EURweb.com - Black Entertainment | Black News | Urban News | Hip Hop News | Black Entertainment

Newsletter Sign-up:

News on Michael Jackson, 50 Cent, Beyonce & More

EURweb

Back to the Article » Click Here

Click here to post your comments.

Name: McNasty

Comment: Hang loose and see how he progresses. Of course you have to get those feelings in check but I have a feeling the longer you wait and watch the more you'll find to dislike.

Name: GoldenLady

Comment: And don't sleep with him.

Name: OSUN

Comment: Good Advice. At least she is just caught up in cute and not d!ck.

Name: CILLA8192

Comment: I agree get to know him more and see if he has any plans to get out of momma's house or is he just looking for a suga mama. Keep it locked up to because once you make that move you may get stuck. Like Madea says clank! clank! girl.

Name: LMK1

Comment: Maybe you could move into his mom's basement and just hang out with him....Tell your boss you can't work those long hours or go out of town. Yeah right! This guy is not a responsible person and really is not worth your time, I've seen plenty of women try and change a man and it never works out.....He's shown you his stripes already, kick rocks and move on down the road or dude will be driving your car while you're at work in a few months.

Name: ATLGirl

Comment: I don't provide my resume, etc. when I met a guy, but I'm in a similar circumstances as the letter writer. I would like to know from those who post here, especially men, what are your views on women dating men who on paper haven't accomplished as much? Men, do ever seriously approach a woman who is in a higher tax bracket? What types of outings do you take the lady to? How do you handle it?

Name: McNasty

Comment: Brothers are at a premium so we don't always have the luxury of throwing the baby out with the bathwater LMK1. If this cat doesn't act like he's gonna do any more than what he's doing sure, kick rocks but it's a new relationship and we don't know what happened that he's in this situation.

Name: 4462DG

Comment: Oh, boy, "completely fallen for" , "I really,really like him", halt-screech she knows what she in store for-yet she asks the obvious. Just because he says he wants to settle down, doesn't mean he's the one for you. A man with a child usually means baby mama drama!!!! He don't work full time, because he doesn't want to pay child support consistently-don't have sex with him, please!!!!! Keep your title of "Ms." for right now and find an gainfully employed man who can understand you have to work hard to make good money, this guy doesn't get it, because it's not his reality.

Name: lovelace

Comment: Baby Girl, don't do it. It sounds to me that old boy has been "looking" for you (not a part time job) which is why he wants to settle down. You've got it goin' on, he knows it, and so does his Mama! You're a real catch for both of them, b/c you can take him off her hands. Lil Sister, always remember that everything that looks good, ain't good for you! Keep it movin.'

Name: MzTee

Comment: AC's advice is on point. What is it about old boy that she likes so much? If she really BELIEVES she needs someone who can keep up with her, then old boy doesn't even fit the criteria. Nothing wrong with being friends and hanging out, but if she's looking at him as "husband" material, then she needs to take her time and dust off her Columbo trench coat and watch old boy's moves carefully. And whatever she does, keep those legs crossed and on lock down because if the dyck is all that, we'll be reading another letter from her to AC asking how can she remove him, his momma and his son from her house (LOL). And as ATLGIRL pointed out, many sisters make the mistake of giving out way too much financial information in the beginning. My cousin did that and old boy hooked her into purchasing a house with him, of course using her credit because his behind ain't paid taxes in 15 years. Eventually, she married old boy but she is the bread winner and he works when he can -- ain't that some ISHT. We women can save ourselves a lot of time, heartache, and money if we use our heads and do our homework first instead of allowing ourselves to be blinded by looks and sex.

Name: RAHRAH

Comment: I think you should be just friends with him for now. He needs to focus on getting a fulltime job and moving out of his mom's house.

Name: ImJustAsking

Comment: I laughed when I read this. I was just in a similar situation...the guy I was talking to doesn’t have a kid but he is 25 and still lives with his mom, while I on the other hand am doing it big on my own. What bothered me the most about him is that he has his bachelor’s degree but, not only does he have no idea what he wants to do with it, he’s not even THINKING about his future right now. When we met he was working part time at Best buy, but by the time I stopped talking to him he did have a full time job…as a cable installer. Right now the boy has no ambition. He’s not particularly lazy…but I think at that age, a lot of guys are content to just go out with their friends and as long as they have $20.00 in their pocket for some drinks they are happy. Personally, I couldn’t deal with it b/c we had nothing to talk about. My career, goals, financial decisions, worklife, and ambitions AND BILLS!! are a huge part of my life and I need someone I can discuss them with, a fully grown adult who can relate to that level of decisionmaking. Right now, the biggest thing on his mind is whether he’s going to party at Love or Platinum this weekend lol. I guess my question for the questioner would be, how is the conversation? That’s what kept me away from this guy.

Name: ImJustAsking

Comment: ATLgirl< those are good questions! I hope some men come on here and answer them. Often times, I feel bad when I date someone who's broke, b/c when they ask me where I want to go to eat or what I want to do, I am faced with a decision...do I tell him where I really like to eat and that I want to go to a play that costs upwards of 50.00 per ticket and deal with the fallout of whether he'll be ok with me offering to pay for my portion ( I'd rather pay for my portion of an expensive date then be dragged to another movie and chain restaurant) OR do I bite the bullet and settle for applebees. Much of this neither here nor there b/c at my age most guys want you to come to their place and watch a movie *throws up*

Name: queeniebunz

Comment: Here's what she should do - RUN! RUN, FORREST, RUN!!! DA-YUMMM!!!! My goodness what a hot negro mess. My favorite saying about men/women is that "men marry what is and women marry potential" or something like that. The point is that what you see is what you get. Don't count of him making some miraculous change into Super Black Man. It probably ain't gonna happen. It MIGHT happen but don't count on it and don't even hope for it. She needs to stay away from this loser. I called him a loser - yes, I did. No job + a child = loser. Run, Ms, RUN!!!!!!

Name: 4462DG

Comment: LOL!!!! ImJustAsking... true statement: "a lot of guys are content to just go out with their friends and as long as they have $20.00 in their pocket for some drinks they are happy." Add, not having any problems getting booty to that. Problem is some men don't feel they have to excell more, because to them, everything is gravy, why sweat and work harder for more. Wish more of our men had some 'get up and go'. But as long as they look cute and lay pipe properly, why improve?

Name: Angel

Comment: Ummm....he says he's ready to settle down, but he lives with his mom. WTF?!? Girl, sounds like this fool is running game. Any man worth anything that still lives at home should be saying that settling down is not on the horizon until they have been on their own and paid their own bills for at least a year. You definitely need to leave him on "friend status" until you've had time to see if he grows into a man or stays a boy with dreams of being a man.

Name: Priceless

Comment: any dude complaining about your career this early is a tosser *sucking teeth* he ain't even got a full time job that could possibly ever care for you so he should be glad that you handle yo own business the way you do ... he might need to work more to get the heyell out his momma's basement

Name: PositiveB

Comment: As a black man with a job, his own home, no kids, and in fact taking care of HIS parent, I do agree with much of the sentiments I've read. I often tell my female friends and relatives that a real MAN would be sick to his stomach having to depend on someone else to support them, and if you run across a man that is happy with being taken care of, RUN!!! I will say however be careful ladies not to dismiss a brother simply because he may not be "at your level" financial at this exact moment. Judge him more on his Character, and the steps he is taking (not talking about taking) to better himself. Don't toss out a potentially great mate only becase his bank account isn't phat TODAY!

Name: queeniebunz

Comment: >PositiveB - you are talking about what I will call "fairy tale bruthas". They wish a lot. "I wish I could get a good job" and "I wish I could finish school" and "I wish I could be a rapper/athlete/singer/actor" and "I wish I could start my own bidness" and they attach themselves to "doers" like the lady here. It's like on "Hustle and Flow" - some people walk and some people talk...LOL

Name: ImJustAsking

Comment: Not to say that there aren't lazy and unmotivated women...but one thing I hate, that I notice with A LOT of black men is that they twist the idea of entrepreneurship. I know a bunch of guys who say they don't have a job b/c they aren't tryna to "work for nobody." They never take into account that everybody works for somebody. Even if you own your own busines you still work for the client. Maybe it's just an excuse they use, but I've heard enough brothers say it that I think they really believe that it's better to not work then it is to work for someone else.

Name: 4462DG

Comment: True dat about lazy and unmotivated women, but at some point, you've got to do for yourself, looks can only go so far and as for sex, well when you get older, the competition tends to be younger. There's nothing worst than a miserable old person working cause they have to-because when they were young they didn't work long enough to put anything to a pension, 401K or the Social Security system.

Name: jboy

Comment: Flip the script: What if it was a 25 year oild woman living at home with a child, says she wants more for herself, etc. Would everyone be so quick to say ditch the loser? No...I'll bet most would be hoping that the brotha that has it going on will take her for his wife and start a family. JUST KIDDING!!! Of courese we all would. But wee're not talking about a styruggling young mother trying to make it, we're talkin' about one of those dime-a-dozen brothas that will spend the rest of their youth letting their mamas keep a roof over their head or finding some woman(like the writer)who has it going on and will keep a roof over their head, beer in the fridge, etc. till she gets tired of his triflin' @$$. Then it's back to mama's house till he finds the next sugar-mama. I've seen it a million times with members of my family (males that want to be taken care of and females that have their own places and every-other-year have a new live-in boyfriend that don't see anything wrong with living off of a woman). WAKE UP!!! If by some miracle a few years down the line that sponge does find that job he's been looking for (HA!) and does decide to become a grown man, go for him. Till thne, find yourself a man that already has grown up. You take this guy now, guess who's gonna have to finish raising him instead of his mama?

Name: jboy

Comment: One other thing--when I flipped the script I meant to add that even though he has a child, unlike a female his age with a child, I'll bet his child doesn't live with him and I'll bet he spends very little moeny toward the kid's upkeep. Again, I've seen this type brothat a million times. He'll have the latest fashions for himself 9gotta look good for the sugar-mamas...His looks are all he has going for him), but he probably gets his mama to help him buy shoes, etc. for HIS kid. Leave mama's boy where he belongs...WITH MAMA.

Name: Kofi

Comment: This is a quote from Steven Ivory's column. I think every woman here should read this: "You ought to see how your daughter gets treated out here, sir. I wouldn't send a dog out into the world in the unenlightened fashion in which you dispatched your own flesh and blood--vulnerable, callow with no real perception of what a good man is and thus no protection from a bad one." I think this sentiment captures 99% of the letters sent to AC. An indication of this man's character is how he treats his child. If I had children, I would do everything possible to make sure my baby is taken care of even if that meant working two or three fcked up jobs. As others have pointed out there is a double standard. If this were a woman in a similar situation, a man would not have written such a letter. One lesson I have always learned: Nothing from nothing leaves nothing. Translation: If one is not bringing anything to the table, we are not getting together. She may be cute w/ a nice butt but, if you have no potential or not fully realizing your potential, we have nothing to talk about. The reason this sistah wrote this letter is because that voice in her head is telling her something is very wrong. That voice is rarely wrong. She just needs to listen.

Name: queeniebunz

Comment: Flipping the script doesn't matter. If you are getting with someone because they have a coke and a big ___ (insert butt/penis) and nothing else you must ask yourself why you would accept that from a potential mate. I find that many men WANT someone like that because she will be dependent on him for everything and he can control her. Women may feel the same way but I doubt it. 4 yrs ago I was living with my daddy to save up for a condo (that I bought!) and for a minute I didn't have a job. I gleefully told this dude who was hitting on me that I was pushing 30, unemployed and living w/my daddy. He was like "I'll pay your bills. So when you wanna go out?" I was trying to get him to go away and it backfired on me. I just knew he was going to give me the big "L" ont he forehead for "loser" and keep moving but he didn't...There does seem to be a double standard...

Name: queeniebunz

Comment: So now we live together cuz he bought my condo for me and recently I made him get another job because I like to sit on the internet all day and play poker. I have to have enough money to write and shop and pay for my son who lives w/my baby-daddy. So now he has 3 jobs. I can't miss my daytime TV, can I? And I can't always depend on Macy's to have sales. And I have to be able to go to Ballys to maintain my "sexy". I hope he don't think I'ma have another baby for him...dang...I just pinched myself and woke up and turns out I'm not a golddigging baby-mama. Oh well...

Name: queeniebunz

Click here to post your comments.

Back to the Article » Click Here

...