosby. I disagreed with his comments and e-mailed him with respectful comments, no profanity, just disagreed with his comments. Darryl responded with an e-mail full of profanity and calling me & Mr. Cosby "House Niggers" and calling me a "%*$!(". I couldn't belive it! Just because I expressed my opinion in a respectful and intelligent manner and disagreed with him. So, I responded back to him in another e-mail, still calm and respectful and let him know that he was the only "%*$!(@" for making such remarks. He responded back by calling another "%*$!(". I can't belive in this article he is talking about being respectful and comming off like he is so intelligent but in reality he needs to practice what he preaches. I even went to his website, bridgecolumn.com to try to file a complaint againt his verbal attack. He e-mailed me by saying access denied "%*$!(". This brother has deep "issues" and should not be allowed to have a column if he can not deal with people critizing his opinons. He needs to grow up. I also expressed my concerns with his verbal attack with EURWEB.com and they still supports his columns. What's up with that.
Name: Teigh
Comment: Perhaps some of what Darryl is saying is true, however from reading what others wrote Darryl might not be the best person to shed light on the subject. I say this, since it is an important part of the Black male/female experience; let's use this article to bring forth opinions and ideas on how to rectify the situation instead of it becoming another series of post bashing Darryl with Darryl bashing back. In other words ignore the messenger and comment on the issue.
Name: Teigh
Comment: As a woman, I don't know if I agree with term Radical Feminism however I would say that all women have benefited from the feminist movement, I just don't know if all Black women understood that some feminist retoric meant that one should exclude the men. I'm pro choice and for birth control, however I don't think we really looked at the consequences of these advances. It put sex into another category altogether and made some people very irresponsible in the process. Women have made advances in the workplace, no doubt the result of hard work however it has caused a tremendous rift with Black male/female relationships because it was done at the expense of brothers. While working for a major entertainment conglomorate in the late 80's I remember when the Black women started getting promotions -- but the brothas were all downsized out or given packages. Neither figured it was simply EEOC at work playing both the Black male and the Black female: a Black women counts as two minorities while a brotha is just one. I think both Black women and Black men need to step up. There are women who want it both ways -- men as well. But the truth is some of us have lost respect for each other and it's all about what you can get. I firmly believe with all my being that you need to be what you want -- now I'm just curious how many could be committed to that concept?
Name: McNasty
Comment: Great post Teigh! It truly does cut both ways but the fact that we know the slant DJ uses to write his articles should eliminate the need to bash him because the content of the article is usually valid. I don't get off on the names - they don't apply to me but his remarks for the most part are thought provoking. I look forward to the day when a discussion ensues that totally leaves him and his character out of it. Black men and women regardless of the labels should be able to converse on this board in a more intelligent and respectful way but it certainly doesn't help when the articles are designed to create controversy which always turns ugly.
Name: Teigh
Comment: McNasty>I co-sign completely with what you wrote but I would also say that it has a great deal to do with growth -- from both the messenger and those that read the message. We do a great disservice appealing to negative in some of us because we wind up all being categorized.
Name: DarrylJames
Comment: Well, I was already ready for the hate, but let’s be honest. We’re dealing with a bunch of babies. Too many of us are so emotionally child-like that we don’t know how to have a real discussion without the vitriol. Disagree and it’s about a fight. And, of course, the people who are the nastiest of all refuse to see their part. It’s all about old crazy Darryl James. That’s cool, but what about the other side? I don’t write these pieces in a vacuum, I write based on what is in the Diaspora. The bottom line is that it’s nearly impossible to change some people’s perspectives and simply being disagreeable won’t do it. Folks may not like it, but my writing has impacted many in a progressive way. The haters aren’t positively impacted, so they believe that I’m just an angry man with a column. I don’t mind that, I just believe in "live and let live." Why try to crush me because you disagree? As for people like sweetpea, if she is who I think she is, her emails were not respectful at all, yet she was horrified when I dissed her back. And, she was goofy enough to ask EUR to censor me because she was offended. It’s sad that people like her can’t look at the offensive content of their email, but want everyone to join in to %*$ail me for giving it back to her. She says I need to grow up, but since I won’t change, WHY DON’T YOU STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME? I don’t personally email anyone to tell them they are wrong and to try to convince them that I am right. I write my view, put it in the air and let it be. Whatever happened to "if thine eye offends thee, pluck it out?" Or to quote George Lopez: "If you don’t like it, don’t look at it." If I am so ignorant, hateful and all the other crap, why not ignore me? But they won’t and their sociopathic behavior is rampant, so I write about it. And, for many people, it IS about the messenger. Teigh just posted an opinion that I have put forth in my column, but when I said it, I got hatred for it. She’s a woman, so I suppose no one will call her gay or invite her to "step outside."
Name: jboy
Comment: TRUE STORY: A "friend' and his wife were once having an argument (she was wrong, later admitted she was wrong, but "I was tired of HIM always being 'right'"). She begtan name-calling and said that his attitude was what was wrong with him & his whole fncking family. He called her a b!tch - she ran and got a dirty flyswatter and came back swatting him, with all her might, about the arms, back and especially the face, all the time yelling "Don't you EVER call me that again! I'm gonna teach you to RESPECT me!" He tried to leave she'd run around in front and swat even harder. Finally, he could stand no more (he was so frustrated by now he was gritting his teeth and crying) - he grabbed the wrist with the flyswatter, with only one of his hands, gave it a quick twist. She howled in pain but dropped the flyswatter. Weeks later she was still telling all her friends how abusive her man was -- called her a B!TCH then actually put his hands on her and hurt her. Yes I witnessed it all. I stuck up for him and told what happened. Most agree tht she left him no choice. But the hands-on-hips neck-wobblers (YOU KNOW)refuse to see it as anything but abuse "Ain't no man go the right to touch a woman EV-AH!!!" To them I say, if you corner any creature and give him no way out prepare yourself for his attack. That includes even the most WHIPPED man. And since I was there thru it all why didn't I try to intervene? Because if that B!TCH had hit ME with that swatter even ONCE as hard as she was hitting him it would've been ON! I wouldn't have waited till my nose was bleeding and my face was covered in welts.
Name: sweetpea
Comment: To Darryl James. Yes, this is sweetpea, the one you verbally cursed at calling her a "%*$!(" and "House %*$!(@". Now your going to lie and say I attacked you. You,I and God know the truth. Nobody is trying to change you, I would'nt dare try. I was just stating my opinion and your the one that got offended by verbally attacking me & calling me out of my name and disrespecting me. You, I and God knows what you said and what I said. I was totally respectful to you. It seems you have amnesia, brother. Your right it is sad that your in denial and you are the one that can't accept other opinions. If someone doesn't agree with you, you verbally attack them. Sure you come off in your columns as professional & positive but let someone have a diffrence of opinion, oh theres hell to pay. The fact that I didn't agree with you, and I didn't back down from your outlandish behavior towards me, now you want to lie about the situation. You don't and can't handle the truth. I exposed you for the fraud you truly are. Like I told you before, I am going to continue to pray for you. God Bless you.
Name: ifeni35
Comment: Once again I feel this brother strong and had to write my feelings. As a black woman, it hurts to see some of the things that my sister/girls are doing and saying to each other and to our own brothers. If Darryl is wrong or is speaking harshly, we sisters have to do something that my mother and grandmother taught me. That is to let a man be a man be right or wrong. A woman can only change a man through love. Darryl speaks harshly, but I can still see through that harshness to see what is saying even if I disagree. I read this article a few times and I see his point too clearly. Some of us as women refuse to see when we are wrong or when we bring bad things on ourselves. We think that we can say or do whatever we want and men will still respect us. I have a cousin who is in jail right now for %*$aulting his sister. When the police came to get him, they didn't want to hear about how he had been beaten by her for years when he tried to walk away from fights with her. She's older and bigger and he just turned 18. One day he had just had enough and hit her in the jaw, breaking her jaw. Now, he has a criminal record. The family is torn, but I'm more mad at her for being violent with him and pushing him. I'm mad at their parents for not intervening. I come across hostile and angry sisters every day who can not look at themselves. But all the while they are talking about the bad men who did wrong to them.
Name: JamerDelta
Comment: I am reading EUR less and less. Posting on her less and less. Everything from the articles to the postings all bend so negatively, I find that it does affect me if I'm not in the right frame of mind. I don't care what anyone says--fighting fire with fire only gets everyone burned. It is always good to take the high road--always. If only one person in a conversation takes the high road, that's enough. If someone is screaming and carrying on and they're the only one doing it, they have no choice but to back down--there's nothing against them. They will be the fool that's only arguing with themselves. I really found nothing in this article that was positive or inclined me to any kind of positive action which is always my hope. I really didn't learn anything except that DJ feels that taking the high road isn't a good idea and that he's ready for a fight. If that was the intent of the article,ok. Not my cup of tea, though.
Name: McNasty
Comment: Ifeni speak sister! If we take DJ out of it and read and understand the article we should be able to have a pretty decent discussion. I said earlier his articles are thought provoking whether I agree with them or not. I hate to read all those unnecessary attacks - they are personal and rarely deal with the article itself, just the mental state of the writer. I'm sure though with practice, one day we'll get it right.
Name: sweetpea
Comment: To MMWWW. Thank you for your post. I agree with you 100%.
Name: CrzyLdy16
Comment: I agree the name calling, bad mouth language, etc. is unladylike. It just shows the frustration of not being able to adequately communicate one's thoughts and improper home training. A real lady does not have to stoop so low. HOWEVER, I take issue with the view that it is okay for the man to also go into the gutter with his responses and his behavior, i.e., calling a woman a b*tch. Just like a true lady does not lower herself by using that language and "acting out", a true man would never respond in kind. Just because a woman hasn't learned or cannot respect herself to not act that way does not give the man a green light to disrespect her back. A true man, a gentleman, would not respond that way. When you argue with a fool, onlookers find it hard to determine which one is the fool.
Name: Teigh
Comment: CrzyLdy16> The last line in your post was a true gem!!!!!
Name: MrsPhoenix
Comment: "A nation can rise no higher than its woman"...Sisters, we MUST be accountable of our own actions and words and stop blaming Brothers like DJ when they speak truth, no matter how harsh. We take the harshness of white folks all day long, but we can't extend ourselves to our Brothers??? Come on!
Name: MistaO
Comment: I typed a bunch and I think I gave the server an overload. So real quick here, to boil all this stuff down to the brothers you simply must, must get the book "Black mans guide to understanding the Black woman" by Shaharizad (sp) Ali. I can personally guarantee you will read the first 4 pages and sit there shaking your head. She talks about the reason why so many of our sisters behave the way they do, discusses the "tricks" many Black women use on Black men handed down generation to generation, goes into the reason why so many "good" Black men end up outside the family (if you get my drift). When she came out with this book and the "Black womans guide..." a whole lot of sisters hated on her and all because in the book she mentions the fact that some women deserved to be slapped in the mouth when speaking disrespectfully to their husbands. That statement alone sent the Oprah crowd into a tizzy and most of what could have been gained by reviewing this material with an open mind was lost. However, I'd encourage every real brother and sister to order these joints.
Name: MelodyCool
Comment: We should probably just ignore DJ like we'd do if he was in our presence. He's not remotely interested in bridging any gaps.
Name: DarrylJames
Comment: It seems that some people are focusing on the real issues at hand, especially with the last couple of posts before MelodyCool, who is on that same gang mentality I spoke about—why not just ignore me yourself? Leave other people to think as individuals. And, I hear you JamerDelta, but really, it doesn't matter what is written about here. What matters is that there are some pathological boneheads who come in here to hate. They do it no matter what the topic is and we need to look at that. I write about politics, religion and love. I wrote a piece about hope and I still caught hate. WTF? I ignore the haters and they still hate. My world is much bigger than what these fools think it is, but no matter what, invariably, the topic becomes irrelevant and the crazies turn to me. That's real. What is also real is that women ARE becoming more hostile and with accordingly, more violent behavior towards men as well as other women. It’s in the air and we should deal with it, right along with all the issues Black women want Black men to focus on. I remember sitting in the screening for "Waiting To Exhale," when it came to Angela B%*$et’s character burning her husband’s car, the crowd (mostly women) erupted with cheers!! I refused to see the Madea movies, but I heard that a similar response was found during a scene of hot grits being thrown. Maybe some people think that I get one response or one email and I write an article about that one person, but that's just ignorant. I use the emails and comments as examples for what are REAL problems in our society whether people think it's only me or not. And from the examples that jboy and ifeni have provided, we can see that it's not just old crazy Darryl. We can also see it judging from the growing number of Black women in prison for violent crimes, We can ignore these real issues, or we can discuss them so that in the light, they can be dealt with. We've been ignoring them for a long time and things have only gotten worse. What we've seen is that even some of the nuts who we ignore just keep it coming, no matter what. MrsPhoenix—pure science when you said: "We take the harshness of white folks all day long, but we can't extend ourselves to our Brothers???"
Name: Kofi
Comment: Since I have been reading DJ's column I have found a couple of things to be true. 1)DJ definitely knows how to generate some heated discussion. 2)DJ is not shy about brandishing his verbal swords. Sometimes I disagree but for the most part the brotha is on point. In this case, I don't think the antisocial behavior of some women can be attributed to radical feminism but to a general break down of social mores. An axiom is that "violence begets violence." I have been witness to some women who have been verbally and/or physically violent. To engage with someone like this is almost always a lose lose proposition. I do think the solution begins with black men and women having an open and honest dialogue. This antisocial behavior on the part of both men and women stems from deep pain and trauma both individually and collectively. When you lash out at someone who looks like you, this is indicative of self hate. The real issue is to stop the pain and begin the healing process both individually and collectively.
Name: Kofi
Comment: PS. I forgot to add that many of us try to self medicate our way out of the pain. We try to shop our way out. We even try to eat our way out or we lash out at the ones we love. The real issue is that we are in pain. We must all be man or woman enough to admit that we are hurting and then we can begin to heal.
Name: MrsPhoenix
Comment: Thank you DJ. We, as a people, forget all the tricks that the oppressors of our people formulated and played ON and WITH us...to the point that we WILLINGLY continue the tricks on one another! At some point, in our individual (and collective) communities and lives, we have to STOP. And MistaO, I remember all that controversy around Sista's book...there was a lot of truth in that book, and at the least, was worthy of thoughtful discussion, NOT hellified emotion.
Name: MrsPhoenix
Comment: Ever wonder why some of our Brothers will choose and stay with ugly White women, carrying that baby bag, pushing that stroller and doting on both mother & child? Ever wonder what that White woman brings to the table to keep that Brother?
Name: MsSerendipity
Comment: Man's inhumanity to man. Talking about killing the messenger. We need to focus. Most of the comments that I have read have become completely personal. I also believe that the women who have such angry responses don't realize that a nerve is being hit and it's about you. Don't take it out on Mr. James. Personally I like his style because he doesn't make an arguement without buttressing his stance with valid primary sources. I think his style is perceived as being purposfully inflammatory because he uses that "punch you in the throat" delivery, in that, he is forcefully saying what he needs to be said. Thus,in order to get the stupidly abstinate to listen sometimes you have to punch them in the throat to get their attention. I like his style because he comes at you straigt with whatever he has,does not mince words,, play to political correctness nor utilize the current black woman bashing techniques that seem to undercut most writers these days. It seems alot of women's stances are to justify their emotionally driven "attidudinal" behavior. My goodness I have totally lost focus what the article was all about because in reading them more and more they seem to have become peronal. Let me just say that I think the family structure is broken down to the point where women don't know their place. I am not a feminist and will be lynched for my response I am sure but so what. People please try to remember that once dialogue turns ugly and disrespectful then it is no longer a discussion but an arguement. Why can't we seem to address the issues without pouncing on the writer? Are we cencoring now? btw...have any of you heard a song by the late 2pac (RIP) called "You wonder why we call you %*$!("...check it out, it may give you some enlightenment. Darryl do what you do! Keep on singing because I like the tune. Peace and Respect
Name: MsSerendipity
Comment: CrzyLdy16> I agree with your last line of your comment as well because "Who is the bigger fool? or the one that engages him? Darryl brother Marley said a statment that a friend passed on to me and I hve always carried it with me and I give it to you "It's a foolish Dog that Barks at a Soaring Bird"...
Name: MsSerendipity
Comment: Wowza at my typos...here is what I meant to say..lolll Who is the bigger fool? The fool or the one who engages him? I guess we can tell who didn't take typing in school..*smile*
Name: DarrylJames
Comment: Real talk, Kofi. That’s getting to the heart of the issue—the pain we carry as a people. Pain is the reason why many people refuse to look at the issue and so focus on the messenger. If they can tell me I’m a hater of Black women, gay or crazy, then they don’t have to focus on the very real issues at hand. But, really if we don’t begin to talk about real issues while leaving our emotional baggage behind, things will only get worse. Some sisters may not like it when I give my researched perspective on actions they can take to make things better, but, really, it is what I believe to be a balance to the growing number of Black women over 35 who are unmarried and alone. Whether people want to look at it or not, that same group is host to a number of horrifying social afflictions, including illnesses, which, as you pointed out, leads to self-medication. That same group is also one of the fastest growing groups of non-incarcerated people on prescription anti-depressant medication. And, we should be frightened by the obesity rate amongst that same group. All that having been said, I would be a sorry azz Black man to write about non-confrontation happy crap all the time. I take the heat because, really, I don’t see too much discussion on some of the topics I choose. Funny how people cheer when I write pieces like "Just Be A Man About It," but then come at me with the sound and the fury when I try to counter some of the psychological candy that’s been placed in the psyche of some of our sisters via Oprah, Essence, et al. Let no one be confused, there are still a majority of Black men and women who view each other with love, but some of our sisters and brothers are being duped by the media hype and adopting the self-hate campaign—I’m a warrior against that b.s
Name: DarrylJames
Comment: MrsPhoenix, that is a pure slave mentality when any of us becomes so desperate to be with a white person that we take the bottom of their barrel garbage and treat it like gold. But, really, in many ways, we should be glad they left us, because they were already stepped in self-hatred. I like this: ""It's a foolish Dog that Barks at a Soaring Bird"... it makes more sense than not being able to tell which one is a fool. I’ll take the risk of being assumed a fool, if one person is able to look and learn. In the end, I think it’s typically clear which one is really foolish. Sometimes, you have to stoop down to raise someone up.
Name: CrzyLdy16
Comment: I hear what you are saying DJ- I try to keep an open mind when I read your column(though sometimes I do sense some pain and anger there as well- maybe it is just the passion for what you believe)and see the message behind the delivery. And this is just my personal opinion and how I operate, but someone has to be the bigger person. I have seen some of the trashy comments to you on your article from some of the women on the board and I have been shocked and wondered if they use the same words and have the same attitude away from cyberspace. But for me, I have so much more respect for a man who can respond without the same foul mouth. To me, that takes strength, that is a "soaring bird."
Name: MsSerendipity
Comment: Mr. James you had me until you thru Oprah in there. I see her as a positive sista who does alot for all people. I consider myself a part of the HUE-MAN race. There really is only one. I do believe that our family structure has been broken down. So instead of mothers staying home instilling their values in their kids, the kids are being raised by day care workers. I am all for change but in some instances "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". I don't know why you felt the need to throw Oprah into the mix (maybe because she is non-controversial) but I feel she has a right to who she is. Her shows have helped many women. The Black Man to me is precious. I grew up with 4 brothers and my mother would always tell me to treasure them. She would say how much SH*t they had to deal with in the streets that when they come home they are to be coveted. I believe they are KINGS to this day and should be the head of the household. You see so many women emasculating men and it's sad. Just as you see so many women talking about how they can raise a son. I think a woman can give a great amount of things to a son but she cannot show him where to get his manhood. How could she? She is not a MAN. My brother's were fortunate because their father died young but I am in a family where we believe the village method works. My mother's brother's stepped in and help to guide those boys towards manhood. So that is 4 less manchildren the world has to worry about. In no way was the "fool" comment meant for you, instead it was for the haters. Mr. James I would like to make one more quote if I may... "I may not change this dirty world, but it I keep talking about it, I may spark the brain of the kid who will"..2pac So keep talking and let the haters bark as you soar!!!!
Name: lovelace
Comment: Ms. Serendipity, I don't think women choose to raise children alone, but many have had to step up to the plate b/c men have fallen short. I agre that the family structure has been broken down. But, we are living in different times and the cost of living forces mothers to work. Because a women is working doesn't mean she's not instilling values in her children. I agree that a woman cannot teach a boy to be a man, but what can she do if her son's father walked away from his responsibility? She is NOT a man and not necessarily trying to be a man, but trying to be a mother to her son. Parenting is being accountable. (Too many men have walked away from their own children and are raising someone else's.) I know men have a lot to deal with being black in America, but that excuse is tired. Life is what you make it! How can a man expect his woman to follow him, when he's not going anywhere? When a man carries himself as a King (i.e. goes to work, pays bills, puts food on the table, etc.) he will be treated as such. Otherwise, he is just another mouth to feed.
Name: DarrylJames
Comment: C'mon now, lovelace, that makes no sense. Why give men ALL the blame? Not all single mothers are innocent victims. We are talking choice, which means that if the man is a bag of crap, she still CHOSE him. She chose to spend time with him, have sex with him (unprotected) and go through with the pregnancy. And, there are a number of cases where the man didn't simply walk away--the woman made it hard for him to be on the scene and/or even kept him away. Now, of course some women have been abandoned with their children, but we need to stop thinking that this is the only case. Things are never black and white and the responsibility is on both parties who are laying down. Ladies if you want a king, wait until you find one--don't date a frog and then later complain that he is a frog.
Name: MrsPhoenix
Comment: And Sistas: When God blesses you with that King, don't complain when the King ACTS like a King and YOU don't want to relinquish control!
Name: amethyst
Comment: Darryl, your response to Lovelace covers my thoughts almost verbatim. As a Black woman, I am tired of hearing my sisters whine, complain and bash brothers without considering their own complicity in their situations. I 500% agree that women must remember that we "CHOOSE" the people with whom we get involved. When we just "DO" rather than "THINK" AND "CHOOSE" we set ourselves up for drama. If we take a few minutes to exhale and use our brains instead of acting out of loneliness, desperation or horniness we will make better "CHOICES". Most women I hear complaining made bad choices from jump street. If the brother was no good before you married him or got pregnant, guess what: he ain't gonna change. If he has a history of not supporting the children he already has, guess what: he ain't gonna provide for your new addition. Why do we think that we are so different or that our stuff is so good that we will change a man? We need to look at the person objectively with 20/20 clear vision before we get caught up. If you take a cobra or lion home and treat it like a pet dog or cat, don't act surprised and hurt when it bites you. Your actions will not change its nature or character.
Name: amethyst
Comment: Mrs. Phoenix - I second that!!
Name: lovelace
Comment: DJ, in response to Ms. Serendipity's email regarding the breakdown of the family, women trying to be men, etc. I felt the need to state that women don't always choose the "head of household" role. I am in no way saying women are innocent victims in the breakdown of the family structure. Women are just as responsible, if not more responsible, for the man she chose to have unprotected sex with. But, when its all said and done and a child is born out of wedlock, lust or love, that child needs both parents! If the man "didn't want the child" he should have thought about that before having unprotected sex. If a woman chose to have the baby,(whether the man wanted her to or not)he needs to be man enough to provide for the child. Too many African-american men simply walk away from the seeds they've planted, leaving the woman to raise the child on her own. I agree that waiting for a KING is the solution. Ms. Phoenix, I've been celibate for over three years now, waiting patiently for my KING, who someday will enjoy all of me. When he does come into my life, I will willingly relinquish control, until then, I will continue to work on me!
Name: lovelace
Comment: Amethyst, I am in no way "bashing" the brothers nor am I complaining or whining. The bottom line is that children need to be provided for and regardless of how the child was conceived, both parties need to be responsible.
Name: DarrylJames
Comment: Maybe it’s just me, lovelace, but it seems that you issued a denial and then repeated yourself. Let’s be honest--women have far more control in the situation. A man loses control once he drops his seed unless he is with a woman who will be his wife and partner for life. A woman makes the ultimate decision on whether to have the child whether the man is a bag of crap or not. You said that if a woman chooses to have the baby, the man needs to be "man enough" to provide for the child. What does that mean, really? If he wasn’t "man enough" to begin with, why would that change? Doesn’t the woman need to think about whether she wants the child, as well? Shouldn’t she think about the whole situation that will impact her life, if she knows that the man she’s been boinking has been a bag of crap and won’t stop being a bag of crap? AND, you’re making stuff up, talking about how too many Black men are walking away to leave the women on their own. Is there a study to back this up? And please don’t refer to Cosb itch and his "sperm shooting machine" statement, because that wasn’t research either. Recognize that white men are also absent from a number of their children’s lives. I know that there are deadbeat dads out there. I look at some of the men with children and all I can think is: "Who the hell let YOU get busy with her?"
Name: MsSerendipity
Comment: LoveLace- When I was speakin of women's inability to raise MEN I was speaking more towards our commmunities. Look at the example that I used. As I said my brother's father died when they were young and my family rallied around those boys. My uncles set examples for them, took them fishing , talked about the MEN things. We are not men we are different. Just because a woman can take care of of a male child financially does not make it right. He needs things that WE as women cannot experience because we are simply NOT MEN. We all know that as responsible PARENTS that we both need to step up to the plate. However, instead of bashing this man who U chose (to sleep with), I would spend my time letting my son be around responsible men. Men who can help and pick up where I left off. Going over and over and over about men not being responsible is redundant. Why don't we talk about a solution. How about we champion our diversities? Why not have a pow-wow about "What we should do if"... Because if dude is a deadbeat dad there is no use in beating that dead horse. In the end you are stil a single mother with a son to raise. Community is so important. Families that help each other, my brothers saw how my uncles treated their wives and they followed suit. Lovelace I am in no way saying that women are choosing to be the head of the household. I look forward to the day that I can relax and let him lead me. What I was saying is that if you are in that situation, what good does it do to talk about the father who is not doing his part? U can't change him. I think it would be more productive to talk about how we break the cycle and ensure that we do everything for our young men to assist in them becoming men and not men children. I see so many women whining about wanting a good man but answer this question honestly..Can you let him lead you or has your forced independence made you too hard. I am reflecting on a statment that Mr. James said in another article that had me nodding my head in agreement. He said that most women who wear their badge of independence are usually not looking for a relationship because to be in a relationship there must be dependency. I suggest all women if you have not read that article to look into his archives..it's called "Independent Women" I think,or something close to that. Read it and re-read it and re-re-read it again. I revel in my feminity. I love the differnces between men and women. everything does not go as planned..if only we lived in a perect world. But i think instead of wasting good ink on "he is not doing this, and he is not doing that', lets focus on our other options that are in the best interest of the child. Peace to the head, health to the body.
Name: MsSerendipity
Comment: Sorry guys I didn't mean to ne so verbose..
Name: amethyst
Comment: Lovelace - I was not accusing you of male bashing or complaining. I was referring to the women who do this. Nothing in your comments demonstrates these behaviors. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.
Name: lovelace
Comment: Interesting dialogue! Its good to know that we can agree, to disagree. I LOVE IT!!!
Name: MsSerendipity
Comment: Lovelace- It is indeed a good thing that we can have fair and healthy dialogue. Notice how the thread went from killing the messenger to good respectul dialogue. We need to continue to take out the demons in our range! I am new to the works of Mr. James but I am loving how it provokes good diaogue. "Why can't we Talk" hey now we are talking.
Name: MsSerendipity
Comment: MrsPheonix...I also meant to comment on your statement about relinquishing your control when that King comes along. I beleive that when it's right,there is a MUTUAL SUBMISSION. Moreover it's not something that will be discussed, it will happen naturally. I have enjoyed reading you all. How interesting...
Name: MelodyCool
Comment: MrsPhoenix...all she has to bring to the table is her white skin. Nuff said! Why are white men killing them while pregnant and blowing up homes to deprive them of their share. Ain't nothing perfect about white women except their skin to a black man. They can have 'em. I'm so glad this white woman is about to relieve Michael Strahan of $14 million. Barely did sh*t for his black kids and now this woman has taken him for a serious ride!!! Read all about it:>>> http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/games_down_to_ exes__owes_regionalnews_jeane_macintosh.htm
Name: MsSerendipity
Comment: @ MelodyCool *blank stare* huh?
Name: DarrylJames
Comment: MsSerendipity, I thought it was me. MelodyCool went out there, didn’t she? I was also giving a blank stare at this statement: "Ain't nothing perfect about white women except their skin to a black man."
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