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ASK ADVICE CHICK: Answers to YOUR Dating, Sex, Life, & Love Questions!
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Dear Advice Chick,
I am having a very difficult time letting my feeling go for my ex. It has been very difficult, even to move on. He was my first and only love of twelve years. Married for seven years; no children; we were in the process of adopting. About a year ago with little warning he said he was leaving me to be with someone else. He says he is deeply in love with both of us but she can give him his own child.
The more I try to pull away, the more drawn to the bedroom we become. Yes the sex is that great, but the emotional drain is weakening. I am in the process of divorcing him for that is what he wants, to marry her. He says if I try to go far away he would find me, because he still loves me. Can someone be in love with two people at the same time? How can I let go and break from the love I have for him as he insist on having things his way?
Advice Chick replies,
Girl! Stop giving your body to that man! Didn’t he tell you he wants to DISSOLVE his marriage to you and marry ANOTHER woman? If his thang-thang gets hard let him get the goodies from his fiancé!
Yes, someone can love two people, but I believe dude is running script so he can continue to beat your cat with his bat!
The sex is great? Oh please! He is going to MARRY (with intent to spend his life with) another woman! If you go far away he will be with his new wife. When a person wants a divorce that means they don’t want you and I suggest you not ever be with someone who doesn’t want you. Let him go, then (with the support of friends, family, and God) go on with your life.
Dear Advice Chick,
I have what I consider to be a complicated situation. First I met this man in my fitness center last October. It was strange because the first time I saw him I knew he would be in my life in some way. However, because this man is so attractive the women in there made me have second thoughts about saying anything other than hello. One day he and I talked and eventually he invited me to his home. Shortly thereafter he and I started what we called a “friends with benefits” relationship. Even though this was the very first time I’d done something like this I thought I would be okay. Lately though it’s gotten a little strange. He calls me during the day just to talk. He will call me and ask me to meet him at his favorite restaurant and when I get there he will have ordered everything he knows that I like. We usually go back to his place where we always find ourselves all over each other. Afterwards we will sit and talk for hours always losing track of time. I hate to leave and he always seems to find a reason that I should stay a minute or two longer. He makes a very good living, owns his own home and is an amazing single father (his daughter comes over every weekend at which time I choose not to come over because I believe that, that is their bonding time). The problem, these intimate moments are clouding my perception of what we are supposed to be. The other problem, he is 30 and I am 48. And finally the real problem, I have a same sex partner of 7 years who lives 400 miles away and continues to drain me emotionally and financially. I want to break free of her but she needs me to help her stay afloat. I can’t just cut her off. I wasn’t raised that way. By the way, I stopped sleeping with her months ago because she’s had 12 sex partners other than me in the last 3 years. This young man has been the only one I’ve been intimate with other than her in the last 9 years. I am afraid that whatever this is I have with this young man will end badly because of the age difference. What do I do?
Advice Chick replies,
Keep doing you. Your “thing” with the guy is what it is – the BUST DOWN Boogie, the THROW BACK Tryst, a SEX ONLY Situation. You were 18 years older than him when the “friends with benefits” madness started so age isn’t the problem. Will this “thing” magically transform into a “relationship?” It’s highly unlikely. The way things start is (usually) the way things end. You, like so many females allowed this guy to have the benefits of a committed relationship without the commitment.
Your girl is whorish and you need to cut her off emotionally, physically, and financially. Since she can go to bed with so many others let THEM worry about her bad financial situation. If this sounds foul, sue me – a woman should never be in a financial bind but still giving up the goods to a man, woman, whatever!
Finally, you need to figure out which gender you prefer and try to get something real going.
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Visit http://www.advicechick.com to ask Advice Chick about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING related to dating, sex, love, and life! Kimberly Williams (THE resident dating expert at EURweb.com) calls on over 10 years of dating and relationship industry experience. She authors a nationally syndicated dating advice column, conducts dating seminars, and has provided advice for singles through radio and television appearances.
