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JUDGE LYNN TOLER: Court Queen Dishes Out Mom's ‘Rules’
'Divorce Court' judge pens book on life lessons
Still the new kid in the TV court drama genre, Toler said that she already feels accepted and she is having a great time doing the show. With the support of the viewers, Toler has pretty effortlessly slid into the role as the ruler on the series.
“The show is going very, very well. I’d been very concerned because I was taking over from someone who was so popular, but I’ve been very well received. People have been very kind and supportive. I’m starting to get recognized around the country and that’s a little interesting, a little different,” she said.
And before becoming the diva of divorce, Toler had an illustrious career as a municipal court judge in Cleveland, and is still exhibiting the wisdom that would make any mother proud.
For Toler, that pride goes both ways. She has written a book called “My Mother’s Rules” based on the wisdom of her mother and because of the pride she has for her. The book focuses on Toler’s upbringing in a household with a bi-polar father and a very determined mother and shares morsels of wisdom and understanding that Toler says her mother instilled in her. It has been heralded by critics and readers as an “amazingly honest” book of life lessons.
“In all my objectivity, I think my mother is an emotional genius,” she said of the book’s inspiration. “The book is about her and my family and her abilities to be so rational when most people cannot find that ability and how important [that is]. Everybody’s worried about what your IQ is and not your EQ – your emotional quotient. How you’re able to handle your emotions and deal with other people’s emotions changes the whole dynamic of everything; what you do and how you feel.”
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Toler explained that her mother never really established “rules” for living and that it was she who decided to set up her mother’s rational as rules. But she says these are certainly rules that she has obeyed in her life and in her career.
“Controlling your emotionality is often the difference between doing the right thing and doing the wrong thing. I saw that in court a lot; really rational regular people doing the wrong thing because they did not keep the 800-pound gorilla in their sights,” she said.
She continued that the unique way her mother understood another person's feelings is just how she approaches everyone who enters her courtroom.
“My mother was extraordinary at understanding the emotional side of not only what she was feeling, but what other people were feeling,” she continued.
While being a wise mother may not seem like a new or extraordinary feat, Toler explained that it is unsung heroes like good parents who need to be honored, awarded, and singled out. In coming up with the idea for the book, Toler even said she had to convince her mother that it was a good idea.
“At first, [my mother] said, ‘Oh Lynn get a job. This is the silliest thing. What I did wasn’t that tremendous.’ But I said, ‘It’s not just about the world leaders. It’s about the people that get you up and out of the house. I think your average mother and father out there are to be honored,” Toler said.
What made her mother even more extraordinary was that in addition to being a support for her children, she did it all under the duress of a bi-polar husband.
“My father was bi-polar and un-medicated,” Toler said, “but [my mother] was able to handle him and her emotions so she could deal with him and raise two fairly adjusted young children at the same time through what I believe to be her emotional acuity. So that’s what I wanted to write about; what I learned from her about emotions. There was a lot of drama going on at my house all the time and I didn’t fare very well in the household with all the chaos. It was very hard for me. Why I think my mother was so brilliant is that she was able to get me out of that closet I used to hide in and get me on the bench. I think that’s remarkable.”
Toler continued that her mother encouraged her emotionally and in the end, the entire family faired quite well. Her sister became a doctor and she became a judge and they both have learned to use that strength and wisdom in their own lives.
“When I went on the bench, I saw that the emotional lessons that she taught me about dealing with people were of assistance to the people on the bench about convincing people of things,” Toler said. “You don’t ever go to people from where you are; you start where they are and explain to them how they feel – that you know how they feel and why they feel that way – then you walk them home slowly. Then they start to listen to you. I use that all the time on the bench.”
“My Mother’s Rules” is currently on bookstore shelves and available online. To catch Judge Lynn Toler on “Divorce Court,” check your local listings.
***Call For Entries Reminder***
Hollywood Black Film Festival
June 5 - 10, 2007
Beverly Hills, California
Final Deadline 2/15/07
Accepting feature, short, documentary,
student, animation and music video
submissions, as well as screenplays
for storyteller competition.
310.407.3596 or www.hbff.org
for more info
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