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STEVEN IVORY: A Loving Toast To The Mighty Fraternity
Not a day goes by without members of a certain sentimental association considering their circumstance. However, it is during this time every year that we are truly reminded of our distinction.
Hallmark doesn't make a card for us.
Thus, it is in respectful and impassioned lieu that on Mother's Day I offer these words for the motherless.
Our mothers have, either suddenly or finally, experienced the full cycle of this mysterious, precious, blessed wonder called life: They were born, had children of their own and have moved on, leaving us here to continue our lives. Some of us have an easier time than others, but we do so nonetheless.
There is nothing like losing a parent. However, the grief accompanying the departure of one's mother--that is, a loving, devoted mother, mama, mother dear, madea--eclipses all emotional pain.
After all, she is the vessel, the mothership, the very first human being you meet when you come to this planet. The connection is deep. So is the ache of the loss, in which the motherless find a singular camaraderie.
Only another soul without their mother can fully empathize with the utter yearn and specialized loneliness that becomes easier to bear but never quite passes; with the looming sense of being on your own that is never completely quelled by anyone or thing.
Not much has to be said. The motherless share in silence the unvarnished definition of the ultimate Bad Day, when life suddenly seems insurmountable. Get through losing your mother and when they drop the nuclear bomb, you will simply absorb it.
I was inducted, dazed and disbelieving, into the Mighty Fraternity at age fifteen. Just as I was coming into my own as a young man, mama was gone.
Suddenly--my father having remarried and scarce on the scene--there was no one to check with, to seek the approval of or complain to. When a child loses their mother, the loss is all-encompassing. There is emotional confusion. And, a sense of abandonment.
Therefore, this dissertation is also offered in loving appreciation to fathers who return to do the right thing, to grandparents, aunts, uncles, brave older siblings and dear family friends; people whose lives have also been transformed by the loss but who valiantly step forward to comfort, nurture and guide motherless children. It often takes a village to replace one mother.
But while the motherless lament during this time, Mother's Day is also when we should lift up the spirits of our mothers in joyous, prideful commemoration.
I remember whenever one of my drawings made my elementary school's hallway bulletin board, mama would marvel as if standing before a Picasso.
I never learned violin, but it wasn't because mama didn't find a way to get me one. And she praised her third child's disjointed scribble with a mother's uncanny intuition--moreover, as if she hadn't tirelessly exerted the same doting on my older brother and sister, and again on two brothers behind me. All that love out of one skinny woman.
I know my mother is here. She lives in me. Even so, many years later, there are days when I miss her. Terribly. But then, that is another distinction of The Mighty Fraternity: all of us, no matter our age or time away from her bosom, will always be our mother's child.
Steven Ivory's book, FOOL IN LOVE (Touchstone/Simon & Schuster) is in stores now or at Amazon.com (www.Amazon.com) Respond to him via STEVRIVORY@AOL.COM or MYfeedback@eurweb.com
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