Sat, Jul 4, 2009
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ASK ADVICE CHICK: Answers to YOUR Dating, Sex, Life, & Love Questions!
(March 23, 2006)
Dear Advice Chick,
I met this guy online and we finally started communicating. We started talking on the phone and we found that we both have similar interests in what we are looking for in a relationship. He's very intelligent and I've liked the conversations we have had. He informed me that he is interacting with other females (which I see is no problem because that goes the same here too). We are supposed to hook up this weekend so we can meet face-to-face and not just talk to a picture any longer. The problem is I'm not sure if I want to meet him now. I speak with him frequently (long hours) on the phone and I get the feeling that he's not being straight up with me and I've been completely honest with him. I even joked and asked him do he speak with me and the others in shifts since I hear from him only at night. I also think he wants me to chase after him and I've never done that and I'm not about to start now! So do you think I should 86 the whole thing or give this phone-relationship a try and continue to pursue this?
Advice Chick replies,
He was upfront with you about the other females he is interacting with. You said it’s no problem - so what’s the problem? You’ve spent hours and hours on the phone with dude, why not meet him? If you honestly feel that he is lying to you, then don’t waste your time. Otherwise, meet him in a very public place (Starbucks, Jamba Juice, Borders Books, etc). If you’re nervous, take a friend along with you. I suggest all first_time_you_meet dates be brief, approx. 30 minutes. This way you or he can bail if the attraction isn’t there.
Dear Advice Chick,
I have done the dumbest thing a woman can do. I fell in love with a man that is already taken. He isn't married but he is BACK with the mother of his child and has no apparent plans to leave her. By the time I found out about the baby mama, I was already falling so I told myself that it didn't matter. I know that realistically, this thing between him and me will probably never work. I need to know how to fall out of love with him... I was going to just stop all contact with him completely but he has made it clear that he truly values me as a friend and would hate to lose me altogether. We have been JUST FRIENDS lately but it is truly tearing a hole in my heart because I want him to be so much more than that... What should I do? Are there any methods on how to fall out of love with a man?
Advice Chick replies,
You had the right idea and must cut off ALL contact with him. He values you as a friend? What(the hell)ever! He chose her over you when he went back to her. He didn’t even have the decency to let you know, you had to find out. Not cool! It’s also NOT the behavior you would expect from someone who claims to value you as a friend. Falling out of love is not easy, but it can be done. You will need the support of a really good friend to help you get through this.
1. Change your home phone number
2. Change your cell phone number
3. Take his numbers off of your speed dial – Do NOT call him EVER again
4. Filter his email address into the trash folder
5. Don’t answer the door if he comes over
6. When you get tempted to call him (and you will) call your good friend instead
7. Cry, snot, slob, feel sorry for yourself - then call your good friend so she can tell you how wonderful you REALLY are
8. Fix yourself up and step out! You will feel better when you realize other men find you attractive
9. Don’t start dating right away, you need time to heal from this heartbreak
Remember, men can only treat us a poorly as we allow them to. Keep your head up, your dress down, your legs closed, and your options open.
Dear Advice Chick,
Last August, I went to my cousin's party and became attracted to one of his friends. The feeling was mutual and we have been seeing each other ever since. Though nothing is exclusive, we have been spending more and more time together. We recently spent Valentine's Day weekend together. The problem is that he left out a letter written to him from an old girlfriend. She is currently locked up but yet wants to be with him when she gets out. I didn't want to snoop but I couldn't help reading the first page which was all I could see (I had to restrain myself from reading the other pages). In the letter she made a reference to me and told him that he needs to tell me to leave before she comes home and was begging him not to move on without her. I'm upset because she knows about me and he has never brought her up once (Is this a bad sign?). I asked him who he was writing and he said she was just a friend. I'm also nervous because I am really starting to like him but I don't want any drama over this. Should I leave now before I get hurt or should I continue to see how things work out?
Advice Chick replies,
He has an old, ex, or current girlfriend who is currently locked up. You know she is one or the other, but when you asked him who he was writing he said just a friend. He left the letter in plain view …. Hmmm. What’s really going on?!
The two of you have been chilling with each other for several months so don’t totally throw in the towel just yet. Maybe she wants him, but he doesn’t want her. Maybe he was testing you with the letter to see if you are Nosey Parker.
At this time keep things as they are but stay alert.
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Visit http://www.advicechick.com to ask Advice Chick about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING related to dating, sex, love, and life! Kimberly Williams (THE resident dating expert at EURweb.com) calls on over 10 years of dating and relationship industry experience. She authors a nationally syndicated dating advice column, conducts dating seminars, and has provided advice for singles through radio and television appearances.
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