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Name: HarrisThomas

Comment: thank you for this note, Darryl, because it reminds us that while we have to move through disrespect/indignity challenges, the final result is as much about how we handle these types of challenges as the fact that many of the challenges happen simply because we exist . . . . . "I am told to "calm down," or to "take it easy," when I am generally not upset or angry": a memorable "why me" happened on a day when I had a sore throat and could not speak above a whisper . . . . . I was attempting to buy shoes in a store where a white female customer was passionately screaming at the white store manager and the manager couldn't get the lady to be more civil or to leave the store, so the manager left the store and the woman followed her . . . . . while I was being rung up for my purchase, the transaction was handled poorly and I quietly but respectfully objected with my sore throat making it extremely difficult to speak at all . . . . . the black male who was handling my sale told me to stop screaming at him or he would call security [he must have detected disrespect in my whispered objections] . . . . I told him to call security and I would sit and wait but while I waited, I wanted my transaction canceled . . . . . he did not call security and when I arrived at home, I wrote a one-page letter to corporate headquarters to complain about both incidents in their store (no rants) . . . . . in response, I received a coupon for a future purchase which I destroyed and I no longer shop at that store . . . . . I don't accept the indignities and the disrespect that we heap on each other while realizing that it's not our imaginations about the disrespect and the indignities that blacks and whites (everyday people) do at any given time . . . . . life is about choices and I choose to see balance because I experience bad and good behaviors, choose to forgive, choose to move on, and choose mindful acts of affirming civil behavior because I can't walk around with a chip on my spiritual shoulder or bad attitude in the natural world . . . . . I think it was last week that I posted a desire to punch a EURian in the throat and stomp his balls: I didn't think that there was disrespect in that instance because of the individual's provocative posts - my response felt good and it released my anger; I'm just saying it gets like that sometimes

Name: B00TANEB00TUS

Comment: ...I really hate that "calm down" sh1t...You could sitting down in a non threatening position and the White dude can be standing up screaming, yelling and he's telling you to calm down...If it's more than one of them, it seems like they're in a race to see which one can tell you to "calm-down" first...I was involved in a fender bender. I was hit from behind...The White dude was running 'round cursing, screaming...I'm sitting in my car...When the cop arrives, he tells me to calm down...I'm like WTF?...I've recently noticed that recent immigrants are quick to tell Black folks to calm down...They do that sh1t when they're losing an argument...Some figure that Black folks are too stupid to engage them in a arguement and win...One thing I've taken from Farakhan is to simply smile and cut 'em to pieces...

Name: TGen

Comment: Wow, talk about timely. I JUST had a convo about this the other day with a co-worker. I can't co-sign this article more. So right about how "we" are prejudged, rarely given the benefit of the doubt, seems the worst is always thought first. I do wonder though if it's just how "we" feel because we're on the inside, on the receiving end of the "smile, calm down, don't look so mean, don't look so hostile, be more approachable, don't be so aggressive" azzumptions, or if we would feel like the "outsiders" were we on the outside. In other words, do Blacks really give off an air of hostility? Can we just not see it, or do we feel it, and just not know that others can see it or what? This is curious to me. I don't know the answer, but I just to have to give props to you for giving voice to this phenomenon. It is a brain twister for sure.

Name: blackdragon

Comment: Nice. Very nice.

Name: JamerDelta

Comment: ...and this is why TGEN, that Obama has to approach things the way he does--if he wants to win...you just said it yourself. LOL..

Name: DarrylJames

Comment: Okay, I finally figured out why TGens posts are so antagonistic and ignorant--contrary for the sake of being contrary--this is a white person. Who else BUT someone white would wonder whether Blacks really are hostile, when data shows that more violent crimes are created by whites? I guess we were even being hostile when whites were rolling around stringing us up and burning us. I get it now TGen...

Name: musbdherbs

Comment: *scratching head* DJ, in reading TGEn's post, she acknowledged that we are rarely given the benefit of the doubt, questioned whether because of past acts against us are we justly prediposed to seeing things as adverse against us, AND do we give off an air of hostility. IMO, all of those are valid questions posed in an intellectual discourse. I'm not sure how you saw that not just differently, but completely so. One thing factual is that WE do give off an air of hostility. Check our responses w/customer service and our brothas on the street w/their menacing looks AT EACH OTHER. Hell, I always make a point to speak to brothas despite the menacing look. Many times they speak..sometimes they don't at all.

Name: queeniebunz

Comment: I have a different prejudice aimed at me - usually by other black women. I have a gentle, innocent "soft" look, I guess and I look younger than I am. For that reason, I get sistas who come at me and expect me to let them run me over. I've been called a "Black Barbie" = pretty but dumb looking, I guess. I'm anything but dumb but they don't know that by looking at me. I don't have my IQ stamped on my forehead. I get sistas who come at me hard and wrong and expect me to fold like a Becky would. When I buck back they're surprised. Over the years I've kind of let stuff roll off because I just don't like confrontation and I always figured that it just wasn't worth it to cause a big fuss over somebody being petty. I was raised to just go along to get along. I was one of those "that's what I was thinking" types who never said anything in response to some really wrong sh*t said to me. After awhile, I got tired of being run over by the "strong black woman" bus. Now, I still do choose my battles but every now and again when another sista challenges me, I come back hard and shock the sh*t outta her. The look on her face when her challenge is met is usually priceless. "No this lil black Barbie-lookin b---- didn't just say that" is all over her face and it's HILARIOUS. So it's very correct that blacks do it to each other a lot and it's really f---ed up but it happens. I have always followed the philosophy that it takes more strength to refrain from foolishness and I still believe that but sometimes you have to stand up to people in their way, using their language to make them understand that you won't be walked on. I don't ever like to do it but sometimes I just have to. I don't get this attitude from white women.

Name: DarrylJames

Comment: Okay, Herbs--I Stand Corrected. I actually misread TGen's post.

Name: SweetieDarlin

Comment: I often get the 'smile, it's not that bad thing' from people who say they can'read' people, then when I ask why should I walk around smiling all day (I mean does anyone walk around smiling all day?) I get accused of having a bad day, then I'm thinking at least I didn't call you an idiot for such a dumb azz remark. This I get from black people. Much is made about reading people by their expression which is rather foolish no matter who is doing it,a 'mean' facial expressions may simply mean a person is deep in thought instead of angry etc. I used to get it a lot in the 80s an 90s from white folks and figured because I'm a big tall girl they were expecting some kind of sassy woman routine, which I refuse to do, I ain't mammy, I have no wisecrack that begin with ' Chile please...', I ain't the woman offering sage advice to whitefolks or what ever else 'sassy' women do. While I don't necessarily joke and play around just because other people want to, doesn't mean I have an attitude simply I don't feel as a adult I'm entitled to my own thoughts and ideas including the topics I chose to comment on or what I find funny, and since I make it a point not to be disrespectful what's the problem. As of late black folks have come up with the same silly habit. I would rather think that your expression isn't all about me and go ahead and approach (hey if I'm wrong long as you don't swing at me we're cool) then mis-read. I guess I'll have to do better wearing the mask of placid and complacent. TGEN> After all that I said, I will admit many of us do look mean and mad but again, I don't take it as 'face' value (hey a play on words LOL)

Name: TGen

Comment: SweetieDarlin, I'm inclined to agree with you (and Darryl, even though he can't seem to grasp that concept, lol), I think the onus falls more on others to not prejudge than it does on those who might have a visage that they might think is "wrong" or "inappropriate" or whatever. I sooo feel you on the "should I just walk around smiling all the time" like a clown? lol I think "they" would answer "YES, Black people, you should!" lol Apparently, you have to play the game (esp in corporate America) else your growth [esp in career] is stunted. Just another burden for Black folks to carry. Beat us down [yes "US" Darryl, I'm not White, lol], but expect us to smile in your face anyway. *Sigh*

Name: MrsPhoenix

Comment: Yet another, wonderful example of Bro. Darryl taking correction in a humble spirit! Now the haters (MelodyCool & Co.) can go HATE somewhere else!

Name: adifferentpath

Comment: I feel you D.

Name: adifferentpath

Comment: sweetieD, I SO agree! I'm like dayum! if I was walking around smiling, then folks are like, "why you smiling?!" -with the same attitude as why am I looking so sad, it can't be that bad, etc." - either way, THEN I DO have an attitude. LOL. It's all good. I've also experienced some of what queenie is talking 'bout but hey! It's all good. I just check people when I feel like it. Other than that, I LOVE seeing the look on folks' faces, when they think they've read me and evidence proves them wrong. I DO however, experience this from white women - who think I'm supposed to be always happy and their bed warmer. We're human, with moods. Dang.

Name: MzTee

Comment: Although, it's a repeat -- good article nonetheless.

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