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For many, feminism only refers to the goal of equal pay for equal work. Others who are closer to it realize that it means much more, including being treated as equals to men and being given equal access.However, there are other goals of the radical feminist also known as a “Feminatzi.”
First, let me clear. I love Black women. I have strong relationships with the women in my family and with my female friends. I refuse to date outside of the race because I am committed to Black women.
Yet, Feminatzis are quick to claim that I hate women because I don’t agree with everything that feminism teaches. These ignorant women hurl these labels at me even though they have never met me and know little about me.
There is nearly no understanding across the gender lines when the woman is a radical feminist and the man is aware of himself and the world around him.
For the radical feminist, there can never be any blame for the woman—it is always about sexism, without a care for what happens to men or how men actually feel. Attempts to offer clarity garner accusations of blaming the victim.
The radical feminist doesn't want to hear anything that detracts from her anti-man/pro-woman propaganda, but the reality is that women can be pro-woman without being anti-man.
For the radical feminist, things have gotten so bad between the genders simply because men are no good. However, unless men agree that we are doing worse things to women than ever before, the radical feminists will have to explain how we got to the point where the good men are now hard to find and they are now afraid of strong women.
Radical feminism is failing because it is dogmatic.
There is no negotiating with a radical feminist, because if you disagree with her, you are labeled a misogynist.
Radical feminists are ostensibly more concerned with their agenda than the state of the men in their lives, including their sons and brothers. How else can we explain why more women are excelling, more men are falling behind, while there are more single women raising both boys and girls?
Before radical feminism was popular, single mothers were raising sons and daughters and the boys weren’t falling behind.
Of course, there are other reasons why boys are falling behind, but radical feminists want to lay blame solely on the fathers they claim are not in “most” homes.
If radical feminists weren’t promulgating a strict pro-woman/anti-man agenda, it would be easier to have a discussion about how something perceived as empowering to women, can also be perceived as damaging to men.
Take one of the most popular films embraced by women—The Color Purple, for example. This movie carries messages of empowerment for Black women, even though the negative male images are destructive.
Take also the Madea series—Black women came out in throngs to attack me for raging against a movie they found empowering, ignoring the potential damage done to the Black male image.
When the reverse occurs and men ignore the potential damage to Black women, cries of sexism resound loudly.
Radical feminism is also failing because it promulgated some outright lies. If the truth is presented, it will cause some radical feminists to go crazy and attack the messenger.
When I presented research to demonstrate that women weren’t as bad off in the workplace as is thought popularly, I was attacked, but not with research to the contrary, only with pure emotion, anger and stupidity.
That anger and stupidity will also be reflected in the weak little men who have been apologizing to women, sometimes without even knowing why.
But who apologizes to the Black man for sexism? That would be no one.
And therein lies perhaps the most salient reason why radical feminism fails—There has been no buy-in with strong, enlightened men who love women, yet refuse to take all of the blame.
There is no pure buy-in because there is no good result from supporting what is potentially damaging to us.
What does radical feminism offer men? Greater freedom? Enlightenment? Resolutions? None of these. It points the finger of blame at us with no real solutions except complete capitulation.
The only motivation men are given for accepting radical feminism is the avoidance of being labeled sexist. If we don’t agree, we are told that we hate women, or that we are afraid of strong women.
That program has run its course. It hasn’t worked for strong men and it has caused great rifts in the gender divide.
What radical feminism fails to provide are intrinsic reasons why our quality of life would improve by accepting their propaganda. Quite frankly, the reaction of radical feminists to my writing is always negative, bitchy attacks overwrought with emotion and bullshit.
I’d like it if at least one radical feminist could approach me--or any other strong man who loves women—with reason, research and a cool head. Nothing else will move anything.
As opposed to a buy-in, all strong men get is “support this or you’re the enemy.”
And, sadly, strong men have become the enemy for too many women.
Radical feminism failed because it relied heavily on minority women who were busy with their struggles as minority women. Eventually, it seduced some of them into choosing feminism and embracing pure gender identification over their racial identification, causing new intra-racial struggles that it never paid attention to.
Radical feminism should have paid attention to the rest of the world. It would have been easy to see the impending failure. How could it convince all of the men in the world, when it couldn't even convince all of the women?
For every woman who thinks that men are the enemy, there's another woman who thinks that radical feminists are the enemy.
For every woman who says that she can’t find a man who supports her career, there's another woman who seeks a man who will support her (including some women in the first group).
For every woman who says that she doesn't want or need a man, there's another woman who wants and needs a man (including some women who claim to be the former).
For every woman who says that she is okay with not having children because the man will abandon her, there's another woman who would do anything to have children, and there’s yet another woman who has found a man to have children with and remain parenting partners with.
For every woman who thinks that dating problems are the fault of men, there's another woman who realizes that we all have problems.
So, if we take inventory, radical feminists need to understand one thing: You really aren't that strong in numbers. You're just loud.
The result of radical feminists’ myopia is confusion of message and little buy-in with the strong men of the world, as well as, surprisingly, some strong women.
Take a look at Hillary Clinton, for example. We know that she is smarter and has more money than her husband. But we also know that she stepped behind her man and supported him without talk of who is on what “level,” and when he was done, she stepped back into her own program. It was about the partnership.
Let’s bring it home to the beautiful and strong Michelle Obama, who is vice-president of community and external affairs for University of Chicago Hospitals, with her Harvard law degree.
She could have fronted on Barack at any time, but she is about her family, which includes the man she loves. Her reply to talk of being a superwoman is simple: “I know I can’t do it alone.”
And for a real good look at the confusion of message, witness an “Independent Woman” on a date waiting for the man to pay. What evolution? Who you callin' a feminist?
Let's get it straight: "I'm equal to you, until the bill comes.”
Okay. Is the message: “I want equal pay, but unequal treatment in relationships?”
Or maybe this is it: “I demand the right to be viewed in the same light as men, but I refuse to do everything that men do, namely partner with another person who makes less than I do.”
So, ladies, let's be real with each other. Real men don't want women to blame them for everything, and you know you don't want those weak, scary little boys who agree with everything you say. We know you don't want them because you either ignore them or dump them quickly, while accusing all of us of being like that.
And, we know you don't want them, because we are tired of hearing you complain to us about them.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Any man who loves the women in his life does not wish to see them oppressed. He just doesn’t want any undue blame.
Figure out what you want. Make a list even. Then, let's sit down and make it happen. Together.
There are some real men left. We just won't allow you to define us or blame us for everything.
And we know that you refuse to be the victim, but guess what?
So do we.
Darryl James is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. His first mini-movie, “Crack,” was released in March of this year. James’ latest book, “Bridging The Black Gender Gap,” is the basis of his lectures and seminars. Previous installments of this column can now be viewed at www.bridgecolumn.com. James can be reached at djames@theblackgendergap.com.