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Name: Selah

Comment: Maybe the two were friends and they've outgrown each other. If you're at different points in your life, and facing different circumstances, sometimes you grow apart.

Name: dcqt

Comment: I went through a similar sistuation recently, and I had to make the hard decision to cut my "friends" back, because they were never really there for me, and I don't regret doing it. Sometimes you just simply outgrow each other...

Name: Gemami

Comment: I can relate to this poster. Been there with two women. The first was a woman I practically grew up with so when we grew apart we had to redefine our friendship. Since she’s more a “sista” than a friend I had to accept the limitations in our friendship but know that we are still there for each on in new and different ways. Another woman is like the poster described of her friend, always calling me when she had man problems. After awhile I got tired of being her therapist – but instead of having a heart to heart I allowed the friendship to frizzle out. However, I do agree with AC, this poster should talk to her friend because I see the relationship more like my “sista-friend”.

Name: CILLA8192

Comment: I have the same problem I have this friend that iv'e known for 20 yrs and she calls me all the time when she and her man are fighting or she has problems with bills. Then I realized when I had a problem which are very unoften I called her to vent and she basically ignored me and was like oh well that's messed up well I have to go call me tomorrow. So I know to keep her at a distance I mean that's still my girl but I know who my true friends are. The ones that let you call them and vent and give you an honest and objective advice on the situation, and vise versa. I'd say to this young lady don't completely cut her off you guys have been friends to long but just keep her at a distance and let her know that if she is not willing to be the kind of friend to you that you are to her then you are going to be the kind of friend she is being selfish. Remember the golden rule. DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WANT DONE TO YOU.

Name: OSUN

Comment: I was in a situation similar to the poster. This individual was just narcissitic(sp?) and self absorbed. She has been that way since we were freshman in college. People have told her but she negated their comments. After 12 years of this I had enough and I chucked her. Some would say that I should have talked to her about it but I felt it was useless since others have had this conversation with her for years. So I dropped her with no notification and notice. I regret how I did it but I dont regret that I did it. After 26 years of this type of behavior she more than likely is not going to change.

Name: JamerDelta

Comment: OSUN, good point because most people don't want to change especially if its working for them. The trick is to identify who those people are, accept them for who they are and then choose if you want to stay in a relationship with them. I think its happened to all of us. But, once we know who a person is--especially if they resist making a change then its our fault if we keep expecting them to be like us or be like we want them to be. Just find the other people in your life who are interested in what's going on in your life as well as willing to share theirs. It doesn't mean those others aren't friends, but they are friends that you have different relationships with. Find others who can be confidants. The frustration comes in when we have unmet expectations and we try to make people into who they are not. Does it sound like I've been there--most definitely! I had to learn this over and over again until I got it. Much more fun now to just hang out with my hang out buddies and confide in my confidants and not trying to change anyone. The thing is to remain who you are. If you are compassionate and you still want to give advice and help them out then do so, and if you don't want to then don't. Don't let their behavior change yours. Everyone has a differnt role in different people's lives.

Name: dollbaby2

Comment: Every year instead of making a new year's resolution (never kept one anyway) I pray and ask God to remove from my circle those who are not truly my friends. Then I do not become shocked by those who dissappear whom I thought were my friends and those who stayed whom I myself didn't realize were truly my friends. I find that my true friends are not the ones whom I am around everyday, but are actually there when I need them and vise-versa. When we do come together, it is as if we never missed a day. I believe once this person sit back and evaluate what a true friend is and see if the person they wrote about meets the criteria or not, then they will see if they actually do have a friend, an acquaitance or just someone they knew for a long time.

Name: Priceless

Comment: AC, that was on point fo sho

Name: mayday

Comment: She should talk to her friend before she dismisses her. Some people simply do not recognize their flaws or when they are being insenstive. If she is truly a friend she will correct her behavior.

Name: MzTee

Comment: I think AC's advice is dead on. She should talk to her friend to let her know how she feels because her friend may not even be aware of how her behavior is affecting her friend. I certainly don't have a problem dropping a friend and have done so on several occasions. The first friend I dropped was my best friend, who I had known since 7th grade, and I admit I didn't handle that situation in the best possible manner. I learned from that and when it came time for me to drop two other friends, I talked to them first. When neither of their behavoirs changed, I realized it was time to move on. Do I regret my decisions to stop being friends with those people...channeling Whitney Houston -- Hell to the NAW!!! The people who are in my life NOW have shown themselves, through their actions and words, to be true friends. I don't see or talk to them all time, but when I do I know they are truly interested in me and my well-being and that's what is most important.

Name: ImJustAsking

Comment: I've met lots of people who can only talk about themselves and aren't interested in your life. I can associate with them but we can't really be friends. I guess talking to them about the behavior can be a good idea...but after the conversation how do you know that they are listening to you b/c they are a friend and they care or b/c they know you want them too and they have to listen in order for you to listen to them. All in all, I think it's better to not try to be close with people like that b/c you can't talk someone into 'caring' about your issues. Plus, who wants a friendship based on listening to each other's problems. That's a part of friendship it shouldn't be the foundation.

Name: Royale55

Comment: Cosign Osun-I dropped ole girl-not the best way to do it, but it had to be done.

Name: xavixavi

Comment: Imjustasking. what you mentioned is called modifying the behavior. when you tell someone they are doing something that "hurts" you, "friends" change their behavior. After awhile that change becomes ingrained and more natural. This change would never occur if they didn't see your point as valid, and care about your feelings. It's a good thing.

Name: xavixavi

Comment: Furthermore, Friendship is not just based on "listening to others problems", but that is what we do w/ close friends. We bounce ideas off of them, we vent, and comiserate. If a "friend" can't do that w/ you, then to me that diminishes the friendship, and they are more a hang out buddy.

Name: xavixavi

Comment: I've had that experience for like 10 years w/ someone I know, and some people just don't know how to be good friends. They can be selfish and totally about me. After I dropped the person, we didn't speak for over a year. I let them back in my life after a chance encounter, but now they are kept at a slight distance.

Name: dollbaby2

Comment: A friend must first show themself to be friendly. Like somone had responded earlier, if you tell someone that what they are doing is hurting you etc. and they do not stop doing it, then they are not your friend. A friend loves you and cares about you and vise-versa. Love is not selfish among other things.

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