Sun, Nov 22, 2009
EURweb |
|
Back to the Article »
Click Here
|
|---|
| Click here to post your comments. |
|
Name:
MrsPhoenix
Comment: LOL! And there's truth in all of it...whether WE want to admit it or not.
|
|
Name:
MzTee
Comment: Very good list. I especially like and subscribe to #7. I can't read a man's mind and he can't read mine. I'm a firm believer in asking for what I want and I expect old boy to do the same. Love #9, but note that slingshot goes both ways. Brothers can get their feelings hurt as well when their women honestly answer their questions. Lord knows I've seen that 'stunned' look in many men's eyes after I've truthfully answered a question.
|
|
Name:
ImJustAsking
Comment: DJ< Thank you so much for letting women know what to do to please and keep a man. I know that is the foremost subject on most educated and empowered women's minds. And, of course, it's a topic that has never been written about or addressed before especially not by a qualified relationship psychologist such as yourself. One thing, you might want to fix a few of these. #1 Men tend to be the ones that prefer giving advice over listening. I think most women have experiences where they just wanted to vent and the man wanted to give them a solution. Women are much better listeners, put that on record. #2 Much adieu has been made of women being angry about raised toilets seats, that appears to be fodder for comedians, it’s really not something that women actually get emotional about. If your woman is picking on you for that, just leave. #3 Just because you have a distaste for women doesn’t mean that all men do. Plenty of my friend’s boyfriends love to hang out with us, we can outdrink them, our party them, we know just as much about sports, and are generally fun to be around. Nobody forces them to go, they ask to be included in our activities. In fact, I was hanging out with four of my friend’s boyfriends BEFORE they began dating. #4, see number 1. If she doesn’t ask you to solve it, just listen and STFU. Besides, what makes you think you know better how to solve her problem than she does? #5 Chances are if your woman asks you to sit with her while watching Sex in the City, she’s not asking for your opinion on the Jimmy Choo spring line, perhaps she would just like for you to be in the room while the show is on b/c she likes being around you…although I can’t see any woman wanting to be around you so you must not be citing #5 from personal experience.
|
|
Name:
ImJustAsking
Comment: Continuing on, please also fix: #6. This one was plain stupid. If you care about a woman and want to know her size you can look in her clothes. I’m not sure what point you were trying to make here. I give this example 2 thumbs down. #7 This is just being picky for no reason. Women are much better communicators than men and, if anything, we are the ones who have to pull information out of you, mostly because you have been socialized to disconnect emotions from decidedly male behavior. Look at any academic study, women develop and improve verbal skills earlier than men, and we are naturally better communicators. #8 This is something that men are equally as guilty of so I’m not sure why this was directed at women. It should have been left off. There are all types of needs that women have that men feel are silly or don’t understand. #9 This one proved to me that you lack sensitivity. If a woman asks you for reassurance that she is beautiful you should give it. I’m not saying that a woman she ask you everyday if she is fat or constantly nag you for validation but compliments are something that you should want to give your woman. If you don’t, perhaps she is not the woman you really desire. Every woman wants to be sure that her man finds her desirable, it’s human nature. #10 Once again, this is about communication a skill at which women, on a whole, tend to be better at than men. All in all, I think you have chosen to project common behaviors exhibited by BOTH SEXES onto women as a whole – a reoccurring theme in your articles.
|
|
Name:
McNasty
Comment: LMAO Can't take offense or issue with any of this because I see some of what I have done or said in it. Of course being a huge fan of communication if my husband cares enough to ask, nothing is not my normal answer. Men aren't that complicated it's that women sometimes try to think for both and that gets complicated.
|
|
Name:
YLawdY
Comment: LMAO..so much truth. IJA, don't be so defensive. He is speaking from a male perspective as we so often do from a female perspective. How often do we e-mail "lists" to our friends?
|
|
Name:
ImJustAsking
Comment: YlawdY< if I email a list like that out to anyone it is as a joke, fun email forwards. On the other hand, DJ considers himself to be a journalist with integrity so why stoop to the level of glamour magazine or marie claire and distribute some silly list of dubious quality. Unless of course he wrote this article for laughs, I did get a chuckle or two out of it. I'm not sure how I'm being defensive, I'm making the point that I don't agree with him, I'm sure he will be namecalling me soon enough.
|
|
Name:
DCGG
Comment: Every week the same old regurgitated shat over and over again...
|
|
Name:
shulamite
Comment: This is a pretty good list for the most part (thanks!) though I'd agree with another poster re #9 "If a woman asks you for reassurance that she is beautiful you should give it.". Real love sees through a woman's insecurities re appearance and says back to her "yes, you have gained weight or _________, BUT I am still as crazy about you as the day we first got together. Your appearance doesn't change anything between us." THAT is what the woman asking you if she is too fat needs to hear. Otherwise, great list!
|
|
Name:
Lolly
Comment: Wow. Shulamite, may I say, AMEN!!! What you said is definitely what a woman is looking for when asking how she looks to her man. It's not about the physical, so much as it is about the feelings attached. Sometimes, women (idiotically) stop loving themselves a little with each pound gained, so we sometimes think the man feels that way, too. IJA, you Were being defensive. Go ahead and admit it. You cracked me up and I agree with a couple points, but it was defensive. ;o) This is a cute list and I'll forward to my girls because I know this is ONE man's opinion and worthy of reading (be honest, the man can write!). It doesn't represent All Men because the author might be unique and unlike most men. I'm like that. I HATE to shop!!!!! And I get Really P*ssed off when a man azzumes I like it. But there are lots of women who do love to shop and waste hard earned money in a vain attempt to keep up with others when their focus should be on being fiscally responsible. ;o) So if I speak about women prefering to save money in high yield money market accounts, that's MY opinion, but doesn't really represent all other women. See? Take it light and enjoy it. And for the record, not defending anyone or bashing anyone. Just learned to take life with a grain of salt. lol (continued...)
|
|
Name:
Lolly
Comment: One comment though. #7 about men not preferring women who seem "mysterious" isn't as on point as I wish it was (I'm being nice, so please don't attack). The Real Fact Is, the majority of men really don't appreciate a woman who is up front and honest about feelings other than sexual. Be truthful, a woman being honest about wanting to sex you up and how she'll do it is fine. But if she's real and lets you know she loves and cares for you, then her appeal lessens. Been through it, writing a book. :o) A man to whom I was honest about my deep feelings felt I had no mystery, as he never had to guess what I wanted, so my appeal was lessened. When I started ignoring him, being more mysterious, not forthcoming about my feelings any more, stopped being available or admitting how I felt, then his interest got really heavy. That was a year ago. Now we're married. Go figure! It was the "mysterious" crap that made it happen (and my cooking! lol). So, on the real, men DO prefer women who have some mystery and don't lay it all out there. They don't want to know exactly what they are dealing with or else there's no challenge; nothing for them to "conquer". But (and maybe this was the authors intent), they don't like e'rythang to be some mysterious quest where they are expected to read your mind. Like Birthdays and other gifts. If you want a specific thing, then say so. If you want nothing (which is NOT the case for women), then say that. But be honest. :o)
|
|
Name:
shulamite
Comment: Lolly you wrote "A man to whom I was honest about my deep feelings felt I had no mystery, as he never had to guess what I wanted, so my appeal was lessened." This frustrates me in my relationship. My career (science) depends on me being precise, forthright and cutting through the mystery. I'm supposed to solve the mystery! That carries over in to my personal life, as I strongly believe that all people ought to roll with complete transparency - especially on deep relationship issues. I'm glad that your increasing the "mystery" helped wrt to your eventual marriage. I just don't think I can pull that off. Shoot, I need to know everything and I need to communicate in a way that my man knows everything, too! What's wrong with that, gentlemen??? :-(
|
|
Name:
GoldenLady
Comment: Lolly, your last post about mystery is perfectly defends your previous post that it depends on the individual. My man hates any form of mystery. Anyway, I enjoyed the article b/c I called him and read it to him and I asked did I misunderstand some of these things about him. He said, yes, some of them. Everything on that list didn't apply to him. But it was a great conversation builder b/c we were able to talk about things we misunderstand about each other in the most amicable way. Thanks, DJ!
|
|
Name:
GoldenLady
Comment: Nothing, Shulamite! My man gave Darryl one up on that. He said he definitely doesn't want to be guessing. Just tell him whatever it is. He also agreed silence is sometimes golden, which I know meant, "GoldenLady, tell me later." :-)
|
|
Name:
YLawdY
Comment: Silence is golden. So THAT'S why he grunts at me when Sports Center is on. CTFU
|
|
Name:
JamerDelta
Comment: I think the moral of the story is that this is good general information, but the best thing to do is treat each other as individuals and that's where you'll understand what your specific mate wants from you. For example, I'm usually the one saying shhh when SportsCenter is on!!! IJA, your list was quite funny!
|
|
Name:
bigheadbull2
Comment: Silence is golden so it is said, but too much silence can %*$! up your head.LOL
|
|
Name:
dani
Comment: I agree with whomever said - same old shat - different day. Especially that toilet seat comment- please.
If men really wanted a woman to act like the things on that list, they would be with men..LOL!
|
|
Name:
cinnamonqueen
Comment: These comments just show how different we all are as individuals are, not men and women, but just people. I thought article was entertaining. I didn't have problem with his comments, because I understand all men and women are so different. Men sometimes complain that I act like a man. (that's a generalization from them) That usually mean they can't get me to act the way they think I should, or maybe I'm not as emotional or whatever, who knows? I don't care
|
|
Name:
Priceless
Comment: *growling* hey woman get me a beer *scratching nuts* aaahhh I like a manly man ... LOL!
|
|
Name:
Priceless
Comment: well lookie here ... Lolly forgave Mr. Daryl and came back to the fold ... CTFU! ... welcome back my onion
|
|
Name:
JamerDelta
Comment: Priceless, you are so funny! I knew someone would say something about that!
|
|
Name:
MsSerendipity
Comment: Wow Darryl. I am trying to understand your point in writing an article that cuts both ways. And if those items can all be easily said by a woman then what is your point? I don't particularly care for your slant on this but because I believe in freedom of speech completely I am going to bow out gracefull, otherwise I would have to cut you down at the knees! :)
|
|
Name:
MsSerendipity
Comment: BTW Darryl what is your ism??
|
|
Name:
Lolly
Comment: Y'all ain't right! lol *spitting water on computer laughing so hard* It's the hormones making me sentimental and forgiving. I'll go back to being my normal closeminded, ultra sensitive self once I deliver our bundle in 6 months! lol!! :o)
|
|
Name:
Priceless
Comment: Jamer, and why not let that person be me *snicker*
|
|
Name:
Priceless
Comment: Lolly, congrats on that load you carrying *smirk* your hormones are likely to condemn Mr. Daryl again by bout month 8 or so ... LOL
|
|
Name:
JamerDelta
Comment: Congratulations Lolly!
|
|
Name:
amethyst
Comment: I agree with Golden Lady that the list is a good conversation piece. One thing I've read in Darryl's columns is that we shouldn't generalize or azzume that all men or women are alike. So, don't take his points as laws, they are his opinions and perspectives, and there is some truth to them. My favorite is #9. Although the example used is about weight, the statement is about women being ready for any answer. I've heard several men state that when they are honest, some women don't listen, they get hurt, or they don't believe them.
|
|
Name:
MsSerendipity
Comment: Amythest you are so right. I lost my senses for a moment because I was thinking "ALL" and Mr. James certainly cannot speal to the feelings of ALL MEN and CERTAINLY not the minds of ALL women. It's interesting but it really has been done to death and here we go again. Chalk it up to estrogen *smile*!!!! Still Darryl whats your isms??? SERENDIPITY<----curious
|
|
Name:
Kofi
Comment: DJ is an excellent writer. What this column indicates is that he has not been on the planet long enough around women. Men and women although the same species are wired completely differently. I would not want to be more like a woman nor would I want them to become more masculine. Those things that sometimes drive us men crazy are the same things that make women so beautiful and sexy. Its a package deal. You don't get one without the other. When a woman ask you "do you think Im fat" she is asking for validation despite her weight gain. When listening to anyone discuss a problem, it is a good thing to listen and reflect. You get sooo much more information by simply listening. She will sit through 3 hours of men hitting a ball or each other in a game she may not fully understand just to be with you. We can sit through an hour of sex in the city. I do draw the line at shopping though. The list is written from a male perspective and hopefully provides some insights. It tells you alot about what we don't understand as well
|
|
Name:
MsSerendipity
Comment: Kofi
How lovely, kind and considerate!
|
|
Name:
McNasty
Comment: Ohh Kofi - be still my heart. I knew there were men that actually got it - good thing too that there are enough women that get it to continue making this relationship thing work for us whether as friends or as lovers.
|
|
Name:
SweetieDarlin
Comment: Hey LOLLY, Congratulations. Interesting article as usual and should spark many a good conversation. Silence is golden is a good one, as you can tell by my long azz posts, I'm very talky and try to watch it because everyone doesn't have to know my darn opinion about every blessed thing, however funny thing, when I don't talk my man is asking what's wrong LOL! As far as friends and lovers mixing, my man and I are totally cool with it, although we don't do it often (I do prefer hanging with my girls without the guys unless we're doing a party thing with husbands/man friends.) BTW not every woman has a girl friend that is some evil harpy sitting up talking about the man ain't ish and trying to break up relationships, that seems to mostly be in the movies and with underconfident women. A real woman will not let her girl go on and on with some nasty comments about her man, she doesn't really need her opinion because she is intelligent enough to have her own. Then again, I've always been blessed with really great friends who try to be fair and don't meddle (unless there is specifically a request for advice) But hey as it has already been said opinions are shaped by perspective. Again, Darryl your articles are always good to get a good convo started. KOFI---Thank you
|
|
Name:
Drooby98
Comment: Here's my top 10 from a woman's perspective.
1.I'm grown. Don't mess with me about cutting MY hair.
2.Fine. Don't let the seat down, but if I splash, that's your azz!
3.Have Playstation tournaments at your single friends house.
4.Act like you know your woman is fine with your receading hairline and pot belly.(Jay z and Be)
5.Learn me well enough to know when I need advice or just to be held.
6.If I don't get mine, head south immediately!
7.I won't "nag" If you would just do waht you promise to.
8.We like sexy too. Put some lotion on those ashy knees and azz.
9.Stop being an animal. If you see an attractive woman on t.v. don't grunt and growl in your woman's presence. You can comment on anothers beauty without being disrespectful.
10.Grow up and get a clue. Telling a woman you're not interested in a relationship then having sex with her does not work. Emotional attatchments and intimacy go hand in hand. If you want sex without relationship, hire a stripper or hooker. That's what they are for.
Bonus #11.
Get up and make me a ham snadwich after sex!!!!!!!!!!!
Happily married for almost 10 years.
|
|
Name:
DCGG
Comment: Drooby98 Girl I loved your post!!!!
|
|
Name:
Amethyst1
Comment: Mr. James, I don't normally read your column but, today, I'm glad that I did. Not only did I enjoy what you wrote, but I appreciated the blatant honesty. To me, truth is the gateway to change, and I can honestly say that this article helped to change my relationship with my new husband for the better. Thanks and take care.
|
| Back to Top |
| Click here to post your comments. |
| Back to the Article » Click Here |
|---|
...
