Mon, Nov 23, 2009
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Name:
missgee
Comment: Who better to give opinions about this adoption process than those that experienced it.
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Name:
whatdat
Comment: Just an outstanding article! Those who have experienced it give insight that we could not get anywhere else.
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Name:
oldschoolbrother
Comment: MCHINJI, Malawi -- The father of the 13-month-old boy Madonna wants to make part of her family ridiculed human rights groups who have challenged how the adoption is being handled.
Yohane Banda said Wednesday he had entrusted his son to a Malawian orphanage after his wife died.
'Where were these people when David was struggling in the orphanage? These so-called human rights groups should leave my baby alone,' he said. 'As father I have OK'd this, I have no problem. The village has no problem.'
The Human Rights Consultative Committee launched a legal challenge, noting that Malawian regulations require prospective parents to stay with a child in Malawi for 18 to 24 months before adoption. Madonna, though, was allowed to take the boy to England.
Banda's wife, Marita, 28, died a week after giving birth to David. The couple, who had been married for over 10 years, had two other sons who died in infancy from malaria.
'I was alone with a baby. I had no money. I couldn't buy him milk. That's why I surrendered him to the orphanage,' said Banda.
The pop star, meanwhile, may be interested in adopting a girl, 3, from the same village, according to Britain's Daily Mail. "I looked at this child with questioning dark eyes and the saddest smile. I thought, 'She looks just like me,'" Madonna was quoted as saying.
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Name:
poeticlyspkng
Comment: As an adoptee, I thought this article was really deep and on point. It is hard enough for adoptees to manage identity when raised by the same race. I have met a few others who were raised by white families and were not in touch with their own culture at all. I noted this trend of white celebrities adopting african children, I wondered how this would impact the child later AND if they would find a way to include the childs culture when raising him/her. My guess is probably not, because they seem to like to raise black (and other races) children in a false, colorblind society failing to realize that society is not that way, not in the schools, not in the books, not anywhere except the four walls of their own home. Even that mirage disappears once the child is old enough to recognize that his image in the mirror is far different.
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Name:
star
Comment: People may have issues with inter race adoption, but I argue that there are many blacks, that are black, but have no sense of cultural pride or history. Exposure to all groups is idea. Madonna is well traveled and well connected and I'm sure she will expose her new child to all that's out there. Love is big, love is powerful, and love doesn't care about your color it's just an overwhelming feeling.
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Name:
pdub
Comment: I have to agree that this was a good article. It is rare to hear directly from those who experienced it, the potential issues surrounding inter-racial/cultural adoption. One of my best friends is a Black woman who was adopted by a white Jewish family. But what I love about them is that they made it a point to not separate her from her own culture. Too often this is not the case. And when you are dealing with removing a child from their homeland for the adoption, that is a totally different thing. I just hope Madonna will truly truly consider the separation anxiety that might arise down the road for this little boy from Malawi. And will help him to connect with his culture in some way.
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Name:
Southernbelle
Comment: Great article! I also enjoyed hearing about the experiences of other adoptees. Hopefully, Madonna will use her resources to provide this child with a diverse upbringing. But I'm sorry cultural identity is at the bottom of the list of children's needs. Madonna can provide this child with a home, medical care, education and etc. and I'm not saying that b/c she's rich. I would feel the same way for any good spirited individual who chooses to adopt.
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Name:
poeticlyspkng
Comment: Star, I agree with you regarding on some level but I can tell you that it helps to be raised among people who at least look like you. Exposure to all groups is ideal but how often does that happen? Often in those situations, exposure to all groups excludes ones own and that is the point of the article and the organization who are posing the questions. They have been there done that and they know what is missing. Well connected and well traveled does not mean you have black friends, asian friends, etc. And I'm talking "friend" as in has been over your house, more than once.
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Name:
Angel
Comment: Southernbelle - I'm with you. Cultural identity is just not a priority to me for a child starving or left for dead. It would be great if a family with the same cultural background adopts you, but there are plenty of kids in foster care, orphanages or group homes who NEVER get adopted. So is it better to spend your whole life without a family or learn to cope with a cultural identity issue?!? For the chick who is upset she couldn't speak cantonese--LEARN IT!! Dayum.
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Name:
Bertie
Comment: interesting article. My question is why Africa? There are plenty of black orphans in the united states--hundreds from Katrina alone. It just smacks of "great white hopism." Plus, in Madonna's case why not help the entire family of the kid she is trying to adopt so they can stay together as a family? It just seems like an african baby is the latest accessory in hollywood.
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Name:
DOne
Comment: I think the big issue with Modonna wasn't that she adopted a child, but that she bypassed the process. Part of the reason some groups were speaking out is because they don't want anyone with money simply going in and buying kids because that's going to lead to some negative situations such as kids being enslaved or abused. All adoptions are't positive.
As for the cultural identity part, I also think I should come in 2nd to a child having a healthy life, however it is important, and people should be aware of the issues. When I was in school I knew two guys who had been adopted by white parents. One was kinda funny, he turned out find, but the brotha had no ideal how to take of his hair or skin so he always looked a mess. I had to give him grooming tips.
the other one wasn't so funny, he was mixed raced and no one obviously never told his white parents that sometimes we get darker as we get older. He looked liked a little white baby, even at 1 or 2 he looked white, so they proceeded to raised him as white, well by the time he reached junior high he couldn't even pass. Now you have this kid in a all white neighborhood, who have never know any blk people, who consider himself to be wht and all of a certain, he's not and kids are commenting on it. Let me say, by the time college rolled around he was one screwed up brotha. Once he discovered his blackness, he became very militant and fellout with his father who cut him off financially.
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Name:
LMK1
Comment: IF cultural identity is one of the issues these children have to cross as they grow into adulthood, then so be it. It probably won't be the worst problem they have, the child's 2 siblings didn't make it past the age of 10. This child will have a chance that her siblings didn't have and I think that outweighs any social or cultural issues!
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Name:
Southernbelle
Comment: DOne>Great point. That was also one of my concerns. I'd hate to see any Tom, Dick or Harry walking away with kids legally. But these kids are already in a really bad situation. Many of them are victimized at birth. I just hope that children are not left to suffer b/c of beaucratic roadblocks. Yes, background checks should be performed, along with counseling and anything else that would minimize further exploitation. But growing up with some hangups about your racial identity is a small price to pay for a chance at a safe and productive life IMO.
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Name:
Angel
Comment: DOne - I agree. You definitely need to follow the proper process and do background checks on all families wanting to adopt. You don't want some perv adopting a little child just so he can have his own live-in sex slave. That should definitely be the top priority over everthing else. As for the kids having issues with cultural identity, I don't know a child who doesn't have SOME type of issue. That's a part of growing up. Kids feel awkward for a multitude of reasons. So long as the family is loving and caring, I think most other obstacles can be overcome.
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Name:
DOne
Comment: I agree, southernbelle and angel. In the end, we all go through stuff.
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Name:
beegirl
Comment: Angel, well said! I agree completely. I applaud any kind-hearted soul who wants to adopt, and I think it's great when they are willing to look past color. Besides, so many of our own kids in this country who are raised by black parents have cultural identity problems too (the archaic light vs. dark, wide vs. small nose bs we still deal with today). That woman in the article has known her entire life that she is Chinese. Why didn't she pick up a book, do research, take a Cantonese class? That is not her adoptive parents' fault that she didn't take initiative. Maybe she would have preferred that they would have left her on the doorstep instead. Somehow I doubt that.
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Name:
timmdogg
Comment: I thought this article was right on target. If you think this is not true look at Nicole Ritchie or The
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Name:
beegirl
Comment: I love when we get interesting articles like this to talk about. I love hearing everyone's views. It's better than yet another one about DMX or Beyonce!
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Name:
timmdogg
Comment: Rock and Tiger Woods! I think it is how strong the individual is. Some people can be adaptive to their enviroment and others can't cope with it. I think identities are something lots of peope struggle with on a daily basis, albeit black or white, period!
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Name:
NJBLKGUY
Comment: send the kids to a historically black college. that should help
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Name:
YLawdY
Comment: Everyone is so on point with this. The positives of having a home far outweigh the negatives of future cultural confusion. After careful vetting, anyone willing to provide a loving home to a child without one should be allowed to do so with our best wishes and prayers.
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Name:
SweetieDarlin
Comment: Great article, great comments. One of girlfriends is extremely concerned about this rash of white stars adopting african children, she feels that there is some hidden agenda, especially since there are children in the states that need adopting and with the money these stars have red tape would not be an issue even in the states. I do feel that adoption is good but the parents should make ever effort to preserve the culture and in the cases with the african adoptions, hopefully it won't just stop with one child, perhaps children from all over, including the states. I also think that blacks should get more involved in adoption, there are soooo many needy children here.
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Name:
Jdreamer
Comment: I agree with alot of the posts. It is great to be raised by folks that you share a cultural identity with. However, if these children have the option of a life of poverty vs. a quality of life offered to them by someone outside their race, what is the right option.
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Name:
rikyrah
Comment: I've always been of the belief that if we get a child into a loving home, and get them taught the basics of what a loving, supportive family life is, I'll be willing to gamble on therapy later to help the child with certain ' racial issues'. I don't minimize the difficulty of being Black in an all-White home...but you'll NEVER convince me that having Black kids raised in ' The System' is better for them than a loving White home.
NEVER.
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Name:
whatdat
Comment: Love does not look out for its own interest. The father could not take care of and feed the child. Love for that child would have dictated providing financial assistance so he could take care of the child. The amount of money that woman has spent on the adoption process, her flying back and forth a number of times, flying the child here, etc., etc., if given instead to the father probably would have provided a comfortable living for the child for years. Derek Luke is quietly going about doing something similar to that for an African girl in the movie that he just finished. What that singer is doing is selfish. She wants the baby even though making arrangement for the child in her environment is better. Most of the post here have misidentified self-centeredness for love. Love looks out for the best interest of others.
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