Thu, Nov 20, 2008
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THE BRIDGE: Hope Is Where You Find It
(May 2, 2006)
“I wish that everybody would just stop and freeze and ask why are fulfilling these downfalls and these prophecies you can be wrong if it’s you doubting
with the faith of a mustard seed we can move mountains.” --from "Hopeful," by Twista, featuring Faith Evans
I hear it in the circles of Black women.
And, lately, I've been hearing it more and more in circles of Black men.
As a people, we are becoming less and less hopeful.
Certainly, our situation appears bleak, but in many ways, things are in a topspin for most groups in our nation. Not everyone is singing “Happy Days Are Here Again,” yet we pretend that things are uniquely bleak for Black people.
And, when we embrace such a dark perspective, then for each of us who accepts it, it is reality.
But what some people are managing to do is find hope.
People are finding hope in the fact that while 47% of Black women age 30 to 34 have never been married, 53% have been, and many still are.
People are finding hope in the fact that while Black women have become the fastest growing group of people infected with HIV, most Black women are not infected and most will more than likely not be.
There are 33.7 million Black people in America, according to the latest Census data. Less than one million Black men are in prison. While 791,000 of ALL AGES are in prison, 603,032 of Black men 18-24 are in college.
People are finding hope in the fact that while 791,000 Black men are in prison, most Black men are not.
People are finding hope in the fact that while there are more Black women than Black men in college, there are still more Black men in college than in prison, despite the misinterpretation of the statistics.
And, while people talk about how lazy Black men are, there is hope in the fact that 68.1% of all Black men over the age of 16 are gainfully employed.
And, people are finding hope in the fact that while the Prozac candidates hawk their propaganda about how there are fewer of us available for dating, there are still many of us finding each other, dating and getting married.
For all the hype about Black men marrying white women, only .6% of all the interracial marriages in this nation are composed of a while person and a Black person.
But some of us want to focus on bad news and lies to lose our hope and bring hopelessness to the rest of us.
In recent discussion with a sad Black man who believes that the rest of the Black male population is even sadder than he, I deflected his assertion that there were more Black men in prison than college with the real statistics manipulated to come to that fake conclusion.
And after I deflected his mythology, he shook off my enlightenment and came right back with: "Well, don't you think that it's still sad that we are such a disproportionate portion of the prison population?
I countered with yes, but shouldn't we rejoice that there are less of us in prisons than in college? And shouldn't we rejoice in the fact that the total prison population of Black men is a relatively small percentage of the total Black male population according to the most recent census statistics available?
But, he was as determined to hold on to his hopelessness and pass it on, as I was to remain hopeful and pass that on. And I left him alone with his sadness as I walked away with my belief in a brighter future for Black people in America.
So, with so much to be hopeful for, why is there so much negativity being spread around?
The sad and simple truth is that negativity is far more seductive than positivity. The dark side of the force is no more powerful than the light side, yet, the dark side is more seductive because of its forbidden nature, which sparks curiosity.
Ask any of the harbingers of doom and gloom, and they can quote few statistics that haven't been popularized by the mass media--erroneous or not.
Ask them to talk about anything they have truly seen or touched outside of the fifteen to twenty people they know and they can only make passing reference to what they've seen with no real substance.
But yet, they are embracing hopelessness.
Black women sit in front of whole, healthy, educated, emotionally and financially stable Black men and lament about the horrible state of the Black man, some even exclaiming to the same men that they are so hopeless that they are considering dating outside of the race.
What shall the Black man of quality say to these sisters?
And what shall the Black women of substance who still desire love from Black men say to the Black men who seem to ignore their presence in order to focus on the horribly negative and mean-spirited women who pretend that the negative statistics define the entire male portion of the race?
I'll say this to Black women: You are the only ones who use finance and education to measure potential mates. Check the marriage statistics or conduct a real survey and you'll find that finance and education were not the criteria used to find and secure stable, lasting relationships.
And, I'll say this to Black men: The Black women with the nasty attitudes who believe that their education and illusion of wealth mean more than they do are not the majority. There are still smart, pretty, healthy Black women who understand what a partnership is all about.
It's hard to deliver hope to the hopeless. Especially when the hopeless are not interested in finding hope, but only in perpetuating their dismal outlook on life and love.
The hopeless are thieves of dreams as they focus on what is wrong, turning away from what is right and what can be done to make wrong things right.
But there are many of us who are still hopeful.
What shall we say to the “Chicken Littles” who spread their depressed version of the world?
We should say to them (say it with me): "Stop talking to me! I refuse to allow your negativity to darken my dreams. I refuse to listen to your hopelessness because I believe in the possibility of love, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for myself and for my people. I believe in these things because I know that they exist for many of us in this nation.”
There is nothing more to say to someone whose focus is skewed, whose future is dim and who avoids the silver lining in order to focus on the dark cloud.
If we pay too much attention to negative people, stupid magazines, insipid television shows and our own dark pessimism, we can come away with the idea that things are worse than they are.
And, really, when it comes to the hopeless, many of them are only sad and lonely because instead of building bridges to other human beings who are real, they build walls against rumored Black boogeymen and boogeywomen who may not even exist.
But for all the ignorant lies that are passed around about Black men and women, love still survives. The smartest of us will combat the lies and focus on the beauty that is all around us.
I have hope for the following reasons:
I was raised in a house where there was a husband and a wife. I have married siblings, including my oldest sister and my oldest brother.
I am fortunate enough to have a circle of friends who are married and happy. They are honest about their struggles and open about their happiness.
I think people who claim that what they want doesn’t exist, yet believe in God are liars. They can claim belief in God without seeing him, but they can’t have faith in human beings God created who are all around them every day.
Black people are a spiritual people and we build our spirituality when we connect to other human beings. However, we lose some of our spirituality when we exhibit resistance to the positive while embracing the negative.
We lose some of our spirituality when we embrace superficiality, speaking of a desire for someone to have material things, or monetary status—both of which are temporary and shallow.
We lose some of our spirituality when we try to control everything around us, pretending that we are strong and beautiful and that those who could please us are faulty because they are not pleasing us.
And we lose some of our spirituality when we walk through the world selfishly, believing that we should have what we want because we want it, without care as to whether we truly deserve it.
Hope is where you find it.
Hope can be found in the youth who will be tomorrow's adults and who can carry us into a better day. They can do so with greater ease if they are left unscathed by depressed perspectives.
Hope is where you find it.
So is hopelessness.
Which one are you looking for?
Darryl James is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. His first mini-movie, “Crack,” was released in March of this year. James’ latest book, “Bridging The Black Gender Gap,” is the basis of his lectures and seminars. Previous installments of this column can now be viewed at www.bridgecolumn.com. James can be reached at djames@theblackgendergap.com.
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