Sun, Nov 22, 2009
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Name:
NueNue
Comment: i didnt even know she was pregnant until yesterday...well congrats to her.
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Name:
g888
Comment: I'm sure I'll get heat for this but I don't care,in a time where we can get worked up over Don Imus speaking negatively about black women,if you're a celeb having another child out of wedlock that's cool,you can say it's none of my damn business,but whether they like it or not the famous are viewed differently by kids,yes it's up to parents to set examples for their kids,and that also includes the famous who are often parents themselves,a couple of weeks ago I saw how some people here talked about How Jamie Lynn Spears was so slutty,are we any less concerned about our own?
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Name:
McNasty
Comment: Good post G888!
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Name:
robijoa
Comment: Even though this is "after the fact" I'm glad to see Monica getting married with the man she's already had two kids by.
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Name:
GQ_Boo
Comment: Talk about your ghetto fabulous names ... wow!
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Name:
mstoastedalmond
Comment: G888, you're being a bit too judgemental. The sin is in the premarital sex which I'm sure you and almost everyone else in here is having. Whether she married her fiance prior to giving birth or not, the sin has already been committed. What sense does it make for people to rush and get married (to appease the likes of you) when they're not ready, only to divorce later? If you (or anyone else) consider her or Jamie Lynn sluts then what shall we call you? Just because someone is having sex before marraige but doesn't get pregnant doesn't make them any less of a sinner. Let's not judge others or throw stones but lets get our own house in order. You are not God, let him do his job. She was just blessed her with a healthy baby boy. Congrats Monica!
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Name:
thatbklyngirl
Comment: Glad the baby is healthy. Society as a whole doesn’t view marriage in high regards any more. Yes I’ve had premarital sex, but I’m no fool. I’ve been with my man forever, he’s wonderful with children, I know for a fact that he will be an amazing father. But and I’m not trying to have no child before I’m married. I’ve seen to many women (including my mother , which is why I’m so adamant about it) struggle on their own with out a legally committed partner. Now of course marriage aint no guarantee, but I’d rather take my chances with that ring than without it. That’s whats gonna work for me. From where I sit folks like Monica, Goldie Hawn, Halle, Mel B, these celebrity broads got money, so they gonna be aight. They aint have to run after no man to pay up for his share of RayRay’s childcare bills. But for the average sister spitting out two kids without having a better legal leg to stand no, is just a dumb move.
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Name:
McNasty
Comment: I guess when we learn the difference between judgement and stating one's own opinion (which we are all entitled to do) we'll be one step further than we are now. Not everyone agrees with reproducing outside the bonds of marriage (whether marriage is still popular or not) and we are free to express that. I didn't read anywhere in G888's post where a sin was even spoken of. I do read where another person is concerned about the image potrayed by yet another individual who has young eyes on her. We've gone too far thinking that anything goes and some of us tend to express it.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: Speak on it, g888. Monica has a nice voice, but she really needs to roll back on all of these out-of-wedlock births. It is not cute. And I guess you can give your child the father's last name legally now even if the parents aren't married.
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Name:
mstoastedalmond
Comment: Everyone is entitled to their opinion which is why I posted mine. I feel like marraige is sacred. I believe you marry someone because you love them and could not see yourself without them. I don't think that your decision to marry someone should be based on the fact that you have a child with that person or you're pregnant. I think that will only lead to divorce. Monica is a singer, thats her job. I don't feel that its her job to raise anyone else's child. That's a parent's responsibility. She may not even have the same views you have on marraige. And no, the previous post did not mention anything about sin. I brought it up because most people who feel as though you should not have children out of wedlock feel this way because of religious beliefs. And if that's the case, these judgemental (or opinionated people) should practice abstinence so that they set the best examples for their own children. You cant expect others to do things you are not willing to first do yourself. I mean if they are so concerned with image that is.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: In some instances, a legal leg doesn't help you much. I know a woman who unfortunately married a deadbeat. For years, they went through financial struggles, including foreclosures. At times, she worked two jobs to make ends meet. However, they were married for all of the good that it did her.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: Having children is about more than being able to provide for them financially. Is the father stable, educated, reliable, a solid provider, compassionate, a good role model?
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Name:
arkansasgirl
Comment: Whether the mother and father is married or not, a child is a blessing. So congrats to Monica and the baby's father.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: That's one of reasons why we are in such a mess as a community. Anything goes. And we can't blame the white man for our decision to routinely have children out of wedlock (often children that we can't financially or emotionally support).
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Name:
Southernbelle
Comment: Hell, until she applies for welfare it ain't my problem. Congrats Monica and family!
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Name:
shell72
Comment: gingerg, I couldn't agree with you more. We're not looking at how this affect the children in our communities. Raising a child is both a financial and emotional commitment. Just think how Snoop's illegitmate son's feel watching his half brothers and sister living with the dad everyday, while all he get is a check. Just look in our neighborhoods and see how many kids have the same daddy, but two or three different mamas. This is not about sin, this is about common sense. If a man loves you enough to have sex with and get you pregnant more than once, than his behind needs to put a ring on your finger before the second pops out. This goes to Tiny and TI, too.
Southerbelle, you may think it's not our problemn. Our community must stress the importance of a strong family unit
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Name:
thatbklyngirl
Comment: gingerg, I too have family members married to no good men, and your right the woman has to do double time. So it still comes back choosing, as you stated the charactheristics of responsible, mature individual. Women/men make some %*$! poor excuses in picking their mates. Its only compounded when you bring a child/ren into it. I would never encourage anyone to soley get married for an image or cause a child is involved. Clearly its should be because they want to build a life together. But its sad when we see everyday that these conversations aren't taking place long BEFORE kids are brought into world. Its rough holding it down on your own, hats off to single (and married)parents who inspite of the hardships make it work.
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Name:
thatbklyngirl
Comment: shell72, preach!
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Name:
Luke_Cage
Comment: Congrats to Monica and Rocko! -lol- All I can think about when I say dude's name is Eddie Murphy's Italian skit in RAW on the Italian guys screaming Go ROC-KO!! (Sylvester Stallone)
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Name:
Supal
Comment: Another baby momma
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Name:
Southernbelle
Comment: shell72, I agree. The rate of single parent households is of great concern to me. Especially in the black community. But I can't dictate someone elses life. Both of these folks are grown and taking care of their own kids. So that's why I say it's not my problem. If I could wish anything away it would be the demise of the black family, because I truly believe that's the root of all of our problems. All I can do is start with the woman in the mirror. That's why both of Southernbelle's kids were born in wedlock. Maybe one day Monica and her beau will do the same.
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Name:
dcdouglass01
Comment: Marriage is a different animal now than it was a generation or two ago. It's an institution that's been in decline for a lot of reasons, and it doesn't seem it will ever return to levels seen in our parents' time. So the question is, what do we do now, and especially when kids are involved? As a society we're still grappling with that (including me, the father of an eight-year-old who lives with his mom several states away), but morality speeches probably won't change things too much.
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Name:
LawdHvMrcy
Comment: I bet SandraRose was in the delivery room. She has a very unnatural obsession with Monica.
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Name:
McNasty
Comment: If you believe marriage is sacred you must know that reproducing is even more so and realistically marriage is supposed to come first. You stress more getting married for the right reasons to prevent diivorce as opposed to making the right decision for the right reason before you do any of it. While I realize it's the popular thing to do, that still doesn't make it right. Making the decision to reproduce should follow the same thought process that deciding to marry follows and it should be a well thought out decision. As for what her job is, we have a whole generation of kids that think nothing of doing what these performers are doing and I'm not sure what the parents are doing (except that they aren't all doing their job) that they don't step in and be the only role model for their own kids but that's how it is - just look around. Also, usually when people state opinions contrary to any situation it's a given that they didn't end up in the same situation.
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Name:
McNasty
Comment: Shell72 & Thatbklyngirl good posts!
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Name:
Mas90
Comment: I didn't know Monica & Rodney were Italian! Romello comes from Romulus and means citizen of Rome. I hope she knows how to cook spaghetti!
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Name:
Harleyquinn
Comment: PREACH GINGERG!!!!!!!!!!
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Name:
Stephanie
Comment: g888, you took the words right out of my mouth. What's cool about having kids out of wedlock? I speak from experience, the hardest job in the world is that of a single parent! Like Halle Berry and Nicole Richey. Its like they wanted to have a baby by any damn body. Does Halle really truly think that young, pretty white boy is going to be a loving devoted father? Hell, she probably paid him a lifetime salary just to inpregnate her. Everytime I see her, she just looks so desperate. Notice how every unwed celeb that gets pregnant is convieniently engaged but no marriage ever seems to take place!
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: Shell, I don't think the kids who live with Snoop are faring much better in terms of structure and values. He has plenty of money, but he's a poor excuse for a man.
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Name:
realuvbaby
Comment: g888 -- I think the issue with Jamie Lynn is that she is 16. Just prior to Jamie telling us she was pregnant, her mom was in the news because she was publishing a book on parenting. With Brittney's train wreck and a 16 year old pregnant, one would wonder how this Mom would be qualified to write a book on parenting with her two celebrity children running all out of control. News Flash, we all fall short of the Glory of God, so judge not. If you are having sex or had sex and you are not married you are a FORNICATOR. Sex is only for the marriage bed. So, how many fornicators in the house???
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Name:
g888
Comment: Stephanie,Mcnasty,gingerg southernbelle,dcdouglass,I am so relieved that you among others understood what I was saying,religious reasons were not a part of it,I was not advocating that anyone do what I was unwilling to do since some people feel they can make assumptions about what you do in your private life,and btw I didn't say that I called JLS a name,I certainly didn't say that everyone who has a child out of wedlock should get married because then I wouldn't be considering victims of rape,incest,and various situations,I see women who also make positive contributions to society in spite of doing it by themselves,although I have never met one woman who said that she was excited about doing it alone,from what I read Halle may have some misgivings since her companion is going to continue his modeling career in NY.and she does hers in Calif.What is interesting to me is how people can dog out Shakina if she has two kids by herself,because she doesn't have money,but if she had a platinum album,and was on the cover of Vibe people would just marvel.
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Name:
realuvbaby
Comment: And every marriage is not a happy one. A bad marriage where a parent is devalued and disrespected is not a good atmosphere to raise children up in. And where did this "romantic" idea about the black family come from anyway -- it never existed so it came from the books we read. I know a man and his wife who are married, but she sleeps upstairs and he sleeps downstairs. He creeps. She creeps. But they are together "for the children." The children cringe when someone shows them affection because they live in a household where there is no love between their married parents and they don't know how to respond to affection. They are also counting the days when they can leave the house, even contemplating going into the Army to get out of the house, so I say different strokes, for different folk. Don't worry, God will get us al
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Name:
realuvbaby
Comment: As a single parent, I'm not advocating it, just because I am one. I just understand the dynamics of it; why it happens and how. I know it's a death knell for the black family, but I don't see it stopping anytime soon. Yes it's a struggle, but my daughter is doing fine. She is an A+ student; folk are always asking to take her places and she's a good girl who loves the Lord. Our church even recognizes this phenomena in the community and has formed a Single Parents Ministry to address some of the issues of single parenting. I do not know what my life would be without her. It's overwhelming for both of us sometimes, but at the end of the day, we do just fine and love each other very much. We also love her father, but some things just can't work out. Another thing, like the weather, that we can talk about all day long, but can't do anything about it. People use their free will to do all sorts of things. It's not just our problem; because it's us, it's just more magnified.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: There are a lot of people out here fronting for many reasons these days (i.e., to keep the mortgage paid, to maintain social appearances, to drive a certain car) and going home and living in hell while their kids are forced to watch. It's not worth it.
My mom is in her fourth marriage and it is a bad one. She's stuck because she married a man who is 20 years plus her senior, partially, to get her house paid off early. She leaves for work at 6:30 a.m. and comes back at 8:00 p.m. or later because she doesn't want to be in the home (with him) that she so desperately wanted to pay off.
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Name:
realuvbaby
Comment: > dcdouglass01 -- Marriage is different because the man and the woman is not depending on each other for SURVIVAL any more. When a woman married, a man usually asked for her hand from that woman's father -- letting the father know that he could provide for his daughter as well as the father could. So the father had to give his blessings. Now, with women providing economic support for themselves, the man's role in her life has changed. She needs more than a provider now because she can provide for herself. Many times a man is so busy providing, he's not able to be a friend, a lover, have compassion and empathy. Sure I made the decision to be an unwed mother. Rather be an unwed mother than be a devalued, disrespected and unloved, wife who's cheated on otherwise invalidated on a constant basis. Now I'm an overwhelmed Mommy, but the joy my child brings me . . . priceless. Would I rather be married? Yes, but her father and I love each other but we just cannot live together. Now, if I have brought shame to the black community, I'm so sorry.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: That's cool for you. Everybody's situation is different. At the end of the day, a person has to do what is best for him/her, but I still say that we all have to make better choices about whom to get involved with and/or have children by. It is not just our future that needs to be taken into consideration. As a people, we have just gotten downright reckless and it is helping to undermine all of our past gains.
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Name:
shell72
Comment: gingerg, Yet Snoop's kids get the benefits of being in a home with both parents. While we all talk about personal experiences, we don't talk honestly about kids born in marriages have it better than kids born outside of marriages. I know this from personal experience. I have uncles who have had 'outside children' who never have 10% of what my cousins received growing up.
Realuvbaby, I became a single mother before and after my divorce. I married my child's father and had another within our marriage. After my divorce I get regular child support, proceeds from the sale of my house, & spousal support. Plus, my girls see their father regularly and he is always just a phone call away. He still comes to every school function. The women I know who had babies by 'their man' can't get one red cent and sees them once every blue moon.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: I agree with you on the benefits part, but I caught part of Snoop's reality show recently. He's disgusting and behaves more like a 12-year-old than a grown man. How can someone like that teach a boy to be a man or a girl to be a young lady. Cussing around them all the time, walking around looking slouchy and barely able to speak proper English?
Most of the women in my family (single mothers or otherwise) chose men who had/have nothing. In some cases, it is 40 year plus marriages. In others, it is several years, but the end result in the same. The women have to work very hard and do more than their fare share in terms of serving as co-provider. Otherwise, things would fall apart.
Spousal support and proceeds from the sale of the house? I have an uncle who has lived with his mistress for over 10 years. His wife had a very good job with benefits, retirement plan and she paid the mortgage because he likes to run women (outside children by multiple women whom he doesn't support) and play the horses.
Anyway, she finally decided to divorce him a few year ago. He got an attorney and she's now paying him spousal support, he will get his cut when she retires and she'll have to divide the proceeds from the sale of the house if she moves. She was even arrested for missing payments several months ago.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: Realluv, why you want to bring up fornication?
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Name:
realuvbaby
Comment: gingergg -- cuz that's how babies are made.
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Name:
dcdouglass01
Comment: Having children within the confines of marriage is the ideal, but again marriage is no where near as common as it once was. And people express their selfishness much more easily and quickly now as well, which says to me marriage won't be making a comeback anytime soon. So instead of crying about that, I think a better plan of attack is how do we as a society (and us specifically as a community) better care for our children? Can't pass a law saying you can't have a baby unless you're married because in that case the Black population would quickly decrease. So what kind of ideas can come out of that African proverbial thinking that "it takes a village"? I think more energy in this direction would be much better than the more common philosophy of pitting the baby's mama against the baby's daddy.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: Building nuturing communities one household, block and street at a time. Truly caring about one another. When I was growing up, we had an elderly live in babysitter. She took very good care of us and was more like a grandmother. The next door neighbor kept my sister and I in line, too. It was like having another aunt.
In doing so, we can avoid situations like the one in Washington where a woman reportedly killed her four daughters and they were dead in the apartment for weeks. Folks smelled something, but no one came to help. The family asked for food stamps, but they were denied. When I was coming up, nobody in the community had much, but it wasn't uncommon for the neighbor or anyone else to pick up something extra if they knew you or your kids were in need. Today, folks are more concerned about keeping their hair and nails did.
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Name:
realuvbaby
Comment: gingergg -- I am the poster child for women making better choices. Look up "you shoulda made better choices" and you will see my picture. Even at the ripe old age of 41, I made one in my mate, being naive. BUT, I found out afterwards [long story]. There are consequences, which I am paying for dearly. But all in all my children and I are happy [yes, I've got a son from when I was MARRIED but the marriage didn't last] are some wonderful people whom I would like even if they were not my children. They are just good people. The children's caregivers say they would keep 100 children if they were like my children. Wanting everyone to be in a net lil family is just not realistic, in my humble opinion. Different strokes for different folks. However, I do believe God has a purpose for both children being here, the one born in wedlock and the one born out of wedlock.
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Name:
shell72
Comment: I worked on Wall Street for years. White women know the 10 year marriage rule by heart. If you're married to someone for tens or more you get retirement, pension, and insurance,etec. You are more likely to get college and private school tuition if you have a good divorce lawyer. That's why made sure I got my divorce after 9.5 years. I have build up a large Investment portfolio and he is just a regular hard working brother. My main point is lot of us as Black women and men are looking at the overall picture. The lack of marriage is our community speak volumes about our concept of relationship and love. If we don't show the young kids what loves about, how are they suppose to learn. Real love means I love this woman enough to bring a child in the world together. And if we break up I'm still gonna have enough for her to take care of our child.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: Then we need to expand our definition of family, but make sure that it has core principles like values, respect, nurturing and support. Much of the dysfunction that we see stems from situations where people had children that they could not afford and then kept having them. For them, parenting was limited to providing food, clothing and shelter. As we both know, kids need and deserve so much more. In some cases, that can be provided by one parent. In others, it definitely takes two QUALITY people.
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Name:
shell72
Comment: I just want stories like Banita Jack, the woman who allegedly killed her four daughters in DC to be taken seriously. She had got two child support orders from two of her babies's father, but neither paid her one red cent. I can't imagine why she did it, but this woman was about to be evicted and her utilities were cut off. Being a single mother is no joke, especially if the father is around. Everything falls on the woman's shoulder. I had one baby out of wedlock and Lord knows I never want to do that again.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: You right, Shell. I have at least 10 cousins who have gone through the same thing - many more than once. I'm talking about folks who literally raised their children on welfare and then saw their children go on welfare. It was just a given that the father wouldn't be able to provide because he didn't have anything from the get go.
I feel for Banita Jack because she had to be in such deep pain. Any real mother/father wants to provide for their children. I read that she told police that the kids died in their sleep. What if the resources aren't there, yet, you're still supposed to be superwoman and somehow manage to make ends meet anyhow, especially if you are a sister? Folks think we shouldn't have the luxury of just getting tired or not being able to carry the entire load all the time.
And I'll bet the daddy will show up at the funeral clowning.
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Name:
TesticAl
Comment: Damn, I was going to come in here to say congrats but DAMN HOMEY! Nig-gers are preachers in here! Carry on.
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Name:
Closet_Nerd_Girl
Comment: >gingerg I am so glad you brought up Banita Jack. It seems to me that that media and some of us are ready to demonize this woman. Yet there was sympathy for Carla Yates, the married white woman who drowned her FIVE kids in the bathtub in Texas. Just like Carla, Banita is unstable and needs help. Just like Carla, Banita "broke" under the pressure and her children, they very things she loved the most, had to pay for it. In Carla's case, it was her crazy husband who kept impregnating her and did nothing to help with the kids (in addition to her being a little looney). In Banita's case, it was the LACK of help from her childrens' father(s) that contributed to her situation. I just hope the media and people remember Carla and are not too hard on Banita.
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Name:
gingerg
Comment: Closet, we are quick to call people crazy and talk about how they should have responded to a situation, but what do you do when four growing children are relying on you for support, food, shelter, clothing, love and you just don't have it to give. Also, I've never understood how a man could go to sleep at night not knowing whether his children were cared for or not. If these men show up at the funeral performing, somebody should beat their azz.
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Name:
thatbklyngirl
Comment: I rarely watch thenews so I didn't know about this story about this Banita Jack. But I really don't feel any sympathy for her or Carla, causet it still goes back to personal responsiblity. You had one kid, daddy aint doing right, so you a 2nd okay, but then you STILL have a 3rd a 4th. I mean really, at what point are you like ENOUGH. I'm sorry my tolerance/sympathy level is low. Having a child or not having a child can be regulated.
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Name:
FineBrown
Comment: Congratulations Monica - Best Wishes to you and your family!
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