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*For those of you who might have been of the opinion that the height of church scandal was when Bishop Thomas Weeks beat the hound dog crap out of his estranged wife in plain view ... hold on to your choir robes.
For those of you who erroneously thought that the right-wing evangelicals were done embarrassing themselves with their own skeletons of hypocrisy, you would be wrong.
There’s a new scandal brewing and if it continues in the direction it presently heads, it will make Bishop Weeks and Juanita Bynum seem like respectable ministers in Christ. And THAT’S no small feat.
But since we’re mentioning Bynum…
By now all of us have heard of or seen the controversial video by Bynum asking for 200k “emergency seeds” to be sown on her behalf so she can have a beachfront “threshing floor.”
200k is a lot to ask for any reason ... especially for some floor that probably needs four walls and a ceiling to match. Seeing as she footed the bill for a million-dollar wedding, thanks to her parishioners, the threshing floor clearly should come out of her own pocket.
Should ...
Now imagine someone asking for $8 MILLION in "emergency seeds." Or better yet, remember when. Televangelist Oral Roberts did just that twenty years ago, under the premise that the Lord would call him home if Roberts was unsuccessful.
Roberts got his 8 million. These days, it makes you wish he came up four or five dollars short so the Lord could have kept his “promise.”
Fast forwarding twenty years, it’s nice to see that Oral’s family is making good use of that money. This week, Oral’s son and president of Oral Roberts University Richard Roberts began answering to numerous allegations of financial misconduct and questionable behavior by himself and family members.
No…the word “questionable” doesn’t even begin to adequately describe the allegations. Mo’Kelly will just run them down for you quickly.
• According to a lawsuit, he asked a professor in 2005 to use his students and university resources to aid a county commissioner's bid for Tulsa mayor. Such involvement would violate state and federal law because of the university's non-profit status. Up to 50 students are alleged to have worked on the campaign.
• A longtime maintenance employee was fired so that an ahem…”underage” male “friend” of Mrs. Roberts could have his position. (Stone-cold freak alert! Flash the yellow light)
• Lindsay Roberts (Bob’s wife) — who is a member of the board of regents and is referred to as ORU's "first lady" on the university's website — frequently had cell-phone bills of more than $800 per month, with hundreds of text messages sent between 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. to, ahem… "underage” males who had been provided phones at university expense. (Sound the alarm! Stone-cold freak alert!)
• The university jet was used to take one daughter and several friends on a senior trip to Orlando, and the Bahamas. The $29,411 trip was billed to the ministry as an "evangelistic function of the president." (Mo’Kelly got a “senior trip” to Disneyland which cost all of $40).
• Lindsay “Freakmama” Roberts spent more than $39,000 at one Chico's clothing store alone in less than a year, and had other accounts in Texas and California. She also repeatedly said, "As long as I wear it once on TV, we can charge it off." The document cites inconsistencies in clothing purchases and actual usage on TV. (With all the underage…ahem, “friends” it’s a wonder she had time to put/keep any of the clothes on.)
• “Freakmama” was given a white Lexus SUV and a red Mercedes convertible by ministry donors. (Which were probably driven by the underage…ahem, male “friends.”)
• University and ministry employees are regularly summoned to the Roberts' home to do the daughters of Freakmama’s homework. (Not tutor…but DO the homework)
• The Roberts' home has been remodeled 11 times in the past 14 years. (Who has the time to remodel a house EVERY year?)
So if we just take the “highlights” and condense them into a coherent summary…we can assume the following:
• We can assume that no more evidence is needed to verify that Lindsay Roberts is a STONE-cold, bonafide, drop-it-like-it’s-hot freak! Just what everybody wants in the first lady of a church or reputable religious organization…a freak-mama with a penchant for underage…ahem, male “friends.” It may only be a rumor as of yet, but the documented hundreds of text messages which probably include photos likely means it’s probably true. You know there are some cell phone photos floating around of Lindsay that would put Jimmy Swaggart’s worst day to shame. And they CAN’T be pretty.
Do the math…
• Mo’Kelly hasn’t even used the WORD remodeled 11 times in the last 14 years; much less know anyone who has remodeled their multi-million dollar home almost annually. It may only be a rumor as of yet, but the receipts on file mean it’s probably true.
• We can assume…that if the various employees are doing the daughter of Freakmama’s homework, the daughter is as an idiot in the most literal interpretation of the word.
And most importantly, we can assume the husband of Freakmama, Richard Roberts’ a$$ is going to jail. Nice to know that Oral and family are still doing “God’s work” and charging people a price for their services…even twenty years later. Say goodbye to Oral Roberts University. It’s one late-night text message to one more underage…uh…ahem…male “friend” from becoming a state park.
Mrs. “Freakmama” Lindsay Roberts! G’on girl. Get your freak on!
The Mo'Kelly Report is an entertainment journal with a political slant. It is meant to inform, infuse and incite meaningful discourse...as well as entertain. The Mo’Kelly Report is syndicated by Newstex. For more Mo’Kelly, http://www.mokellyreport.blogspot.com. Morris W. O'Kelly can be reached at mokellyreport@sbcglobal.net and he welcomes all commentary.