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*Nervously, Louis sought refuge in the Sunday afternoon football game that filled his plasma TV screen. However, the pain filling his chest--progressing from an annoyance to what felt like something very serious--would not be ignored.
He couldn't go now. Not at age 36 and not like this--in his apartment. In L.A. Alone.
Reluctantly yet frantically, Louis dialed 911 for paramedics. And then he did what most anyone living in a city without family or close friends and on good terms with their past would d he speed-dialed his ex.
Hopefully, among our romantic tragedies is the break up or divorce that, after differences subside, yields a treasured friendship. Someone with whom you can do lunch or a movie. Or reach out to when you're having the occasional heart attack.
For too many, the mere notion of cordial relations with an ex is a perverted anomaly. But after all the screaming, shouting, weeping and the dissolution, if not one of your "serious" relationships eventually transcends into post-romance camaraderie, then I'd say you've wasted an awful lot of your time.
It's been said that a love affair is a friendship that caught on fire. If that's true, then the flame is fanned by mutual respect and clear, willing communication. And even if that fire dies, from the embers can emerge a unique and wonderful connection.
It's not about having an ex all up in your life. And, it's not about sex, which would be tantamount to incest, considering that we're practically talking family here. This particular ex is someone who knows you like no one else--which, after all, is pretty much why they're your ex. However, out of the experience can come a fulfilling friendship.
Louis and Sharona lived together nearly three years before she faced up to his fear of marriage.
"I was angry," says Sharona, 30. "I felt like he wasted my time. But then, I've told my husband that my relationship with Louis is what led me to him. After Louis, I knew I wanted to be in love with someone who wasn't going to sit on the fence. At the same time, before Louis, I didn't know how to be friends with men if I wasn't sleeping with them. Louis taught me that after we split. And [in Louis] my husband found the occasional golf partner he can beat."
After her bitter breakup from Louis but before she met her husband, Sharona's father and only living parent suddenly passed. The oldest of three girls, Sharona was responsible for his burial.
"I fell apart," she says. "Louis and I weren't even speaking at the time, but when he found out about Papa, he just stepped in and made sure everything went as it was planned. Literally, all my sisters and I had to do was show up at the funeral and grieve. He even cooked some of the food. For a lot of reasons, Louis wasn't the person I'd walk into the sunset with, but he has been a wonderful and loving friend.”
From Sharona, Louis says he learned "the power of a woman's forgiveness," the liberating art of letting go an acrimonious past, and he discovered that Sharona “is one hell of a driver."
Indeed, on that Sunday afternoon, she reached his place before paramedics, and then beat the ambulance to the hospital, along the way informing Louis' family back in D.C. by cell phone. She then stayed at the hospital with him until he was discharged later that night.
What felt like a heart attack to Louis was the result of two chili dogs scarfed down just before settling in front of the TV. However, Godzilla-sized indigestion was no match for Louis and Sharona's Emergency Ex System--proof that the painful end of a romance can sometimes be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Steven Ivory's book, FOOL IN LOVE (Touchstone/Simon & Schuster) is in stores now or at Amazon.com (www.Amazon.com) Respond to him via STEVRIVORY@AOL.COM or MYfeedback@eurweb.com