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Name: McNasty

Comment: The mystery was gone! Had she kept her panties on he may still be around. Contrary to what some women think a man will/can only do what you allow and some of them think if you're givin' it up on the first or second date that you aren't about much even though they participated. A man will think more of you for saying no in the first couple of weeks/months erry time! By the time you get skin to skin it's because you're feeling each other - you know each other better and there is no sex better than that in the world!

Name: TheQuietGuy

Comment: I hate to sound negative but chalk this up as a loss because dude got what he wanted and now he does not want to be bothered.

Name: jazzfan

Comment: >To the writer: I've got, um, 15 or 20 minutes if you want to get to know me! ;o)

Name: CrazzeeGyrl

Comment: When, when, when, will some ladies learn that having sex too soon will not keep them around. Why is it so easy to give it up? If that's all you want then state that up front and keep moving. Don't expect him to hang around if that is the only thing you have to offer.

Name: Kofi

Comment: It really doesnt matter when they had sex. They are both adults. Using sex as a bargining chip or having sex at some pre-determined time is a major turn off. It is possible that he found her too clingy. The sex was a bonus but, it appears that he did not like the person and did not know how to tell her.

Name: Janine

Comment: He is probably married.

Name: PRDC

Comment: He sounds as if he's on the DL....sex is sex and that's it. It's what you go in with. She made him feel that he was that and a peppermint paddie and his head got big. She should have acted like it never happened, then he'll be thinking, I most was not all of that. Its waht you make of it. Some first nighter last a life time and some don't, that's life. I feel that if sex is what she needed and wanted at the time and he seem to be a willing and likeable party, then go for it. If he doesn't call me, guess what...he will never hear from me either and if I saw him on the street, it would be as if I have never seen him. Ladies don't think you are low because you might have had sex on a first or second, third or fourth date...it is what it is. Just make sure he uses something in case the brotha is rocking with men too...and by the sounds of this story...he is.....

Name: MzTee

Comment: Good lawd...when are these women going to learn. She knew there was no hope as she sat down and composed this letter to AC. Don't waste any more of your time, sis. Keep it moving and most importantly keep them panties on until y'all both decide you're in a monogamous committed relationship.

Name: MzTee

Comment: PRDC...please tell me how you concluded old boy 'might' be on the DL based on what old girl wrote. What about her story leads you to believe this?

Name: McNasty

Comment: PRDC what you're saying basically is that it's okay to sleep with strangers before you find out who they are and if their medical papers are up to date! Women who sex strangers before he even finds out your colors are sluts, no if ands or buts about it. It's classless and low rent to be showing somebody your panties and you don't even know their middle name. It is what it is? so is AIDS! Its also a judgement on your part to have come up with that dl jazz. You need to quit drinking or at the very least step into reality.

Name: Disillusioned_Jones

Comment: I'm co-signing with McNasty on this one. I didn't see anything in the letter that would lead me to believe dude was on the DL. If anything Janine's theory of the dude being married is a more likely possibility. What I do know and speaking from personal experience is that getting the puddy that quick takes the edge of the pursuit. There is a thrill in the chase and if that's taken away by the catch giving in so soon the interest is lost. The longer she could've held out the better her chances would've been to perhaps learn about the gentleman and decide if this was going to be a relationship thing or a sex thing. She chose the sex and got the "L"...

Name: queeniebunz

Comment: >McNasty - (I'm late on this cuz I was out of town and really too busy w/nieces/nephew to get online.) Anyway, I disagree with calling somebody a slut for sex on the first date. There are reasons for that - she could be desperate and feel that all she has to offer is the booty. In that case I tend to feel sympathy for her and not contempt. She could've just been feeling him and wanted to get physical. I think the days are gone of calling out women for this and patting guys on the back. I know they are for me. I agree with others above - if you're gonna do that, keep moving. If he calls you the next day, etc. - cool. If not, you know that all he was into was the booty. I'll say this - I'd rather find out after 2 dates that he only wanted the panties than after 2 months. Time is too valuable. I've never had sex on the first/second date but I may if I was really attracted to a guy. And I would do it with the full understanding that it is just sex and only sex. I guess that's why I have never done that. I can't separate the two very well. I dated a guy I call "Terry 2 Dates" because he expected sex after wining and dining me for 2 dates. When I didn't, he started flirting w/a good friend of mine at the time. After talking to her and having a major laugh about ole boy, I was glad I didn't because he damned near bit her nipples off when they hit it. She said, and I quote, "he was BRUTAL!" Why did she and I stay friends? Because he was fluff/a jump off/insignificant and we were really cool. It wasn't really a betrayal because 1) she didn't know he and I had been on the measley 2 dates and 2) I didn't fall for the okey-doke so my feelings weren't really involved.

Name: Exmun

Comment: "If it’s too early for a relationship, it’s too early for sex." Words to live by AC. I'm not sure I can go there saying that someone who has sex on a first or second date is a slut, especially if you don't include the man in that same judgment... sounds 40 years ago to me. What I do think having sex so early in a dating arrangement shows is bad judgment. Clearly she wanted more... or at least the chance to see if the arrangement would lead to a relationship. But the sex got in the way. Bad judgment. Bad move. Keep it moving. If he were interested, he woulda called. I personally don't know any women who can have casual sex and not be either 1) emotionally involved (voluntarily or involuntarily), 2) emotionally confused or 3) screwed up mentally. In my experience, few women can separate the relationship from the sex... so AC's advice seems to make a lot of sense: "If it’s too early for a relationship, it’s too early for sex."

Name: ECSUVking

Comment: AC is right if its too early for a relationship, its too early for sex... truer words have not been spoken. What I think happened is that the lady in question, got confused by the online thing. She spent all this time emailing and IM'ing the guy and she felt like she knew him better than she did, hence the sex too soon scenario. I also agree that we shouldn't call her a slut, she showed poor judgement in this case, but that shouldn't be a reason to brand her with the scarlett S.

Name: allaboutlydia

Comment: AC's advice was on point. I'd like to add and I know this is not popular but I will say it anyway.. God is right.. don't have sex until you're married. The bottom line is all sex when it's outside of marriage is wrong.

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