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ASK ADVICE CHICK: Answers to YOUR Dating, Sex, Life, & Love Questions!
Dear Advice Chick,
What kind of advice can you give to black men who so badly want to be with black women?
Every time I make an attempt to date one, I am always the one that gets the shaft. I realize that I am not the most attractive black man out there or the wealthiest. I have done the on-line dating, I have done the singles ministry thing in church, I've done the club thing nothing worked. I know I can improve on myself and I really do try. It just seems that black women always want me to make all the adjustments while they feel they have to make none. I am taking courses to obtain my masters degree to maybe increase my salary since most black women base a good man by the size of his wallet (at least that's what they tell me). I exercise daily so I can be in shape. The biggest thing that black women seem to have against me is the fact that after I got out of the military service is that I moved back home because of my ailing Dad. My mother simply can't do it by herself. I help her pay 1/2 the mortgage on their house every month. My view is that I am helping my parents financially through some of the struggles they are having at this point. But for some reason, black women feel that I am less of a man for doing this. I have never went to jail, I have decent credit, I don't have a bunch of kids by different women...I mean what the hell do I have to do...give blood!? I work for a very nice law firm and constantly, I get tickets to the theatre, pro sports games, and all kinds of other things and when I invite a woman to these outings, most of the time, I get turned down. Now, I know some of you will say that I am expecting a drop-dead gorgeous woman that's way out of my league. Not the case at all, but should I have to settle? I hear women all the time say that they are not going to settle for just anyone. Am I allowed to feel the same way?
A couple of friends suggested that I explore my horizons and try to date outside my race. I have never done that before, but I am at that point where I might just try it because frankly, I am getting to the point where I am becoming real bitter about black women. I know in my heart I don't want to feel this way, but I am tired of the crazy expectations that I have meet just to be involved with a black woman.
Advice Chick replies,
You are a B.B.M (bitter black man) who seriously needs to get a grip. There is a good black man deficit and don’t NOBODY want you? NOBODY? Damn! I suggest that you talk to a female friend or female family member and tell her to let you have it. Tell her to tell you what she thinks you can improve physically, and mentally. I even think you should consider talking to a therapist. Your bitterness towards black women may actually be repelling them.
Also consider where you are meeting women. You say you’ve tried various ways, and I applaud you for that. However, you need to work on yourself before you get back in the dating game. Taking care of your parents is admirable, and a woman who is interested in you will not hold that against you. If you think you will be more successful by dating outside of your race, or you simply want to try it, try it. Keep in mind though, wherever you go there you are. Translation: the same man who is repelling black women will more likely than not repel women of other ethnic groups.
You want to know my advice to black men who want to date black women? Show us the same respect you’d want another man to show your mom, sister, or daughter.
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Ask Advice Chick about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING related to dating, sex, love, and life! Kimberly Williams (THE resident dating expert at EURweb.com) calls on over 10 years of dating and relationship industry experience. She authors a nationally syndicated dating advice column, conducts dating seminars, and has provided advice for singles through radio and television appearances.
