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ASK ADVICE CHICK: Answers to YOUR Dating, Sex, Life, & Love Questions!
(April 13, 2006)
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Dear Advice Chick,
I have a very complicated situation on my hands and it can only be understood if I go back to the beginning. I met and dated a guy for 2 months, during these two months we spent every waking hour possible together. Consequently, after 2 months I became pregnant and he was very upset to say the least. The guy was adamant about an abortion but I was 25 at the time and had never been pregnant before and was so in love with this man that I decided to keep the baby. This upset the guy and slowly but surely we began to drift apart. In June 2005 while I was 6 months pregnant I found out that he was getting married to his ex. When I checked him about this he claimed that I drove him back to her because he looked at my not getting an abortion as me not, "being down for him." Shortly after I found out he was getting married he did so in July and I did not talk to him again until early September, which was the month the baby was due. He stated that all those months he tried to put me out of his mind but that his love for me was too strong and that getting married was a revenge tactic.
I accepted his apology and began carrying on a relationship with him again; the catch is that he is married and that his wife does not know about our son. Advice Chick, I do not know what to do, the baby is nearly 7 months old and he still has not told her. He keeps putting it off saying that he does not have the funds for a divorce. I love him but I am sick of waiting, what do I do advice chick?
Advice Chick replies,
He married the woman he wanted. Even though you were pregnant with his child he married her. His heart was with her. He didn’t marry he because you wouldn’t get an abortion, he married her because he wanted to.
Stop being his “bitch on the side.” Even though you’re baby momma, you are not his wife. If he died tonight your baby might not be entitled to Jack, and that’s the tragedy.
Get him to acknowledge paternity and put your baby on his insurance and HR documents. Make sure he pays court ordered support. Let him know your baby deserves to know his family, and deserves to spend time with him.
He’s not for you, he has a wife. Get the baby situated and let him be with his wife. If he must have a side chick, don’t let it be you.
Dear Advice Chick,
I met a young man in a restaurant and I was immediately attracted to him, he looked good and dressed nice. I kind of flirted with him. I sparked up a small talk type of conversation. I was talking to my friend and I said I needed a phone and he jumped in and said he had the type of phone I needed! I ended up getting his number so I could get the phone from him, but I really would like to get to know him better. He's all I've been thinking about since that day. Should I let him know I'm interested? I've talked to him a couple of times regarding the phone and once he even asked like what I was doing (what my plans were for the night) but every time I talk to him he's always busy and around a lot of people. I thought of calling him late at night when I think he's home alone but I don't want him to get the wrong idea and I also do not know if he's involved with anyone seriously. What should I do?
Advice Chick replies,
“He's all I've been thinking about since that day.” Ooh girl! You’re either sprung or crazed. You can’t be sprung ‘cause he ain’t even hit it! Sooooo …..
Look, don’t get mad at me. I think dude is a hustla, homie. He heard you mention needing a phone and jumped at the opportunity to unload one of his burnouts. He knows you’re interested in him but I know he’s not interested – in you. That’s why your fingers are doing all the walking. He’s always busy because he’s not interested in you like that. If he were interested in you, he would make time for you.
If you need the phone buy the phone. Stop calling him and watch all contact cease.
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