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ASK ADVICE CHICK: Answers to YOUR Dating, Sex, Life, & Love Questions!
Dear Advice Chick,
*A few years ago, I discovered that my husband had an affair with a woman that basically used my friendship to get to him. We knew each other from high school and we are in an organization that meets monthly. After a lot of prayer, counseling and many tears, my husband and I worked things out and our relationship is stronger than ever. Some time after it happened, the woman apologized to me and I have forgiven her.
The issue is this: whenever I see her, she always wants to make bodily contact, either through a hug, or standing by me when we adjourn a meeting, etc. I am cordial to this woman and am taking the high road, especially because if I ignored her publicly, it would be noticeable. The last time I saw her, it was at a wake for a friend's nephew that passed away; I spoke to her as I viewed the body and was going to pass on by. However, she stopped me and said, "Gimme a hug," which I did begrudgingly, and she proceeded to introduce me to a friend of hers. I wanted to say, "I don't think so," but again, what do I do?
I'm thinking of telling her that it's okay to just speak to me and not feel that she has to go out of her way to be overly friendly. I want to tell her that I could care less about what she does, don't care to meet anyone she knows, and just want to avoid her as much as possible. My fear is that if I tell her this, she will feel that she has won because I have admitted that she bothers me. What do you suggest?
Advice Chick replies,
You have forgiven her, which is more than many would do. You didn’t owe her that, and you definitely don’t owe her any bodily contact. Da hell? The next time she flashes her fake grin in your direction pull her to the side and say, “listen chick, cut the crap. You screwed my husband but you won’t screw me. I forgave you, but I will never forget how you betrayed me. Effective today, speak if you wish, but keep it moving. We are not friends.”
She has NOT won, for you and your husband have worked it out. You are still his wife. She, on the other hand, is just some hoe he used to f*ck.
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